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Original poster

Valentine's day

47 replies

jesy · 05/02/2014 09:03

Hi
I've been dating this man for about six weeks , well the dreaded Valentine's day is conning up , do I get him a little card or not .
I sort of mentioned Valentine's day last night but being a man he didn't twig lol
I guess deep down I'm hoping he'll get me a card, never had one before so it would be nice . I did think of get to g him a silly gift , I don't know .
I seem to mess all relationships up be it bf or mate's.
What would you guys do six weeks Into it

OP posts:
Dahlen · 05/02/2014 09:16

I don't do valentine's day. Traditionally, it was always supposed to be a secret. It has been bastardised by the commercial card industry and evolved into something completely different now, encouraging couples to feel they are somehow lacking if they don't make an effort on February 14th.

I figure that if I'm in a relationship and the only time he takes me out to dinner, buys me flowers, or tells me he loves me (and vice versa) is on Feb 14th, we should probably split up.

I'm not saying don't buy him a card. But don't fall into the trap of believing that you have to and that it has to be reciprocated. If he doesn't get you one, it may be because he feels as I do rather than because he doesn't care.

If you do choose to get him one, hold on to the traditional belief that it's about how you feel, not an expectation for him to declare the same in return, and keep it light. Cards with a bit of humour tend to work best in situations where a relationship is very new.

FolkGirl · 05/02/2014 09:22

I don't 'do' Valentine's Day either, for all the reasons Dahlen has already given.

DontmindifIdo · 05/02/2014 09:28

A card would cost you what, £2-3? Just get one, if you go out that friday night (or the night before/after) have it in your handbag so that if he produces a card/gift, you have something to give him back. If not, bin it when you get home. Don't get something that's really over-the-top sickly sweet, and no writing war and peace inside, just a simple "To [new bloke], Happy Valentines day. Love [jesy].

I would imagine he'll do something around Valentines when you're dating, perhaps he might not be a 'cards and flowers' sort of bloke, but if you'd go for a date around then anyway, then he's going to view that as doing Valentines.

I know a lot of people don't do Valentines, but most people do, so have something up your sleeve just in case.

Stars66 · 05/02/2014 09:33

I 'do' valentines, as in a little gift and a card. My bf of almost 6 years, hates it but realises that I need a card at least. Homemade pressies, like a photo album of something you have done together is what usually comes from me.
For you, maybe offer to make a nice meal, and state before no valentines pressure? But card definitely, just not one that swears undying love!!

Original poster
jesy · 05/02/2014 09:55

I'd love to make him a meal , but we both live at home and I don't bring mate's home let a date !

OP posts:
beastietoys · 05/02/2014 10:10

I would send him a secret card with his name in cut-out magazine letters and a vaguely suggestive message. Seriously, this is how we did it in the old days - signing Valentines seems pointless to me - you are supposed to spend the whole day sighing over your card wondering if it is from the object of your desire or the bloke in the chip shop.

msdiamant · 05/02/2014 10:21

You have been together for 6 weeks only. Do not hurry things up and do not spoil them. I would go to a pub and have a drink. Have fun as your relationship is still at a very early stage. It would be different next year as you would be together for over a year enough time to find out whether you are in love or not. Do not write a card as this is too romatic. It can be too early too soon.

BlodynRose · 05/02/2014 10:24

I would second having a small totally non gushy and no I love you card ready in your handbag for when he gives you one. Personally if the man I was dating didn't take me out and give me a card on Valentine's Day then I would doubt that he had me on his mind enough to want to please me.

GTA5MASTER · 05/02/2014 11:10

I got engaged on valentines day ;)
I also got married on valentines day so it's a very important day for my husband and I.

I think a card in your handbag is a great idea. Maybe even a little present (aftershave) in case he turns up for the date with a bunch of roses! :)

Original poster
jesy · 05/02/2014 11:39

We had a jokey chat about something the other day it not exactly romantic more funny t Han anything but thoughtful in away.
He knows I can't afford stuff at the moment and most times we been out I've given him a little something mainly food I've cooked or home made sweets as he has paid for everything , he says he old fashioned like that.

I could be stressing over nothing as he not mentioned going out n ext week lol

I could be being daft !!!!!

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 05/02/2014 11:48

Stick wih a card, something sweet but not over the top. Don't get him a jokey or silly gift, that way if he has got you anything and it's nice, it won't spoil the mood.

DontmindifIdo · 05/02/2014 12:08

Well, if he knows you don't have much money, he won't expect you to get him something, and normally at this early stage of dating, it wouldn't be expected.

Stick to a card and a big thank you if he gets you something, but if he's taking you out for dinner/drinks, then don't expect a gift on top of that.

Joysmum · 05/02/2014 12:16

Dontmindifido had an excellent suggestion. I would do what she said, have a card ready in your bag just in case.

Tbh though, I don't do hints. I'd talk to him. If you're feeling awkward and unsure then the likelihood is that he will too. The best relationships are built by those who can communicate how they feel so now's a good time to start.

BlodynRose · 05/02/2014 12:47

I'm sure he will take you out Valentines Day. Smile If he doesn't then that would be odd Confused

Original poster
jesy · 05/02/2014 15:23

To be honest I m not fussed if he does take me out on Valentine's day or not I've never been out on Valentine's so it not . Like I'm expecting it.

He taking me out tonight and has the checked I'm going to see dress warm to me that is caring x

OP posts:
Andy1964 · 05/02/2014 15:27

Me and my DW do Valentines (happily married for 15yrs)

Dahlen, is right though. The whole idea of valentines has been bastardised but we don't care. It's an excuse to treat ourselves.

I did send a left hand written, posted from a strange post code card to my DW the other year though.
Cue messages on FB from my DW trying to find out who had sent her a card he he he he.
I fessed up after a couple of hours.

Nice card in your handbag just in case he makes a jesture will do just fine, I like the idea

Original poster
jesy · 05/02/2014 15:33

I'll make a simple card just in case.
Do you k now what's daft I even reminded my ex about Valentine's day yesterday lol so he would mess up s relationship lol

But that's me x

OP posts:
Overthinkerzzz · 06/02/2014 12:49

I have been with my girlfriend for 9 months, this is our first Valentines day. I'm quite the romantic anyway. In he past I have just done silly little things but this year I have made a journal filled with memories and cinema stubs etc, and listed ways that I love her etc etc.

6 weeks...I think it depends really, I would probably get a card, if he doesn't get you one...hide it. If he does, bring yours out.

I am cooking a 3 course (cheap) meal for my girlfriend, that is nothing I wouldn't do on a "normal"day though.

Overthinkerzzz · 06/02/2014 12:49

in the past as in with ex partners

Dahlen · 06/02/2014 13:17

See, I don't like the idea of writing him a card and only getting it out if he brings one out first. I think if you want to give him one, you should just do it - it's about how you feel, not a tit-for-tat thing.

Not only that, but it sets a (IMO unhealthy) precedent in your relationship that he sets the lead and you follow at a pace entirely of his own devising. Far better to be true to yourself and direct about it and see if your differing approaches fit together well, rather than trying to be the 'perfect' girlfriend - not too keen/not too independent - as you think he wants (which you don't know as you haven't got to know him yet). It takes your mind off deciding whether this is the right person for you because you're instantly in the mindset of worrying about how you appear to him.

ShowMeSaturn · 06/02/2014 14:42

Maybe he's thinking the same way.

Suggest a date that night, wrap yourself up in some strategically placed red ribbon, and request that he unwraps you for Valentines instead of a card.

Twinklestein · 06/02/2014 18:55

I think I might feel a bit embarrassed about doing Valentine's day with someone I'd been dating 6 weeks.

I would just forget about it & if he comes up trumps great, if he doesn't, you've not been together long.

Cabrinha · 06/02/2014 19:11

I'm with Dahlen - do what YOU want, but not OTT.
I've been with my boyfriend 5 months. I don't give a flying fuck about Valentine's Day - I think it's tacky, honestly.
I have a sneaking suspicion he likes it.

But here's what I want from a boyfriend: if I get him a card because I want to, and it's not his thing, and he hadn't hit me one... I want him to appreciate that I care about (or love him). I want him to like that I wanted to make the gesture, even though it's not a gesture he'd make. I want him to not make feel embarrassed - either for being the one that does, or the one that doesn't. If he likes it and I don't, I expect him to get the hell over grumpiness and remember that I show him how I feel every day. I expect us to care about each other enough that any discrepancy in how we approach it is a non issue. I expect him not to run scared because I dare to say "I like you" (or love, but 6 weeks is early) - cos you know what? My love is a privilege. So is yours :)

Bedtime1 · 07/02/2014 09:08

We do valentines day and been together 11 years. We still buy a card and gifts, even after all these years. We also have a meal out, or in like m and s valentines meal deal or a takeaway . We have always done something upto now!

After 6 weeks I'd say get a non soppy card. Not much wording. Etc. I think a meal out if you don't have anywhere to cook a meal / takeaway but if too expensive then a drink or movies
I might give a little cheeky gift . Not expensive something sexy/ saucy or a chocolate heart. Not expensive maybe £5.

Trills · 07/02/2014 09:11

I agree with Dahlen

If you want to have the sort of relationship where you do cards on Valentine's Day - get him a card and give it to him.