Valentine's day

[jesy]

Hi
I've been dating this man for about six weeks , well the dreaded Valentine's day is conning up , do I get him a little card or not .
I sort of mentioned Valentine's day last night but being a man he didn't twig lol
I guess deep down I'm hoping he'll get me a card, never had one before so it would be nice . I did think of get to g him a silly gift , I don't know .
I seem to mess all relationships up be it bf or mate's.
What would you guys do six weeks Into it

We do Valentines and have been together thirty years now

I wouldn't get him a card. I've always done the running and it has never worked out.

I'd wait and let him make the effort if he likes you enough. If he's that old fashioned he will probably feel a bit like it's his job to anyway.

If he asks why you didn't, say you didn't want to put any pressure on him at this stage.

I think if I wanted to give someone a valentines card after six weeks I would probably get an un-mushy one and just put a simple message like I like you a lot, let's see where this goes! Or something like that. Nothing too OTT.

Why can't you just talk to him about his thoughts regarding valentines day?

So I take it the ones that don't like the commercialisation of Valentines day would also object if the card was accompanied with flights to Paris for the weekend in a nice hotel, drinking champagne?

I would object to that actually. I'd think it lacked imagination and was a bit of a cliche. And if it came with red roses too...

Oh it would've done too! I must be so predictable.

I'm in the same situation, been seeing somebody for a few weeks, Valentines Day next Friday.... Don't know whether to get a card or not, think not, but then what if he gets me one...

My last Valentines Day with XH was a mockery because he was texting OW all the time and I didn't know it, so the lovely card and flowers etc all meant nothing as it turned out. It has put me off Valentines day having any meaning.

Well I'm sure MrsJames would love it. We're all different, aren't we?

Each to their own Neil
I'd enjoy the trip, yes - but I'd think it was rolling out all the clichés and be more bowled over by a surprise night in the Peaks given on a random day, with a coke to drink. Horses for courses!

Dealt with aligning expectations today with my newish boyfriend of 5 months. I'm of the bah-humbug persuasion, but had a small suspicion he was more into it.

He said something that I was able to reply with "ah well, you wait til you see your Valentine present!"

Him: "wtf? You're not getting me a present are you?"

Me: "I've seen something you'll like, if it doesn't arrive til Fri, it's a de facto Valentine present. Don't expect a card."

There followed a frank conversation about preferences, and I'm happy to report we're on the same page! It is good to just talk if you're unsure!

Incidentally, he will love the present. I'm going to wrap it up all red ribbons and bows, really OTT... It's an axe sharpener! :)

I like Valentines Day (not this year though).

I just think we get so busy with everyday stuff that it's nice to spend a day being romantic, that's not to say it isn't done all throughout the year though if I'm in a relationship.

I'd love to go to Paris whether it was February, March, April etc and I LOVE flowers but equally, it's just lovely to get a card. Remember the anonymous cards you used to get at school? That feeling doesn't go away when you're a grown up. It makes you smile, I dare anyone to deny that and just put it straight in the bin without it making you feel special.

What I disagree with are the devil cuddly toys holding hearts declaring their everlasting love, it's like keeping a Christmas tree up all year, gets tacky but I think there's a place for that with some.

Why not spoil someone on what is seen as a romantic day? There's too many horrible things going on to rubbish a day that some people actually look forward to.

jesy - I love your idea to make him a card.

I agree with just ask him, be upfront about it and say 'so do you 'do' valentines day?' - well this is what i would do any way (but then I have been in far too many shit relationships to beat around any bushes)

Dp and I (together 2 years) both don't 'do' it at all.

So I asked him out for Sat , he said good thinking as Fri will be full of silly fools lol
Well that me told but least I know how he feels.

Sort of ok with it I'll still make the card tho. Deep Down disappointed but it's only been six weeks and my ex didn't bother and we'd been together a year.
Trying to tell myself it's just one day lol
I'm trying hard not rush this as tend to do so. And last night was first time I'd asked him out before he done all the running .

But Jesy - why does his opinion get to be the one that stands?
When he says "silly fools" why can't you smile and say "don't be a grumpy bugger, I love Valentine's day, it's fun".
You see, otherwise you set yourself up for a lifetime of being disappointed. I don't mean with him, over Valentine's. I mean with men, over everything!
Bet you were too worried to say you like it, in case you scare him off. If you scare him off, he's not for you.

I do totally think 6 weeks is no time at all so you shouldn't go OTT - but you should feel comfortable saying what you think.

As it happens, I have friends who love all the hearts and flowers and tacky teddy shit (my opinion!) but who also think people are fools going out on the day for dinner, as it's busy and over priced and fake.

I don't think your view has to be dominant. If he really doesn't like it, he shouldn't have to do something big. But even if he hates it, if he knows you like it, he should do a card. Maybe that's next year, not 6 weeks in. But how's it going to happen next year if you've just agreed with him it's for silly fools?

My boyfriend and I agree we don't do it - but I felt perfectly comfortable saying to him that I still wanted romance on other days.

Looking at the text I said I think it's sweet so I guess I did say something.

I am worried I'll scare him off , last year a bloke I'd been seeing dumped me as I'd started to get feelings for him , isn't that the idea of dating lol.
But although I don't fancy him to death and there are obstacles I do like him .
It not often I've found a bloke who is old fashioned, not rushing into anything physical in fact it was our third date before he kissed me and last week surprised me with a day out and even made a picnic.
So I guess that was romantic

Maybe he meant, 'silly fools' who make a big gesture just one day out of the year and get ripped off? as opposed to couples who try to do nice considerate things all year round.

An axe sharpener... Cabrinha wins the "Valentine gift you'd never think of buying" prize .

I guess it a bit soon for romance his divorce oh came thru two week a go

Thanks Donkeys, I'm sure an old romantic!

Jesy - please, don't sell yourself short and make excuses for accepting less than you want. Frankly, if it were too soon (because of his divorce) for him to be romantic, then he should sod off til he's ready!
YOU DESERVE TO BE ROMANCED!!!
And actually, the picnic sounds lovely. He sounds fine.

You know what? My divorce isn't through at all. That's often a timing and practical thing unrelated to emotions for the old or new partner. I'm not actually divorced yet, doesn't stop me being soppy over the axe sharpener :)

The thing with communication is that it isn't just for finding out what the other person feels, it's about explaining how you feel too.

The picnic was nice bit bloody cold but romantic a nd it's kind of romantic he want to wait to have sex .

The Simpson's just gave me an idea instead of Valentine's day ongoing for

Like you day lol