to those who stayed after OH had an affair...

[houmousandcarrotsandwich]

Brief history. ..
H was caught out (again! ) in December. Says it was only emotional, but has admitted to 2 kisses with 2 different people. This time I was done, but he refused to leave (I couldn't as 2 dcs and no where to go).

This time he has however been scared shitless he could loose everything.
At the moment I can do no wrong. He is giving me regular lie ins, doing more house chores, flowers, notes etc. And most importantly taken himself to counselling
We are also in the hysterical bonding stage.

now...I don't know what I want.

I'm still miles off forgiveness, still not wearing my wedding rings.
I can't help but think this is all an act to get back in my good books (is this change too good to be true?)
But..what if this how things stay? (am I being too hopefull/stupid? )
Will I ever forgive?

So to those who have walked in my shoes, is there sunshine after the rain? I would appreciate hearing your experiences x

[WhateverTrevor83]

I may as well be miserable with him and not have the upheaval for DCs

They will respect you a whole lot more when they are adults if you kick him out. Please. For you, for them - get that self respect back. My dad was a very naughty boy but for a long time I was angrier with mum than dad... I pitied her for putting up with it so long. When she finally threw him out I had a whole new found respect for her and she flourished in a totally new person (it sounds like a cliche, but you will get through it after the initial shock).

You all deserve so much better than this, really

[houmousandcarrotsandwich]

But he has to be in my life, he is DCs father. I see that I would be causing so much disruption and still have to deal with him.

I'm not staying with for the kids (I don't agree with that concept either), but for the lesser of two evils.

I am not actively choosing to be unhappy. I just see no way of being happy. He has said if I move away he will follow, my family are not supporting me, I don't want f up Christmas and birthdays for the rest of time.

[WhateverTrevor83]

There's a difference between staying with him and him being in your life as your kid's dad and you choosing to stay with someone who cheats. It's up to you but if the 'lesser of two evils' robs you of your self esteem I can't see how you will survive mentally. No one is out to attack you... I just hope you can move on... however you see fit x

[LavenderGreen14]

He doesn't have to be in your life to still be an active father.

[houmousandcarrotsandwich]

How can he not be in my life if he's an active father?

[LavenderGreen14]

Because he can still have a relationship with the children without having a relationship with you - it is possible.

[jen2014]

Have you considered that without him you might meet someone who does deserve you? Who will stand up for you and support you?
My DH and his ex had just about the most acrimonious split and custody case you could conceive. But now he and I are married with kids, and she has married someone else and they too have kids. Access over DSD is (now) easy, plentiful and both parties hardly need to speak to each other.
He will never ever forgive his ex or be friends, but TIME HEALS. It really does I promise. But you need to make the break and endure the hard bit.