I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

[BunnyLebowski]

I was going to name change but fuck it.

I have no friends. None. Not one.

I have no social life. I haven't been on a proper night out in years.

I am a SAHM and pregnant with DC2. We live in a city where we have no family. Just me and DP. Every night. On the sofa watching box sets. We have become far too co-dependent and I am filling up with resentment about it .

I had awful experiences at both school and uni with groups of girls who I thought were my friends and have ended up quite damaged and I think self-protective because of it.

I am a good person. I am kind and thoughtful and a good listener. I love company and really miss laughing with a friend over silly things.

However I have been told many times that I am intimidating. I really don't mean to be. Resting bitch face maybe?! I am smart and witty but also sarcastic, intolerant of idiots and am maybe just a wee bit judgemental. If anyone has seen Cougar Town I think I'm a bit like Ellie .

I am a wannabe 50's pin-up who drinks whiskey and quotes films with probably irritating regularity. I find it easier to talk to men in social scenarios (mainly because DP's friends are the only people I see in a social setting) but I haven't connected with anyone as a proper friend.

I don't like a lot of the designated 'girly' activities. I hate shopping. I hate romcoms and pink wine. I would rather eat my own head than go out clubbing in a big group of girls. I don't watch soaps or I'm a Celebrity. Hen dos bring me out in hives.

I made myself go to baby/toddler groups with DD1 and I hated every minute. As much as I love my DD I don't want to talk just about babies and BLW etc which is the experience I had. Competitive parenting everywhere.

In the past 5 years I have met 2 people who I initially thought I might be able to forge a friendship with.

One is a complete drama llama who dramatically declared herself an alcoholic then decided she wasn't and now gets drunk and rants on FB most nights. And once made a pass at DP. Needless to say she's off the list.

Person No.2 is someone I thought I had a lot in common with (50's clothing and kitsch etc) but is very much a Mimi and turns out has at least mild homophobic and racist tendencies .

I say hello to people on the school run but many of the mums seem quite cliquey (could be me projecting because of my bad experiences) and besides how do you turn a school run hello into a friendship??

When I see people on FB having big get-togethers or checking in on their sofa with their friends and wine I like I positively seethe with envy. Recently I have started getting really upset about the whole situation.

I have this vision of living somewhere where I make friends with a group of the neighbours and we have raucous nights in around the table laughing and listening to music. Sad much?? .

How can I make friends? Are there any people out there like me? At 33 am I destined to be this sad twat for the rest of my days? Has anyone been in a similar situation and changed it?

Alternatively are there any rent-a-friend websites?!

If you have made it to the end of this pathetic rant for you.

Hi Headagainstwall, how's your day been? Your hair looks lovely BTW

Thanks wundawumman! I've discovered this new shampoo that's for horses. It's called Mane & Tail.

(See is that too weird? I really did though)

Yep, I'm an aspie

But I think that's almost irrelevant. I know so many aspies that it feels like a character setup rather than anything more dramatic. I like aspies. And I can't be arsed about getting it wrong on the internet and being hassled by snide randoms. I've had enough of that crap in life, and the nice people are nice (aspie and non) while the "you should behave differently, you're not good enough" lot turn out to be cocks whatever you do. I'm not without social awareness and I don't want to hurt other people, but equally I haven't got time for people who just want to have a go. I think if you haven't come to be nice and make friends, you should be a bit more self aware and notice that - what does it say about you?

Hello Wunda

I just had salmon and ratatouille for dinner and once DD is in bed will be watching The Undateables.

Mundanity counts as small talk right?!

Mum, sounds nice. Quite an exciting night for me as I am taking out DP for a birthday drink (way too late for me already I think).

waves to Headagainstwall

Oooh, you're probably down the road from me or something. How exciting! I'll PM you.

Bunny has accepted my job application too. Feeling very smug now and announced to DH that I'll be hitting the town (or maybe just talking to someone other than him) which cheered him up no end.

This thread is great. It's positive, and it's hopeful. It's about finding a way to be yourself, but reach out too, which can be very exposing. It's brave to know what you like about yourself and be able to say that, but also know what you'd like to change, and ask for help with that.

Quite interesting that quite a few people on this thread are in W Yorks. Or maybe just dragged out of the woodwork.

Some...a fan of black books I take it!? :)
I am not aspie. I just have zero tolerance for bullshit.
It's taken me to the ripe old age of 41 to realise I don't have to talk to people if I don't want to.
I still like all the geeky stuff I liked at 17 and make no apology for it.
I am working my way through game of thrones Boxset ATM and am reading a book about classical Greece.
I enjoy programmes about trains and my idea of a good time is researching the Art Deco period.
There is no hope for me is there? :)

You quoted Beck, that makes us instant friends
did you know you have a 36 year old twin in Oldcotes, north nottinghamshire?
You sound a right laugh to be honest, it's not your fault other
people you meet are boring!
high five to you, keep on keeping on :)

Well, after all my talk of being easy-going with people and not demanding that they share your interests...

Yey badvoc :)
Yes to black books. Game of thrones is great, also, and I have a degree in Classics so with you there too

I'm not generally aggressive, just tired and fucked off . It's been a long day without a nap for my 2yo, DH has just come in and now I need to give her beans and put her to bed then when she's finally asleep sort something for us, which will be so late my indigestion and vomiting will kick off. Grumble grumble. I'm normally all sweetness and light, or nearly but I hi-five anyone who's simply too old (in experience) for the BS.

Wow what a thread!

I used to have cool funky friends when I lived in London. However,since I got made redundant and ended up moving back home to a v dull town in the West Midlands to care for my dad who has dementia I am really struggling. I have one old friend from my A level days who is busy with kids and college and another one who I don't really have much in common with. Would love some arty friends but they don't seem to exist round here...

High fives to all the lovely people on this thread.
You all sound awesome.
(I think that BB episode is my favourite one some I often quote bits of it to bemused people :))

I like:

'Have you ever had one? [a partner with a nice arse]'.
'There was this one woman, Janine. I don't know if it
was nice but it was ... Huge. There was this tremendous sense of value.'

I think that some of the best friendships can be made in the most unlikely settings and from people that you would never expect to make friends with. But I also think that in the very beginning of meeting someone it will usually start with just casual chat, it's only after a while that the true friendship will start to develop, when you begin to find out what Makes each other tick etc. one of my best friendships started over a sink in a hairdressing salon, the lady in question had had a stroke and couldn't stand properly to have her hair washed, I offered to help, then we would see each other every week and I would do the same thing, this was 6 yrs ago now and we are the best of friends, Initially I would never of thought we would end up such close friends.Your soon to be friends may be closer than you think, you just haven't met yet !

I love the bit in the first episode where Bernard is filling his tax return in
"Mothers maiden name!? How do I know!? I only ever knew her as "ma!""
:)

"I ate all your bees!" is my favourite bit of black books :o

(And that will totally out me if anyone I know IRL is on here)

Ps badvoc is one of my online friends and I'm very glad she is

Aw Black Books is a classic. The episode with Manny and the absinthe and the bees is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

And I think Bernard could

Another W Yorkshire lass following the thread with interest. I wouldn't say I'm any weirder than anyone else, but I do take aaaages to get to know people and open up and it gets harder and harder to meet new people as you get older I reckon. I'll be anyone's friend Oh and most of my friends thought I hated them at first, so I guess I'm not that approachable!

Also a massive BB fan. And IT crowd and Big Bang Theory and GoT and far too many box sets to mention :)

Fucking hell Bunny i'll be your friend. You sound great. D'you know, there must be shit loads of people in exactly the same position.

Where do you live. I have wine, shit loads of it. and a massive (empty) table. and some kitsch.

Lin! :) feeling better?
My new Sherlock box set came today! Hurrah!
guess what I will be doing all weekend

Elizabeth...I sense we are soul mates.
Or something
:)