Hi SoleSource, I don't know how much help I can be but didn't want to read without replying!
You don't say in your OP your age, or what stage of life you're at - do you work, are you at university?
My parents were not very emotionally demonstrative, and my mother in particular was a bit unpredictable in how she responded to things (now I look back I can see that she relied too much on us children for emotional support rather than my dad, and that she'd sometimes fly into rages at the tiniest things)
All very difficult to process because it wasn't until recently, when I saw friends having small children, that I realised there was anything unusual about my mum's parenting skills (or lack thereof).
Since then I've started to realise that I've been a bit of a doormat in some of my personal relationships, perhaps because of all the years I spent appeasing my mother, and I'm still working through how I can stay assertive without being offensive, and keeping boundaries about things that matter to me.
I'd had therapy before I realised all this about my mum - but I'd thought at the time that she was just a 'powerful woman' (as I told my therapist) it wasn't until afterwards, seeing my friends with their children, that I realised that my mother was actually quite overbearing and intrusive.
Luckily my partner has helped me a lot, observing how his family operate has really helped, and I've got some great friends who have helped me learn things about what's socially acceptable and things - watching others has really helped me a lot.
Sometimes I struggle to know whether I'm standing up to myself enough - or too much - I fear sometimes that I'm crossing the line over into being controlling, like my mother often was, and I never know whether when I'm being accommodating whether I'm letting people take advantage of me IYSWIM?
In my experience, it helps so much though when you can see what you've been through and how it has affected the development of your personality. Good luck op - it's not easy 