I fyou felt as a child that you had zero emotional support from your parent(s) etc

[SoleSource]

How has this affected how you deal with your emotions as an adult?

Do you find emotions hard to deal with?

Are you afraid of asking for help or just being yourself or not know how to word your feelings from being afraid of being vulnerable and attacked?

As I do sometimes...as I had zero emotional support as a child and was emotionally abused and verbally attacked constantly by my Father. I have been NC for nine years now.

I'm single and have had a course of therapy but feel I have been hurt far too much and am scared of letting others 'in'.

I think the main impact it's had on me is zero self esteem. I just don't think I'm worth standing up for. Because if my parents didn't, then... who would?

I am pretty much the opposite in my parenting though. I'm doing well on that front I think (hope!)

Also if we are independent and self reliant others see us as never needing help and can 'put upon us' IYSWIM - YES

I think what I do is hide my vulnerability, so I appear independent and self reliant but truly I'm not I just don't know how else to be?

Yes, I am too open as well. Probably loneliness.... and wanting to connect with others and then they take the piss.

frugal - zero self-esteem - YES.

No wonder I feel doomed at times!

" I am too open as well. Probably loneliness.... and wanting to connect with others " YES

I am lonely, lost and alone. Yet married with dc so everyone sees a confident woman who has support.

I was dealing with this in therapy recently. I've had a work issue where I was being denied training that I should be entitled to, for very tenuous reasons (related to disability/illness) - but I found it so, so hard to be assertive. I just convinced myself that they didn't want me to do it because of some other flaw.

I'm happy to say though that I did confront it - shaking like a bloody leaf and burst into tears on my colleague after - but I DID IT.

And am now getting my training :)

Well done you frugal.

I was about to post

"see I over shared and everyone has deserted me"

Great progress *fruga#

to everybody on this thread

I totally empathise with each of you

Not me Random, not ever!!!!

Off to eat roast dinner that my loving, kind, wonderful dh has made - see I'm a bitch for moaning about him...

LOL random - nope you are not!!!! a bitch

I have learnt to use words to convey warmth to others but my overall demeanour is quite steely and firm - useful at times but totally belies the self loathing jelly beneath. YES

So I can be astute at reading other people, recognising their feelings and responding in a helpful and soothing way. But my own feelings? I have never felt I have the 'right' to stand up for myself, insist on something going 'my' way, ask for help or support. YES

This is quite freaky!

wish I could find that normal place between being too open and rigidly closed! - YES

It's so good to connect with others who've had similar / the same experiences!

Totally recognise the two work experiences - about getting 'passed over' for stuff and not feeling able to assert yourself - and that feeling of your feelings not being 'important' - I've suffered EA from 2 particularly twatty ex-boyfriends for exactly that!

Going offline for the rest of the evening now but to everyone on the thread (and anyone lurking and recognising themselves - some for you too)

I wanted to ask you all - do you find it easier to be more open on here, faceless, written down than in real life?

I certainly do - somehow I physically struggle to say the words in RL, somehow makes me feel much more vulnerable than on here where I can hide behind a screen and username.
shoots off to namechange quick

I cannot deal with my emotions and withdraw from people as I won't get hurt by anyone this way. I never ask for help and stubbornly struggle through. My mother was verbally,emotionally and physically abusive daily. She would often tell me how she wished she had aborted me and that I was a fucking bitch whilst landing another beating on me and my siblings.
I find it hard looking in the mirror at myself as I am ugly, she left me with scars on my face from physical abuse.
I was thick at school and do not like to open my mouth for fear of being laughed at in offering opinions and my grammar. Always told to get to the back of the classroom. She always told me I was a thick shit and useless. Never got cuddles or I love you just beatings and humiliation. I fucking hate her and how she has affected my life. It's not fair that I feel rubbish about me but is all I deserve really as I know no better.
Had a thread going a while ago about letting her back into our lives again, must of been having a weak moment. I never ever want to see or hear of her again. It's bad enough that I still see her in my nightmares at my age.

bongobaby - huge hugs, nope never let her back in your life.

You are worth more, easy to say but oh so hard to grasp with both hands and believe. If I knew how to install that in you I would because your mother was a liar and thief.

Haven't read whole thread, but my answer to each question is 'yes' , with the added bonus of not being able to trust anyone, ever. Not their motivations, their love, nothing.

DP is chipping away at my armour, but it doesn't take much for the defences to fly up

Reading thread now - it's like coming home.

Leverette - I could have written your post.

I had zero emotional support from my parents. They were quite abusive and played mind games in order to punish and belittle us. I found it really difficult as a child because I respond to logic and consistency and I got neither in childhood.

As an adult I don't find emotions hard to deal with. I'm happy to state how I'm feeling but because I'm so independent and self-assured people don't seem to get that I need support sometimes. Asking for support rarely happens because it's rarely on offer. Sometimes I still feel like that small child who has stopped crying because it makes no difference because no-one responds anyway!