he lasted longer than i thought

[wontletmesignin]

I sent him packing in early november. He was very EA to me and my dc.

I have had NC at all since then. He has tried, but i ignored at all costs.
When i got the non-molestation order, he breached it and ended up being arrested.
Pleaded not guilty and so waiting for trial.

Anyway, since the arrest i havent heard a thing. Peaceful to say the least.

Only yesterday he subscribed to my youtube channel.
I dont really use it. It just popped up in my inbox saying he has subscribed.

Im quite shocked, considering we should be looking at going to trial sometime this month.

He is not allowed to contact me in any way, shape or form.
Which is quite annoying, as technically he hasnt contacted me.

Do you think this is worth mentioning, or should i just leave it. I guess i should expect some form of contact very soon as he couldnt resist the urge to click on 'subscribe' which is just pathetic in my eyes.

Maybe his way of saying "im still here"

So my question is: do i wait for the actual contact, or mention something now to stop it going further.
Which it may actually not. Fingers crossed he just leaves it at that

It is. It is all guilt tripping to try and get me to make some form of contact.
She says she just wants to know we are all ok.

Bullshit

Thank you distancecall

They kidnapped your child. Please steel yourself against this woman. You are clearly a good person (and she clearly isn't), but you must.

Her heart is breaking for your child? Why, because he won't be abused by her and her family any more?

IGNORE. You are doing the right thing. You need to cut this crap out of your life.

Perhaps in the future - and it's a big if - you might want to allow her to see your child in a public space, under your supervision. But she really, really needs to earn it, and you really need to teach her that you won't be trampled on.

You're doing the right thing, and you need to hear it. It's pleasure. And I think you're being amazing.

Thank you so much!
I need to keep coming back to this thread when im feeling weak!

Again...she knows i dont want her contacting me - but she feels it is ok because a SW says she can. So she is disregarding my feelings completely.

Another text just now. "Please wontlet me yes or no x"

Thats what her son kept asking me when i wouldnt answer him.

Please wont just let me know if you will speak to me again. Just a yes or no.

Hmmm is it him or is it her.

Either way - theyre both the same

I've no idea if a SW said she can - she might be "misinterpreting" what the SW said. Or else the SW is an idiot.

In any case, the point is that she gives a shit about what you feel. She expects you to pander to her wishes because you are a good person and will feel guilty. Sorry to be blunt, but UP HERS.

The most relevant person here is your son, and you are doing the right thing by protecting him from that foul environment.

They want you to say SOMETHING, ANYTHING, so they can latch onto it and use it against you. Your silence and perceived indifference is driving them batty and unable to attack you.

Which is exactly why you must continue not to react.

Christ what a bunch of lunatics.

You must remember, they want you to engage with them, in any way or form, because that way they will be able to continue the (toxic, abusive) relationship. Your ignoring them is the thing they most fear.

And please continue to take precautions. Every single time they contact you, report it.

You have to resist responding OP. If you do respond, this'll be the start of an attempt to gradually reel you back in.

You're some way on a journey escaping from a nightmare. What they're asking is for you to turn around and start walking down the path back into the nightmare.

Any contact from you will be you telling them "yes, if you blackmail me enough I'll start doing things your way".

Yes you are right. Up hers.

It is definitely coming across as though they are losing control.
I can see the cycle of abuse also.
I will not fall for it.

I keep worrying about social services. About how they may feel i am playing a game of some sorts, as thats what ex has said.

But i am doing nothing wrong for choosing to ignore a person i want no contact with. They cant do or say anything on that matter, can they?

As people have said. GPs have no rights. So therefore, it is down to the parents decision. Dad is allowed no contact, so it is all my decision.

Yup. I will phone the officer now and report it. Hopefully once my solicitor gets in touch i may see about adding GM onto the non molestation order. If that is possible.

Yes, never respond, always report.

Responding is them making you dance like a puppet.

YOU ARE NOT PLAYING A GAME. You don't want these people to get in touch with you, and you are being consistent. You are not bargaining or negotiating or anything.

You have decided that you don't want these people in your life, and you're entitled to decide who you talk to. All this bollocks about game playing is just your ex trying to mindfuck you. If you don't engage, he has nothing to stand on.

Thank you all.

I have reported it and an officer will be out to my home betwern 4-5pm

I have also phoned the domestic violence advocates and they are coming to my home on friday.

Hopefully something can be done.

I know i could just change my number or block theirs. But if i do that, then i cant log. And i feel i need to as it helps others see that i am not lying.

I have changed my number really. I got a new phone. The other phone stays in the house.

I also shouldnt have to change my number.
Ive already deleted my facebook and things.
Why should it be me getting rid of my things, when im not doing anything wrong!

Well done. You're doing all the right things, and hopefully you will get real life help very soon. Meanwhile, feel free to talk here any time you like. You're doing great.

Well done for not responding.

Thank you!

Police have just phoned. Sorted it over the phone rather than coming out.

They are going to see GM this afternoon to tell her to stop it.

God knows what that will do. Sort it out or rile them up

Hopefully they get there soon. Another text and phone call grrrrr

Ignore. And be ready to call the police pronto if they turn up.

But I think it will probably will scare her off - it will show her that you are not afraid of reporting her, and the police take this seriously.

Fingers crossed!

Solicitor has just phoned and says she thinks GM is phoning me as my solicitor is ignoring her.

Apparently she has been calling every few days, and she says she is not going to repeat the same thing every few days. Especially when my legal aid doesnt cover it

Ok. Let the police deal with this now. They are trying to win a war of attrition, so you've got to hold firm and not give in. They want to go back to normal - only their "normal" is you being abused and doing whatever they say. This is infuriating them because they realise that you are actually getting out.

You really are doing all the right things lovey!

Well done you! (((hug))) we know this is hard!

That makes a lot of sense, distancecall.
I will move on now. Or try lol.

Thank you hissy. It is really hard.
Its just one thing after another with me at the minute. Drama, drama, drama.

So pleased mumsnet exists to get it all out! Phew.