Oh, wow, thank you all so much for the lovely 
Really, I'm a very happy old lady - I had such a wonderful life (albeit short, just three years) married to my husband J., and the years before when we were longing to marry and we spent as much time together as we could were sort of bitteer-sweet. But I had to divorce the guy, my kids' father, who'd spent the 20 years of our 'marriage' banging my (ex) 'best friend' and other women. I stuck it out 'for the childrens' sake'- BIG mistake! Can't begin to describe how much it affected my sanity, health etc. etc.
But I did it - divorced him and J. and I married. I felt so totally loved and cherished by him and this stays with me. His sudden death was, actually, gentle and peaceful, died in my arms, no pain or trauma for him anjd I hope I go that way too.
Reason I'm going on about this here is that I am so sad when I read posts from women here in awful realationships - they're being horribly treated by their husbands/partners. I think PLEASE PLEASE don't do what I did and stick out out, for the children/because he might 'change'/because you're not sure how you'll manage/what will the family think/he's making you think it's all your fault ...?
You have only one life. Don't spend it on a hiding to nowhere with some awful man who WON'T CHANGE.
I could write an essay on what I went through in those ghastly 20 years when I 'stuck it out' for the kids' sake (they've told me I should have left him).
But I did have those wonderful, happy, glorious three years with J. and he still 'visits' me in my dreams. As I've said, I am happy, they more than made up for the 20 awful years with the cheating, nasty exH. Who is, by the way, now married to one of the women he was banging during our marriage ... and as miderable as sin ... [there IS a God - hallelujah!]
Rant over!