What can I do about this one? It's a bit long.

[Stickyfeet]

DH is going away on a work trip next month. Long haul for 10 days. Was initially him and a male colleague, now they've decided to take two juniors, one of whom is female and very beautiful.

They are planning, for the sake of economy, to rent a two-bed apartment. The plan being that him and his colleague take a bedroom each, the juniors take the sofa beds in the living space. However, he's not known for his ability to stand his ground with arrangements like this (simply in the sense that when someone else bagsys the better bed they tend to win), so who knows how it will end up. Great apartment, gym, jacuzzi on the roof.

I'm pissed off. I'm aware that on a spectrum of possessive to couldn't-give-a-shit, I guess I tip over to the possessive side... but really, it's a rare occasion that I feel like this.

My issues are, to begin with, this is not what I signed up for. Until I went into hospital with my first child, we'd never spent a night apart. The trips away began with one weekend conference a year, but now are numerous trips away, including these longer stays. He has control over the trips he goes on, although I accept that professionally there is a benefit, so there it is. I am also grizzly because I never 'get' to do this sort of thing. I annoy myself with this one, because it's not like anyone can stop me, but I miss my babies SOOO much that it outweighs the advantages. So I'm not jealous of him going exactly, but more that he can detach himself enough to do it, iyswim. It limits my own professional development and it means that DH does not have to deal with the apartment sharing, jacuzzi sharing situ in reverse because my life is not so glamorous. Oh yes, and I'm jealous that he's going to spend 10 days having lots of fun with a beautiful woman while I am dishevelled and covered in baby snot.

I could put all this stuff aside if they had a more professional accommodation, a hotel with a separate room/bathroom for the female junior would be fine. It's the two bed apartment which is really fucking me off. But apparently they've looked and this isn't an option due to cost.

WWYD?

I don't really know what to say, you sound really jealous.

If you feel your dh is constantly away when he doesn't have to be, leaving you holding the baby then that's something to discuss with him.

But all this apartment stuff, what exactly is your problem? That he is going to end up on a sofa bed? That he's going to end up in bed with the female colleague? That they're going to have a threesome?

If your husbands colleague wasn't beautiful would you still be worried?

Hmmm unless you have a reason to distrust him you should just decide/deliberate over the return treats you want for the extra childcare that will suit you. it would bother me a little about the glam colleague etc but if you do trust him, don't waste more time worrying. Perhaps you want to give yourself time for an ego boost/romantic evening before you go? Perhaps you ought to try a short trip yourself? Dd copes better than I hope when I'm gone :)

I don't get it. It is a work trip. Who is paying, and who is deciding?

The sleeping arrangements do not sound very professional. Although it might well be your dh who was not being professional when he agreed to it.

Have you got any reason not to trust him while he is away?

If not, then you just have to remind yourself that you are being jealous and choose to let go of that feeling on the basis that you have the joy of your bond with your children.

Or start going on business trips yourself.

I am very sympathetic, OP to the 'holding the fort' while the OH does have the glamour job but what struck me was the young female on a sofa bed sharing with a male colleague?

I would be pissed off and jealous too and that doesn't necessarily mean you don't trust him, just that you're probably not feeling your best right now and he's going to spend ten days enjoying himself and this involves a colleague who is beautiful and everything you don't feel YOU are right now.

Not much advice, not much to be done really but I agree it sounds unprofessional.

Good point day Lilly, perhaps op should point out that dh is in loco parentis as the young woman does seem to have poor boundaries. Used to travel a fair bit when I was younger and I wouldn't have agreed to that setup.

I understand why you're pissed off but, ultimately you only don't get to do things like this (i.e time away, relaxing solo etc) because you choose not to.

So on balance, you should try and let go of the jealousy. I agree the set up, room wise, doesn't help.

So, the senior people get the bedrooms and the juniors get the sofa beds. They sound like a pair of twats.

Thanks for reading and replying.

The juniors wouldn't be sharing one sofa bed, but would be in the same open living space. I have mentioned this to DH and asked him whether they have partners and how they would feel about it. It doesn't sound like he's actually mentioned it to the juniors yet but he seems to think they won't mind although the guy has a girlfriend.

Jealous - yep. Not in the sense that I expect him to jump into bed with her. Rather in the ways I mentioned in the OP. It's the informal apartment sharing which has tipped me from vaguely envious to pissed off, although I don't have a soundly rational explanation for this.

Thanks too sparkly and daylily for empathising :)

Shakey - it is true, but also, I don't know any hot young men who I can think of a suitable excuse to go long haul with for apartment sharing :(

I really doubt whether it's necessary for 4 people, 1 woman and 3 men, to share an apartment. It sounds very, very unprofessional.

What is the purpose of the trip? Who will be paying - his company or a client?

Who has decided on the price that will be paid?

Sorry, but I work in the cheapest possible place and they wouldn't do this - we'd all have a single room if we were going for that long, particularly. In any case, NOBODY would expect a woman to share a room with a man. Seriously - who would do this?

That's some sort of shitty employer that would force their employees, on long haul extended trips, to suffer these sorts of sleeping arrangements

it's hard to believe it is allowed to happen

Yeah I agree I've had to share rooms with other women before but sharing a bathroom and flat with 3 make colleagues? That'd be a trip to skip.

I can't think of anything worse, don't care what the scenery's like.

I wouldn't be happy with those sleeping arrangements OP.

Very unprofessional of his company to expect 4 people to share a 2 bed appartment - sounds to me like they fancy the roof jacuzzi more than an economy suite in the Marriott. I trust my DH but I wouldn't be particularly happy about him staying in a shared appartment with too few bedrooms and an attractive female.

I'm not sure in the circumstances that the grown up thing to do is to just suck it up, he has a family too and he can surely see why you would have concerns about this set up.

I cannot believe how unprofessional the company/trip organisers are being. And you don't think the young female colleague has even been informed yet? It just sounds really unpleasant, as well as being a juicy plot line for office gossip to spread very fast.

Shitty employers.

God that's an appalling way to treat their junior colleagues. If their work can afford to send them on a long-haul trip for 10 days it can bloody well afford individual bedrooms.

Otherwise - well, honestly, OP, I think you are being a bit unreasonable by being jealous of him for going on a trip like this when actually you wouldn't want to go.

Those arrangements are totally unfair on the ones sleeping in the living area. It's bad enough kipping on the sofa when it's friends or family, but senior colleagues? That's the pits.

They should stump up for hotel rooms. If anybody has to share (DP sometimes has to) they absolutely must be same sex.

Flying long haul to arrive at a shared bathroom with my boss? No fucking way.

This has clarified a lot of my issues with this.

I'll be talking to him about this again later.

Sorry, but I work in the cheapest possible place and they wouldn't do this - we'd all have a single room if we were going for that long, particularly. In any case, NOBODY would expect a woman to share a room with a man.

This, in particular Imperial . I have to be fair and say that they're not a couple of twats, but on this one they either haven't thought it through or are being naive. It's not a family holiday. And a quick google has brought up plenty of less glamorous but affordable hotel options.

I have travelled on business a lot and I wouldn't be happy without my own room in this circumstance, I also don't understand how this has come about. Who decided these bizarre sleeping arrangements?

If you trust your husband don't worry, however I would question why he thinks this is a normal way to conduct business travel.

Is he the boss OP? I don't think it's a fair arrangement for the 'juniors'.

Yuck, it feels so sleazy the more you think about it. Attractive younger woman sleeping in the communal areas and a jacuzzi on the roof?

Yes, I normally roll my eyes at jealousy type threads - but seriously, has anyone ever heard of mixed sex sharing on a business trip? Just doesn't happen.

I have travelled on business a lot too and I agree with Pigsmummy that I would have been raging if I had been expected to share a sleeping space with male colleagues.

I think also that many people have the idea that business trips are glamorous. I used to get up, have breakfast, go to set up training rooms, run a full day training course, get back to the hotel, change, have dinner, prepare for the next day (fighting to find an internet connection) and go to bed. Many times the view fro my hotel window meant that I could have been in Mexico, Bosnia, Zambia or Milton Keynes. It is not all it is cracked up to be at times.