What can I do about this one? It's a bit long.

[Stickyfeet]

DH is going away on a work trip next month. Long haul for 10 days. Was initially him and a male colleague, now they've decided to take two juniors, one of whom is female and very beautiful.

They are planning, for the sake of economy, to rent a two-bed apartment. The plan being that him and his colleague take a bedroom each, the juniors take the sofa beds in the living space. However, he's not known for his ability to stand his ground with arrangements like this (simply in the sense that when someone else bagsys the better bed they tend to win), so who knows how it will end up. Great apartment, gym, jacuzzi on the roof.

I'm pissed off. I'm aware that on a spectrum of possessive to couldn't-give-a-shit, I guess I tip over to the possessive side... but really, it's a rare occasion that I feel like this.

My issues are, to begin with, this is not what I signed up for. Until I went into hospital with my first child, we'd never spent a night apart. The trips away began with one weekend conference a year, but now are numerous trips away, including these longer stays. He has control over the trips he goes on, although I accept that professionally there is a benefit, so there it is. I am also grizzly because I never 'get' to do this sort of thing. I annoy myself with this one, because it's not like anyone can stop me, but I miss my babies SOOO much that it outweighs the advantages. So I'm not jealous of him going exactly, but more that he can detach himself enough to do it, iyswim. It limits my own professional development and it means that DH does not have to deal with the apartment sharing, jacuzzi sharing situ in reverse because my life is not so glamorous. Oh yes, and I'm jealous that he's going to spend 10 days having lots of fun with a beautiful woman while I am dishevelled and covered in baby snot.

I could put all this stuff aside if they had a more professional accommodation, a hotel with a separate room/bathroom for the female junior would be fine. It's the two bed apartment which is really fucking me off. But apparently they've looked and this isn't an option due to cost.

WWYD?

And who the hell wants to sleep in a living room on a sofa bed with a colleague for ten days?

What business is your husband in, OP?

I would not be authorising 4 colleagues in a mangement/junior type scenario to share a 1 bed apartment.

Highly unprofessional.

You've gotta feel for the junior colleague. One leaky period whilst sleeping on the sofa bed and that's all professional distant gone...

OP ain't answering anything as pesky as a straight question logg1e

They are treating this business trip like a holiday, aren't they? And your husband is senior and he's doing the same thing.

OK, firstly, it's true that I'm being a bit evasive about more specific questions, because the whole thing is a f*ing stupid idea and I don't want to 'out' either him or me. Sorry if it's frustrating, I'm a regular-ish poster under a new username and don't intend to annoy.

I've had a chance to speak to him properly now, echoing many of your thoughts, and the shared apartment is off. I now have a better idea of the situation too. Honestly, I think (I hope) they might have worked this out themselves eventually. I think (I hope) our conversation may help him to battle it out at work. A colleague has made promises which economically are difficult to keep, so he was trying to find a solution.

Thanks again to everyone who helped me to straighten out my feelings about this. (I think the beautiful female junior would probably be thanking you too if she knew).

How would just answering the simple questions asked of you out you any more than you have already put on here ?

Well, that was quickly resolved, all done in less than 3 hours.

I just can't picture the profession that this situation would even be suggested.

My guess is they are academics at a conference and the 'juniors' have no travel funding.

A colleague has made promises which economically are difficult to keep, so he was trying to find a solution.

See I wondered if a) the company were actually aware of the exact setup or b) the seniors had 'swung it' for the juniors to go along at minimal additional cost.

Maybe both. Either way the company's management is highly, highly slack.

This is the first time I've been on the receiving end of MN annoyance and I can't say I'm enjoying it much.

Actually logg1e you're right, after 3 hours the situation is not entirely resolved. The apartment wasn't booked, but it was DH's idea of a solution. That will no longer be happening but I question how he could have thought it was a good idea in the first place. They don't yet have a solution which is viable professionally and economically, but the fact is that they don't take more staff members than the company can afford to accommodate in an acceptable way. Even if that pisses some people off.

And while I'm glad of the kick up the arse and the reminder that this is actually more about the staff who are going on the trip, where my DH is concerned I do expect him to care whether or not I find the arrangements acceptable, and that in itself didn't seem to make very much difference. But that's part of another, wider issue.

OP, where my DH is concerned I do expect him to care whether or not I find the arrangements acceptable

Well, that could go either way. Your point seemed to be about him travelling with a beautiful colleague. If that's your point, I don't think you should expect your husband to change plans if you find that unacceptable.

If it's frustration that you're always left holding the baby with no give-and-take, then you've got a point. But muddying the water with beautiful colleagues isn't going to help your cause.

The apartment wasn't booked, but it was DH's idea of a solution.

I think it reflects very badly on him.

No, the issue wasn't simply about him travelling with a beautiful colleague, it was about the prospect of him sharing unprofessional accomodation. With a beautiful colleague.

But there was a whole load of other stuff muddying the water too. I may still have the odd wobble about it even now the accomodation is sorted, but that's just mild jealousy based on the fact that I feel neither young nor beautiful at the moment and we never do this kind of trip together any more. But these are my own issues and don't leave me pissed off at him.

And no, it doesn't reflect well on him at all, I really don't know what he was thinking.

Sticky feet, I bet you are beautiful, and sexy too. I bet this is just that difficult phase where a woman has young children. Re the beautiful colleague, I have been that girl before and hate it. I think attractive young women have to ally watch themselves as they get it from many angles when they are doing nothing wrong. Why not see her as on your side? A young female getting by in the world. She is not your enemy. She probably feels a bit weird about being the only woman going. I reaction it may be time to see what elements of your former groomed self you might be able to claw back now, so you feel great and sexy, which you obviously are, and maybe increase your going out and stuff for yourself too? Being a woman first and foremost before anybody's wife or mother xxx

OP, we never do this kind of trip together any more. But these are my own issues

I disagree. I think this is the root of your sad feelings and in my opinion you should use this a spur to discuss with your husband when you get some time together as a couple, visiting new places and spending time together.

That's a great post, s2s

Thanks anyfucker x happy new year!

HNY

Even if this poor woman were as ugly as sin, there is no way this would be ever an acceptable solution.

One colleague, one room.

He could well have just been thinking of a cost-acceptable solution and no more to it than that. I wouldn't forgive him for making the woman sleep on the sofa bed though

Porto, He could well have just been thinking of a cost-acceptable solution and no more to it than that.

Well he should have, because being senior is more than worrying about the bottom line.

I wouldn't forgive him for making the woman sleep on the sofa bed though

It's not a giggle about having to sleep on the inferior bed. It's a case of appropriate levels of privacy, especially when there's a difference in status.

Sorry - for sounding flippant. I stated up thread that this was all kinds of wrong. I was trying to make OP feel better I guess, about the fact that she obviously feels bad in herself. Yes - her DH is being a complete TWUNT about this, but it might not be for the worst reasons.

My dh travels a fair bit. It can be hard when you are trying to make sure the homework is done, bath-time, no other adult in the house for days. Then you get a call to say hi, we are all just heading off for swanky restaurant/walkng tour of Llubliana/ wine tasting etc. If you are feeling down or lonely, it can be hard to feel that your OH is off having fun with a group of people, beautiful or otherwise.