Hedgehog thread 2

[Edenviolet]

I have received so much support in my previous thread and I am really grateful.

I'm continuing to try and sort things out and have started another thread so I can update.

Nothing particularly useful to say right now, just that you have a lot of people rooting for you, and I hope things get easier soon xx

Hello, Hedge :) Thanks for the new thread.

Hello Hedgehog, glad I found you. :)

Please take a look at this if you haven't already Hedgehog:

www.gosh.nhs.uk/parents-and-visitors/coming-to-hospital/directions-map-and-parking/

Click on the link 'Patient Transport Explained' (it's a pdf doc) - you might well be eligible for it. There is a phone number there.

Thankyou, I will try and phone them tomorrow. Dds gosh appt isn't till 21 feb so have a while to sort it out.

Not had a bad day, dh had to meet with the caf lady today as they are having a meeting soon about dcs and what support can be offered. He said it went ok.

Are you going to meet with her as well?

Already have twice but dh hadn't and she needed to see him before the meeting to. Find out his views on the situation and what help he thinks we need.

Hi Hedgehog

Another one rooting for you!

OK, thanks :)

How are you feeling today?

Iam, no migraines today. Dd2 was unwell today but seems a bit better tonight. Quite an un eventful day really which was actually nice.

Iam ok that should have said

Rooting for you here too. You sound stronger. I know you may not feel it but I have read all your threads and you sound strong, determined, clear.

Did the triptans work? I'm so glad if so. Hope you get a refreshing night's sleep ready to tackle the next thing on your list tomorrow

Glad you have another thread.

What is preventing your DH from asking questions, etc., if he takes DD to the doctor?
Is he thick? Is he twelve?
Does he think the appointments don't matter?

It is ridiculous behaviour on his part.

Bhutto

Bhutto

Oh dear, sorry! That was the cat (and autocorrect, presumably, as this cat isn't too clued up on the names of Pakistani prime ministers!)

I thought it was a code word for 'I've got some new shoes'. Or something.

Of course that would have been 'Marcos'

Dh just ' forgets' to ask questions/tell the dr relevant info/symptoms even if I give him a list!

Before dd2 had an op last year he took her to the pre op. didn't ask the questions etc and we ended up having to rebook the appt as we didn't have a clue what we were doing and I went to the second one. He just hadn't asked any questions, said it was because he was keeping an eye on dd and had to keep checking her blood sugar and got distracted. He had even got a taxi there not the train (was in London) so I don't understand why it was such a problem.

Typing that has made me realise I could just get a taxi to gosh and leave dh with other dcs if can't get hosp transport.

Can you contact the doctor directly by email/phone following a consultation so you can discuss things yourself?

Might help you feel a little more in control of the situation and you can pick up any questions DH might have forgot to ask.

Its probably easier if I just take her, I'm going to look into hospital transport and if not will get a taxi there with her and dh can stay at home with other dcs.

I don't think he does it to be difficult he just forgets a lot and has always had issues with dcs being unwell, he doesn't like talking about it almost as if hes feeling guilty that some of their problems have come from him, I know its nobody's fault but he has found it hard to come to terms with. I think that's one of the issues we have.

We haven't spoken much the last couple of days but have not argued either, he has done a bit more to help and was up with dd in the night again when she had a hypo so he is helping. He said the meeting with the caf lady was quite helpful as he was able to get his points across and I think he is pleased about that.

I have some sympathy with "pretend it's not happening" type thinking, as we all do it. But actually failing to take adequate care over a child's hospital appointment - when you have a written list of questions! - takes this to a really dysfunctional level. It's all about him, isn't it? He's nervous/tired/preoccupied, so stuff the child's needs. Stuff your needs. Stuff the specialist's time & effort. He doesn't feel like coping, so he doesn't bother.

I don't think it matters whether this comes from spectacular selfishness, mental malfunction, or some kind of learning difficulty: the fact is he can't be trusted with the children's care; neither can he be relied on to keep you safe. Each time this crops up, you end up having to cover for him Hedge. It makes extra work for you, when you're already stretched beyond the limits of your considerable strength.

I don't want to bang this drum too hard, but it really does look like you'd better off without him. His mum lives nearby, doesn't she? So he'd still be able to take part in family life as a visitor, while you would qualify for further support - it's sad to think that a paid assistant would take better care of you and your children than your husband would, but it's pretty damn likely!

Could this be the way to keep all of you happier & more stable?

Sorry, I meant to congratulate you on realising you can get a taxi! See how it's all falling into place, bit by bit? :)

Back on DH: "He has always had issues with dcs being unwell" - Well, yes. There are husbands who have issues with their DC being a girl. Ones who have issues with their DC being short, or ginger, or not musical. All of them are bang out of order. You don't get to decide your child isn't what you ordered, stuff it on the back shelf and hope it goes away.

Crucially, no child deserves to feel they are unworthy of their parent's love and attention. It's better to remove them from that influence than let them suffer the emotional damage.

Horse - nice joke

I think dh just feels a sense of guilt and tries to ignore the fact they have the problems they do. That said, he was very honest with the caf woman as to what problems we are facing.

I don't know what's going to happen, at the moment its just getting through each day and trying bit by bit to sort out some of the problems.

No more migraines so fingers crossed I don't get any more for a long time, I have my tablets with me all the time in case.

Dh has booked a day off next week as we have a blood test appt, consultant appt, three dcs have physio appt and I have gp appt. he didn't complain about it but I think he appreciates it will all get done in a day rather than appts all on different days.