The Dating Thread 68.

[Bant]

Support for everyone, dating online or in real life.

No judginess, no shoutiness. Nuff said.

After 10pm is past my sociable-texting hours anyway. Close friends and family now only. It's my me-time.

Niceguy has just asked me out for Valentines. Well for dinner on the 14th, even though we still have 2 dates arranged before then. Still can't quite believe something is going so well.

Can I just ask your opinions please. This man I went out with last night text me again when he got home from work then rang me. Seems very keen. I'm just not sure about him and hate leading people on because if I see him a few more times to make my mind up then I don't know how to get out of it.

He seems very friendly wants to take me for a meal, but it's playing on mind that he seems to be over eager to demonstrate how nice he is, does this mean he's hiding that he nasty? I know I sound crazy! Also when I said I was on leave in March he began suggesting things I could do in my week off, which just seemed odd to me. He talks a lot but did say tonight it's because he's nervous. I've forgotten what normal is having spent 4 years in an EA relationship

oneday really pleased things going well for you :)

santa this is what I am wondering too. I feel like the poor guy just can't win.

I guess I'm terrified of another EA relationship the horrible co-dependency That goes with it and the hurt when it ends

It's difficult isn't it lahti

I have a sudden urge to buy a pretty dress

stranger yeah, I don't know really.

I know a fair number of men. Some are my friends and they are not interested in me, too old for me or married. I know others who are not friends, just acquiantances/people I know and I don't get any sort of sense that any of them even notice me, let alone fancy me/are interested in me. In fact, I feel quite safe around them all because it's never even occurred to me that any of them might. I don't think I send out any self-defensiveness vibes to them.

I guess that's what we were saying with thinking people are too nice/too good for us - they must be too needy because they are showing that they are interested in us, rather than treating us like sh#t.

I don't think people who seem interested in me are 'needy' I don't think. I just assume someone who is a good and decent man will lose interest in the complete fuck up that I am once they got to know me and so wouldn't bother with them. I feel like I know something they don't and I'd save us both the bother. I wouldn't really believe they were interested.

I don't know. I'm not really explaining myself very well. It's like in Carrie when the popular girl's boyfriend invites her to the prom as a joke, but I wouldn't have believed that he liked me anyway. So he wouldn't have had chance to humiliate me.

There is a very attractive man who does one of my hobbies. I've caught him looking at me a few times. Now I don't think for a second it's because he thinks I'm nice..! I don't know why it is. Perhaps he thinks I'm a big un co-ordinated lummox or wonders why I have the nerve to leave the house looking as I do. But I actively avoid him so I will never know him any better than I do, which is not at all. And that's what I do with good and decent men who show any indication that they have noticed me, in whatever capacity.

I let the abusers in and keep the nice men out. It's not a case of the nice men backing off and the abusers keep on pushing. That's the reality of it.

Aw, OneDay it sounds like it's all going really nicely.

Folk this is going to sound odd, a little bit inappropriate, but I'm a little bit excited for you... Your last post is full of assumptions for a good therapist to latch on to and I think if you go with that this is going to be a really worthwhile exercise for you.

hey oneday and jarlin
I certainly do like my old acquaintance, but Im a slow burner. My friend is his friend too and she is over desparate to get us together. He is so over awed by me she tells me, and I shouldn't hold back. He sends me very sweet texts and is so nice. Why am I now thinking I am jumping in too fast? WTF

I keep telling myself that he is just what I have been looking for and stop being so silly

I need a good kick, but I don't like the pressure HELP!

Really stranger?!

Thank you.

I hope so. I really don't want to feel like I do now for the next 40+ years. It's such hard work and so sad.

Not updated for a while but been reading what everyone's been up to, all sounds very exciting :) My weekend was... interesting. Saw Mr MM while I was out on Saturday and ended up back at his, all was going very well until we were falling asleep, at which point his ex rang in tears, and he went round there to make sure she was ok Definitely feeling like a consolation prize instead of THE prize. Should have left his number deleted and ignored him when he called me when I had the chance!

Think it would be ok if I had someone else interesting to talk to, but I'm still in no-mans-land! Sent a few messages out on POF, had one reply off a guy tonight who went offline soon after, but still feeling like I'm talking to myself. Would chop off my leg for an actual date with someone Things are currently pretty glum in the Crow house lol

Bloody Hell Crow, I hope you won't be seeing Mr MM again. What an arse! That's just spectacularly bad manners at the very least.

Crow wow that is really pants, sorry! Not a very mixed message at all, but not the one you were hoping for I'm sure. I hope he at least showed you a good time before he revealed his true colours! Delete & block?

Have you tried any other sites?

Lizzie Okay.....kick!! Allow yourself to enjoy having some fun with someone you like and who likes you.... ignore your friend, if she's being too annoying with it then even tell her that she's not being helpful and in fact having the opposite intended effect. And then take the pressure off yourself as well.

I have been doing some early-morning online window shopping for a dress for V-day. I wear dresses a lot (only have 1 pair of jeans tbh! my work clothes are all boring/functional) but my usual style is quirky/pretty/cute - I'm short and curvy (5ft1.5, 10-12, 32F) so do can cute quite well. I want to find something a bit more glam.

Well I have given Mr "perhaps we can meet up" a chance, I have a coffee date with him on sunday.

However I may have made a mistake, things were going ok till this morning; texting back and forth etc.
It's a long story but I had to walk to work today and it was raining so i texted- that's me off to work; hope I don't get too wet!
Reply - ooooh, I've just had a naughty thought! Are you wet already?

I mean really?? Do all men eventually turn the conversation to sex? Or is it just me being a prude??

It's a long time till sunday, I may cancel lol

Yuk...I would fund that a turn-off cynical, any guy who talks like that when you haven't even met is (in my books) sleazy and to be avoided.

No, not all of them, Cynical.

I agree with Hansel.

But then, I was a little suspicious of his first contact anyway.

It's one thing if a conversation has veered in the direction of a bit of cheekiness, but that question was just a bit vulgar in the context.

OneDay Yes it was amazing up until that point, makes it even worse though! I tried OKC but only got 6 matches in my radius, Guardian Soulmates and there was no-one within 15 miles of me :/ Don't know if it's because I live in a fairly small town though or I'm just being too picky and dismissing the people who live close by.

I am the same as you with regards to dresses, I threw all my jeans away and only wear pretty skater dresses with leggings, they're so comfortable too! I already know what I'm wearing for Valentines Day, lace and leather dress that Ifeel really good in

Jarlin He text me on Sunday to say he was sorry, she's just a stupid ex who was being a dick, and that we're still ok.

Do you think you're still ok though, Crow?

I'm not sure how happy I'd feel if that happened. If she's just a stupid ex who was being a dick, then perhaps he shouldn't just drop what he's doing (particularly if it's a date!) and go running everytime she phones him crying.

Exactly Folk, if there was a bit of banter already established it might appear ok if not necessarily welcome, but as is, he's showing you his style (or lack of it!)

OneDay You sound similar to me size/shape wise (I'm 5'3 though). I can pull off 'cute' quite well, too.

I'm finding little skater dresses, leggings/thick black tights and ballet pumps or DMs is working pretty well for me...

Hello all!

My first time on this thread. Dipping my toes back in the POF waters after a break of about 6 months.

What do you all think about this guy?

Around my height and age. Just moved to the country from another country in the UK. Appears to be arranging dates with lots of women as he got details of our conversation mixed up with another woman he was talking to. Anyway when I pointed this out by text message, he got a little bit defensive, saying that well I hadn't even showed photos,that I was secretive about my work too. I forgave him this little episode. We've now arranged to meet on Friday and that suits me ok. I think he'll be too short but I'm fine with just trying to be friends and seeing if anything happens. Then last night he texted saying can I ring you? I texted back saying

now, yes.

(And then another text saying)

Later, no. :-)

I was actually getting some work done & was tired and wasn't in the mood for talking on the phone as you don't even know who you're speaking to til you've met! Anyway, I waited for his call like a dimwit. No call came. Again, I had mentally crossed him off my list as I have NO time or energy for game players. Then this morning a text came saying that he only got the 2nd text as reception is bad where he is. He said 'til tomorrow' (I'm translating from the other language we communicate in.)

So he thinks we're going to have another botched attempt to talk on the phone tonight?!

Am I really, really impatient?!?!

Or intolerant?!?

I fear that he's a bit of a 'smooth charmer' type (please read 'liar' lol)

Before when I was on POF my self-worth was ZERO. Now, I have built this up. I know a lot of guys read that I have children and decide that means they can treat me like shite but I am making good use of the 'blocking' function this time around haha!

Please advise as to what I should do with this guy!

:-D

I think I'd probably want to have a chat about that crow. He has to realise that he can't always be there to support his ex.

Folk it sounds as if the counselling is helping you to explore some underlying issues. I really hope everything works out well for you.

Lies thanks for thinking of me - it went ok with geeky last night I think. I worked out that on some level he is attracted to women who are extremely dramatic and who have little strops (me!). I am a slightly calmer/saner version of his exes. I am perfect for him, because I challenge him, but won't go too far. I told him this and he said that I have sussed him out. Basically he likes the kind of behaviour most men would run a mile from. Which is great - I've found someone who suits me perfectly! He said the kids aren't an issue for him. And when I have to work on the other side of the country for 4 days in June, he's driving me and staying with me.