The Dating Thread 68.

[Bant]

Support for everyone, dating online or in real life.

No judginess, no shoutiness. Nuff said.

dont Personally, I wouldn't read too much negative into that comment. The man I'm seeing said at the weekend that he wished we'd met 20 years ago.

He's never been married and he doesn't have children but he said that I'm just the sort of person he would have wanted to marry and have children with.

He hasn't met my children yet, but I certainly didn't take it as him wanting to wipe out the last 20 years of my life and my children. Just expressing a wish for himself and his own life, and paying me a compliment.

Perhaps you and geeky have just had a bit of a reality bites experience and the 'fairy tale' came to a bit of a screeching halt. That's fine. How it progresses now will very much be determined by what happens and what is said when you talk.

Good luck. x

stranger only because I want to enjoy all the niceness without worrying about getting my heart broken. All my angst last week was because I think I was starting to fall for him and it plays havoc with my head! I nearly ended it with him because it all got a little bit too serious (he indirectly referred to me as his girlfriend)

Oh and because of all the "I've never been loved" stuff (blah blah parents didn't, son's father didn't, exH didn't - none of the significant people in my life have ever actually loved me). So it'd be a bit silly of me to fall for someone else.

Oh Folk he sounds lovely. I hope in time maybe you can let yourself fall for him, but for now you're right to take it at your pace. And what a lovely thing he said to you.

Thanks all for the wise words. I need them. The problem is, I'm so very compatible with geeky and there is a huge, huge attraction for both of us. So I have no perspective/control/ability to view things objectively.

Alittlestranger the comment about telling him I used to be fat made me laugh!

Will update after tomorrow - hopefully we'll get somewhere.

Sorry, just jumping in here - dont I took his comment to be that he wished he had spent more of his life with you, not that he could wipe out your past. And I'm someone who always thinks the worst possible!

Think you need to give it a chance; all relationships hit snags and difficulties, what makes you stronger is how you deal with them. From what you've said so far it's been a bit fairytaleish, this is a bump in the road and not the end of the road.

Hope you work it out.

Thanks mumtoh I hope so. Despite any irritations, I really do want it to work and I think he's amazing. He's not perfect, but neither am I. Fingers crossed. And I, genuinely, have never felt the same way about anyone before, although I can't speak for him!

My dc come first, always and if I had to let him go, I would. Hopefully he'll adapt and it won't come to that.

Santa so where's our loo update then?

All this talk of ''wish we'd met 15 years ago'' makes me smile a little wryly - I was in a serious long term relationship from the ages of 19 to 25 - at the beginning we used to say the opposite, we wished we'd met each other in 10 years time, because it was all so intense and serious. And that relationship didn't work out, because we were so young, really, and grew up in different directions. There is no perfect time to meet someone.

Niceguy has our next 2 dates planned again. Dinner on Thursday, and he's bought tickets for something again next Saturday. It's a really weird, lovely feeling, not questioning whether he's ''that into'' me or not.

Why is it when I meet a new man, do I think 'Oh hes too nice for me '? What downfalls are there in 'being too nice', and does anyone here recognise themselves doing this?

Is it because everyone likes a bad boy?

Hi All sorry no loo update as my phone is rubbish and can't get on here.
Have just got in, seems nice enough talked a lot though. Hard to tell on the first date. Has asked me to go out for a meal next week, so will go and see what happens. No great sparks there but he wasn't unattractive

Lizzie I used to do that all the time. 'Oh but he's just too nice'. But then I think about all the great-but-had-that-badboy-edge guys that I started relationships with that then dumped me out of the blue/went back to their ex-girlfriend/'weren't ready for a serious relationship' (that one was a long-distance, open relationship!!! really not that serious!!!)/or otherwise basically messed me around - and now I think, why would I not deserve someone who is not only attractive and fun but also a really really good guy who likes me just the way I am, and does not have one eye on the door the whole time. I think the badboy thing was a self-preservation mechanism - if you're subconsciously aware from the start that it's probably going to spectacularly implode, then there's no danger of really getting hurt in the long term....it's actually a whole bunch scarier embarking on a new relationship that you really think may work out....IMHO anyway!

Santa so one for the possibles basket, but keeping fishing? Sounds like a pleasant enough evening

Yes oneday I think you are right. maybe its the thought of embarking on a new relationship that it scary, so when the badboy lets us down, we can justify it.

Sorry if I'm butting in on a conversation but I'm wondering how other people handle this:

A guy on POF has messaged me; apparently we spoke briefly before (I've been on POF since September) but I'm assuming we must have just exchanged a couple of messages at most becuase I have no recollection on the exchange!

Anyway he asked how I'm getting on etc, etc.
I reply not very well because that's the truth!
He replies oh same here: I've met a few women but nothing clicked and then in his next message says "possibly we can meet?..."

Am I over-thinking things beacuse that I feel like I'm Plan B.......or even Plan C!!

hi jarlin I've had my fair share of guys I suppose. Ive just got rid of a guy who was separated, but wasn't moving on with his life and generally fobbing me off. But met up with an old acquaintance at a party and he is smitten with me. But instead of thinking Yay! Im thinking that he is too nice! WTF! I know I deserve someone nice, but I guess Im looking for, I don't know, a challenge??

Sayng that, I am going to give him a chance. I must as men like him don't come along that often

Cynical I had a couple of messages on Match from guys I had supposedly spoken to before. I hadn't. They just chance it sometimes and hope they'll hit on someone who says they haven't had much luck...

"possibly can we meet" means for a shag and nothing else.

Thanks FolkGirl
TBH it wouldn't be a very good start to anything anyway with me feeling like second best.

Good tip that about the men chancing their luck by saying they have messaged previously; not been aware of that before.

Urgh! Men!!

Why does "Possibly we can meet" mean just for a shag? I'm confused. I never got offended by people asking how dating was going - it takes most people a while and a few dates to find the right person, doesn't mean you're second best. Less C, more O CynicalOptimist! Men are generally nice people, as are women, and almost everyone I met online dating was a pleasant, decent man, just not for me.

Ha ha, you could be right OWW!

It's hard not to be cynical though as I seem to be the online version of fly paper for weirdos!
It can't hurt to exchange a few more messages and see what happens.......or not!

I'm with OWW on this one Cynical....we are rarely the first person someone has been in contact with when online dating. This doesn't make us second best. It is a numbers game. I went on dates with eight men and chatted to many more before I met and chatted with Mrtwohours. He is definitely not second best. Got to kiss a few frogs before you meet your Prince!!!

Been absent for a while and playing catch up...so forgive the lack of personals to all...

Just a quick one for you don't...ride those bumps girl, get them out of the way now. I have a good feeling for you and Geeky and hope you have a good time and a good chat tonight!!

Jarlin is date with Slowburner on the 13th anything do do with Valentines? Just being nosy. The fact that he was thinking about you at work asking you to run away to a desert island is quite sweet I think.

Lizzie are you similarly smitten with old acquaintance?

Cynical Not interrupting at all and yes, ugh men, agree completely! I really found the wanker:normal person ratio far to high on POF.

So I need some help wording a text - Mr Camera has got back in touch after disappearing on me - to refresh memories we had one lovely date, he asked me for a 2nd but was going away for the weekend, we texted a bit all the following week, and I haven't heard from him for over 10 days since before he went away. I met Niceguy the day after that first date, and obviously, things have progressed at lightening speed there and I am no longer interested in 2nd date with Mr Camera - probably wouldn't have been anyway seeing as his ''weekend away'' lasted so long (aparently he was recovering?!?)! Anyway, he hasn't texted actually asking for another date - just a hi how are you type text. Should I:
(a) ignore
(b) reply saying fine thanks
(c) reply saying I am seeing someone else which is going very well so I am no longer interested in arranging this second date (which, he hasn't actually asked me for in his message).

Yes, OWW could be completely right!

I suppose I just think a message that was intended to make me think we'd chatted before when I didn't recall it followed by a quick "shall we meet up" did indicate that.

As far as asking how the dating was going, I asked people that all the time, it's a good ice breaker, but it wasn't my initial contact.

Afternoon All

My date from last night has text twice which is good. I'm not sure about him though, he could be a really nice guy who was trying too hard or he could be an arsehole who was trying to disguise the fact. God I've become so cynical, I never use to think this way about people but that's what 4 years with an emotionally abusive partner does to your mind I suppose

Anyway second date on Monday with him so we will see. I also have a date on Friday with someone else

It's possible that 'Possibly we can meet?' is a bloke asking for a shag, but it's more likely that he fancied you, and wanted to meet you.

If you view every man you exchange messages with with suspicion, then you're not going to see the nice ones. I've asked women something along the same lines and haven't been propositioning a quickie -I've been asking if they'd like to meet.

I have a date next week, I think. Possibly. Depending on babysitter availability. We'll see.