The Dating Thread 68.

[Bant]

Support for everyone, dating online or in real life.

No judginess, no shoutiness. Nuff said.

dont Have a wonderful time in Paris I am green with envy really excited for you. Update on return is mandatory.

Keeping - stay on there too and keep your options open (whats good for the gander and all that). Start swerving and questions and just say Im back on there too. Sleeping with someone after a few dates to me is the norm really. We all want to know whether there's a pencil down there or not

Oh sorry everyone. I pop on here now and again etc. Ive been seeing someone from POF for the last few weeks. He's declaring undying love almost, yeah right lol.... I categorically stated that I will get of POF when IM ready not when he tells me etc. Yeah I like him and all's going well but you never know. Stay strong you lot and keep them options open until he's practically begging you to get off there and even sits you down and shows you himself!

Waiting to meet Mr Registrar. Although he had messed up suggesting a confusing place to meet and can't find it so have texted where i am, he'd better find me.

OneDay - why did you go with a place he suggested? Make them come to you. Its only right that YOU should be comfortable somewhere and they go to where YOU suggest.

I always say, hope you don't mind but I'd rather you come to my neck of the woods in the first instance etc. If they aren't willing to do that then I don't go on the date. My advice is let them quest you! Text only if they text you first, then let them make the last text and leave it, then let them text you again first. It works!

Should be a place that suits both of you

Good luck OneDay.

Disagree, it should be a place that the woman feels comfortable with.

I disagree. It should be somewhere both of you feel comfortable with. If I feel like someone is trying to put me on the back foot then I go off them very quickly

its got nothing to do with being put on the back foot. It's to do with the guy wanting the girl to feel comfortable. If they aren't willing to do that then Im not in it at all.

All things are equal surely? What's wrong with somewhere you both feel comfortable? Neutral territory and all that.

Its the gentlemanly thing to do.... Im only impressed by a guy that is willing to do so.

Do you also think he should pay for the date?

My first dates were always daytime coffee dates. I did have that I would prefer that on my profile. When making the dates I always asked that it be local to me. Only a couple of times did I agree to meet half way, that was due to distance. I found that all my dates were completely understanding about my feelings. I think, if you explain to a prospective date why you would prefer to stay local to the woman, most men do understand. The couple of times I went out of my area I chose to go by taxi and always made sure I had people who knew where I was. It's all about about feeling comfortable, but using common sense I feel.

Mr Registrar obviously suggested the venue and OhWestern is lost? I have never and will never go out of my comfort zone for a first date. I have a son and want to be near home, if the other party doesn't understand that then its a no go.

I'm for neutral territory too. As generally it's the norm for the man who does the asking out to also suggest a place, I'll suggest somewhere that's convenient for the woman, but I don't tend to date women a long distance away as it wouldn't work out so somewhere equally convenient for both, that I know is nice, and if she doesn't want to go there I'll suggest somewhere else or let her choose.

TalisaMaegyr I always offered to pay or go Dutch, not one single date let me pay. Offer, if your date refuses accept with thanks was my solution. Second and subsequent dates, payment can be arranged in advance.

So you date locally anyway then Bant, that's fine if you both know the area, if not then the guy needs to make the effort and go to near where the girl lives.

Im rather brutal these days. I know within 5 seconds if I fancy him.

What I do is (if I don't fancy him), he buys the first drink, I do payback and get the next then say Im sorry but there's no chemistry here so I leave after that.

If however, I do like him and he suggests dinner, then he pays. But subsequent drinks I do the same back.

I always offer to pay after he usually buys the first one so then I get him one, some say no some are happy with it.

By the way everyone I've deleted my POF account which can only mean one thing.....I'm smitten and think he feels the same

I know within a few seconds if I fancy someone or not, but sometimes if the conversation is interesting I'll ask if they'd like to have dinner. I'd rather spend more time with someone interesting that I don't fancy than someone dull or rude who's attractive, as that puts me off them quickly.

I've tried to stop doing that though as I think they get the impression I want to see them again when I know I don't .

Then you only have to try to get out of it? whats the point? It has to be both huh.

I agree with Bant and Tinks. I always knew within seconds if I fancied them. If I did then I could relax and allow the date to run it's course, as long as either myself or my date wished, or due to prior commitments it had to end. If it was a no-go from my perspective, I would drink my coffee as quickly as possible, explain I had to get back hence it only being a coffee date, and text as soon as I got back home, saying "sorry, I felt no spark, but I wished them good luck". If I did fancy my date, I would wait for 24 hours, if I had not heard from them I would text saying I had really enjoyed the date and hoping to hear from them soon. I usually did, one way or another. If I was not fanciable I would go and sulk.

To go on a second date? Yep, they've got to be attractive and interesting. If I buy a meal or more drinks I may get interesting conversation out of it but there's nothing to 'get out of' if I haven't asked them out again.

I may send the 'thanks for a nice evening, but no spark' message afterwards but otherwise I just don't follow up with a second date offer. Opinion on here has been divided as to whether the 'no spark' message should be sent apropos of nothing. It could be offensive if they hadn't fancied me anyway.

Some women I dates have turned out to be mates when there was no spark but they were interesting and funny, that's worth the price of a meal. Others, not so much.

Hormonal Mr OMG deleted his profile a little while ago. While on our date yesterday, I agreed to delete mine. I haven't as I forgot, so, thank you for reminding me.