The Dating Thread 68.

[Bant]

Support for everyone, dating online or in real life.

No judginess, no shoutiness. Nuff said.

I lurk on this thread every now and again. I dipped my toe in the water of OLD last year with eharmony and it was disappointing. So many 'matches' with no photo, and so many whose account seemed to have expired but were still showing up. Only chatted to a couple of guys, no dates or even hints of dates. I wondered if I was being a bit picky but I have decided I deserve to be picky, I don't want to just settle for someone. Problem is, lots of guys my age (48) look like they've let themselves go. I want someone I can be attracted to physically as well as mentally. I know there are hot guys my age out there (there's one at work but he's sadly attached) but they don't seem to come my way. Anyway, am planning to go on okcupid and pof but thinking of not putting a photo up; mainly because I don't want random people I may know in passing to see me on there. No problem with sending a photo to guys I'm interested in, or am I being paranoid?

Also thought about match or match affinity - any views on those? Ooh and maybe guardian soul mates?

Re: E-Harmony - you must be divorced to be allowed the privilege of seeing the dreary selection of dullards that they match you with. I've heard that the site founders are deeply religious and this requirement stems from their beliefs.

Having been rejected by the site on the grounds of only being separated I deleted all cookies (otherwise the site knows you're a 'reject') and redid the tedious questionnaire but lied and said I was divorced.

It's the only site where I had no dates. The selection of men offered to me couldn't have been less compatible with what I was looking for.

Hey Folkgirl, sounds like things are going well I think the only thing to care about really is whether you are happy with how things are going....sounds like you are?

Softkitty I'd also wait for him to contact you. Remember....you are the prize!

I have warned Mr Registrar that I'm poorly and will see tomorrow how I'm feeling. Am feeling less grumpy with Mr Camera!s !!!ing, the date we had was good fun, he wanted to see me again, I'm still waiting for that second date invite but he's away for a long weekend this weekend, so will continue the texting (being suitably sarcastic about unneccessary !s) until he works out if he's going to ask me or not.

I am fighting the inner-crazy about Mr Niceguy though. I messaged this afternoon about where to go for dinner on Friday. No reply yet. Damn him giving me wibbly tummy thinking about it. Managing to convince myself he's having second thoughts about Friday. Hmmph.

Yay he replied

Oh it is hilarious I have a fit and I mean fit young man wanting to be my toy boy, really why?I ask him, I literally could be his mum crazy online dating and only day 1 on OKCupid. Well good entertainment value anyway

FolkGirl whateverheis sounds very much like Mr OMG. Taking things very slowly, yet lots of compliments and things designed to make you feel good. He sounds lovely, and if I have learned anything about online dating it's remembering I am the prize, but the man also has feelings and thoughts, and they need to be listened to. I know going very slowly can be terribly frustrating, but I can't help but feel in my case with OMG it has been the absolutely right thing to do. Yes, I would love to have been able to see him more but circumstances were against us, and with hindsight I don't think that has been a bad thing. I can say this after today's date, I may not have done yesterday as I did have issues which I laid out in my very first post on MN.

Jarlin Mr OMG really is showing himself to be OMG! However, I am too long in the tooth and jaded to just accept this might be it. Yes, we are looking much better now and I feel more secure, but even so, I still plan to take it text by text, call by call and date by date. I know if I were to tip just a little bit more, I would give him the ability to hurt me badly. While I don't think he would, I don't know him well enough to be certain, so am still protecting myself.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Don't you just hate the uncertainty of dating, and love the butterfly's when you get that text?

I've found a downloadable version of 'He's just not that into you' here and have started reading it. I'm very impressed so far and am already starting to see things differently. I am not going to contact Mr Coffee Shop. He knows where I am if he wants me, and if he doesn't, I'll find someone who will.

That version is free to download btw.

Hello folk was thinking about you the other day and hoping you would update your man sounds lush! Really lovely, I think he is falling for you

Things are moving fairly slowly with me and smallfeet as well, we only see each other about one evening a week and due to my dd he normally has to come here. I am thinking that prob mid feb I will think seriously about him meeting dd so we can at least spend a bit more time together at the weekends. Am not sure how dd will react though as I have never introduced a boyfriend to her before!!

Have a lovely time in Paris Dont

Yup enjoy Paris dont!

deliberately i do love the butterflies but not the inner-crazy they induce!

Oneday Inner crazy sums it up perfectly. I am so pleased that (for now) I know think I will just have the butterfly's.

Mr OMG and I have been texting this evening, as with the end of our date today, all is going perfectly. waits for it to go tits up

No, it certainly doesn't get any easier Jarlin. I'm 41 and it's harder now than when I was a shy, unconfident teenager.

So, Mr Coffee Shop text me 15 minutes ago. He put 'Hi, how's your day been? x'. I'm keeping him waiting while I think of a suitable response that keeps me in control and in position of the string.

I just replied a few minutes ago. I said my day was good thanks, had a great night (went for a quick drink after work so it was hardly hell-raising but I didn't specify where I'd been or who with) and hope he's ok. He hasn't responded as yet. Leaving the ball in his court now - I am the prize, he needs to win me.

Paris is tomorrow! Wish me luck.

Have a fabulous time Don't Will be popping back for your update

Thanks 49 - I am so looking forward to it. He is perfect.

Hi all

Just wondering if I could ask for some advice.
Ive been seeing a chap for the last 2 weeks, 4, 4/6 hour dates. We had sex the last time we saw each other.
We have a 5th date planned this weekend. I thought things were going well and that he was very interested, there has been lots of hand holding, door opening and general affection ( non sexual ) from him.
However, i checked the dating site and was very surprised to see him logged in. Ive checked a few times since ( without logging in myself) and hes logging in a few times a day.

I know 4 dates is far too early to talk about being exclusive but i cant help feeling a bit hurt that hes clearly still keeping his options open.

Friends advice has varied from him not being interested ( despite daily contact) or him playing the field, to me coming out and asking, to me not saying anything. Was wondering what the dating thread might think?

Don't....exciting...enjoy Paris. Hope it's romantic and fun :0)

Keeping....I have a similar dilemma. Number 4 and I have had the exclusive conversation. I've deleted my profile but he hasn't. He's checked it this week I noticed. He claims he's not actively seeking anyone else and that he chats to a girl who is seriously ill and feels he likes to check on her! I want to believe him but cynical ole me, doesn't trust anyone!! I made it clear I wasn't interested in multiple daters. He said the same. Confused.com

If we had had that conversation, then id dump if he was still online. No excuse, i think. Its just lying to you.

We havent had any conversation with regards to that, and i think its too early to. Im also loathe to bring it up myself as i wont want to look like a harpy.

I was kind of thinking let it get to a month ( should that even happen) see what happens and then if nothing has changed ill have to bring it up then.

Hes text me a bit today, we talked on the phone last night. Weekend date is confirmed.

Its just a hard call.

Keeping - you checked the dating site as well though right?

Maybe, playing devils advocate, he is just in the habit of logging in. To me he sounds keen and if your instincts are saying he is a genuine nice bloke I wouldn't assume he is still actively looking for anyone else.