The Dating Thread 68.

[Bant]

Support for everyone, dating online or in real life.

No judginess, no shoutiness. Nuff said.

Lies and Crow, thanks for your kindness and comments.

Well, I just noticed that he emailed me on GSM 20 min ago, asking what I was still doing up at 4am, that he's just woken up now, that he had dreamt of me last night and that he wishes he was with me now. Then some general stuff about where he went with friends last night and what their plans are for today.
Hmmmm, what the hell do I say back?
Do I tell him I could SEE he was online??

Crow how about you send him a message, meant for someone else in error , if he reads it you'll know and if it stays on one tick then you'll have more of an idea if he has blocked you.

Might just be busy on a Friday night and if it turns out that he has then like you said to tiger he's a cruel bastard and not worth your time anyway. Sending you ((Big hugs)) and unmumsnetty xxxxxx too!!!

Tiger...No, don't tell him you could see he was online. May be that he clicked on to read a message and stayed logged on, on his phone. FWIW, Mrtwohours, had been online and I know for an absolute certainty he wasn't dating or chatting to anyone else. I checked my messages, don't really know why, before I deleted my account so that would have shown I was online too and absolutely not chatting to anyone else. You have a connection, trust it. Smiling for you now.

Reply whatever feels right but keep it light, chatty and confident!

Hmm, i can see he's still online now, 50 min after emailing me...

Lies, but in the early hours of the morning, when I first logged on, he wasn't online (but showing up as having been on in the last few hours), then 10 min later he showed up as online. Doesn't make sense...
Fuckit, I'm going to say I just mailed him then to see if he wanted to chat as I thought it said he was online too, and see what he says...

Tiger - remember...can be running in the background on his phone or computer. Showing online doesn't mean he IS online. Get into a conversation with him online, then at least you'll know.

I think you need to have a chat with him about where you are. You said you felt that connection and either he's feeling it or he's not. One way or another you need to know so that you can enjoy it or move on. Feels like quoting The Rules has been frowned upon a bit lately but you are the Prize and bloody worth it!!!

Cross posted a bit there!! Trust that gut Tiger

Good response...

Thanks Lies. I've now emailed him back - keeping it as light as possible - so lets see what he says...

If you ask him and he says he wasn't online don't assume he's not telling the truth, obviously I recently learned that these online statuses are a bit off with their accuracy. He still seems very keen on you :)

With regards to Comic Book Guy I'm just going to give it a day or two, he works in a bar so was probably working and no point getting in a frazzle. If he's blocked me then his loss ;)

Not too sure about pof so far, seems to be all 'ppl hu spell lyk dis' and ones who's interest list consists of the gym and nights out. Where's all the geeky intellectual types?!

I think that sometimes a little bit of knowledge can be a bad thing. OD allows you to monitor someone's activities in a way that you just can't if you've met someone in real life. Chances are the nice guy you snogged at a party and arranged a date with is chatting up a random in a bar the next night. But you'd never know about it... But then I'm quite blase about multi-dating in the early days, I just don't get why some people feel the need to claim otherwise. But I suppose if you're asked it's natural(?) to lie.

TheCrow you need to get on GSM for the geeky intellectual types. I know some people think it's full of knobs, but I either have a very high freshhold or am one myself as I just thought it was full of people like me and my friends.

Tiger Good on you. As Lies said 'you are the prize'.

stranger I am in favour of multi dating in the early days too.

I was completely up front about it, some didn't like that, so it was goodbye

What's GSM? I think I've heard every site described as being full of knobs but all it takes is one nice guy and it'll make wading through the knobs (so to speak!!) worth it

Morning all,

Stranger what is GSM??

I am facing a drought...except for 2 men both of whom I have responded to initial messages with thank you but from your profile I do not feel there is enough to continue any further. One is now messaging me from 2 different OD sites

I think GSM is guardian soul mates but am not sure.

TheCrow - GSM is the Guardian Soulmates site.
I'm on that one. As ALittleStranger said, it's full of the intellectual types - packed to the rafters with them!
EVERYONE works in 'media' or 'the Arts', and love or loathe it, I've found that all of them are NOT the types to write in text speak, LOL, etc

Thanks for all the advice everyone.
Stranger - you're right, perhaps having access to so much OD is bad. I was actually just speaking to my dad about this and we agreed that way back before there was any OD, there's no way anyone could have known what the person you met in a bar might get up to, as you said.

I've had a response back, saying he arrived home quite drunk with his friends at 3-4am which is when I emailed him, and doesn't think he was actively online, but that his Blackberry shows that he is, if that makes sense?

Anyway, he sent a lovely long email telling me what he and his friends are up to later, that's he's pleased I've been thinking of him, and asking to meet up tomorrow as soon as his friends have left.
Can't ask for more than that I guess.
Will keep you posted, but am feeling much better than I did earlier. :)

Yay Tiger - glad you're feeling better!

tiger just goes to show the OD can be very paranoid making, it helps feed insecurities within us, it takes a lot of willpower and confidence to not read things into everything when there is so much 'information' there in front of us....I'm not on Tinder / Whatsapp and I from reading on here I'm glad I'm not...glad he's been in touch but look what a state you were in..not good for your self-esteem at all, don't give him so much power over you.
I've taken people off 'favourites' before if they've stopped corresponding and I liked them as it was too tempting to check when they were last online...arrrgh, the whole OD thing can be so bad for us if we don't take a reality check now and then to see some sense!

Hansel - wise words indeed!
You're totally right. OD has knocked my confidence over the past few months so much, but probably because I've let it, if that makes any sense?
I think it's fuelled the massive insecurities I had already, but also made me paranoid and suspicious in a way I wasn't before (from reading about other people's experiences its made me very wary and mistrusting now).
Not quite sure what my insecurities are based on - I'm prob my own worst enemy in being critical of my looks, personality, everything. Went out with a male friend last night (whom I've only known a few months) and was asking for a male perspective, and he said 'Tigerbear, you're lovely, you're beautiful, just get out there and have some fun. Have some self belief!' Such a sweet thing of him to say.

I just need to start believing in myself more.

Have a good day all, sorry for the thread hijack and for being so needy today!

Tiger what you have to remember is that no one posts on Relationships to say they met someone nice and straightforward but a non-starter, so it's very easy to get a completely warped picture of how brutal OD is. I refuse to believe I'm the only one who didn't get a single penis picture or metaphorical knobber.

Thanks for the heads up on GSM....looks much more promising

Stranger good advice.......I am treating it all as an experiment that is rather entertaining and using dates as practise, as I have been "out of the game" for a while and hope that if I find someone who I could see more than a practise date that I do the same for them too.

Kscience, I think the practice bit is exactly why I think it's good. Post a long relationship or when you're past the house party stage and all your friends are coupled up, it's easy to get out of the habit or just not have the opportunity of flirting, being interesting, being funny etc. Without going all Oprah Winfrey, I felt OD helped me gain a lot as a person. I'll do it again if the current MrStranger starts slacking off.

Tiger has he responded to your email yet? Maybe he was just browsing last night or maybe he's multi dating. Have you had the exclusivity talk yet?

I have a second date with Mr Coffee Shop tonight. He suggested either wine and food at his house or a bar about halfway between our houses. It's waaaaay too soon to be going to his house so I replied that drinks in the bar would be fine . I doubt I'd be able to control myself on my own with him in his house .

tiger Sounds like I'll fit right in, I work in a betting shop! Will sign up tonight when I'm on the laptop, it sounds good anyway, hopefully will find people more suited to my interests.

Have to agrer with what people are saying about OD, this is the first time I've used it, normally very laid back but can see how easy it would be to let the inner crazy lady out! Also think it's too easy for people to be rude and mean without considering that they might actually be hurting someone's feelings or destroying their confidence.