Where has h's wages gone??

[Longdistance]

There's a huge back story to my h, and the way he treats me, but I'll be as short as I can.

We started off with seperate bank accounts when we moved in together, and got married. This seemed fine at the time, as I earned only slightly less than h, and paid bills equally, though I paid for my car finance. In total we used to take home just over 5k month between us.

Our mortgage is small, due to me selling my house when the prices rocketed in 2007. So it's not a big thing in our budget.

Cue 2009 when dd1 was born, and I was on smp, so not taking home loads, then had dd2 in 2011. Still seperate accounts, and had to ask him to take over paying for some things.

During dd2's pg, h was offered an opportunity to work in Oz. I really didn't want to go. I have my family, and friends here. Basically, all my support network. I had my lovely job, that I had been doing for about 14 years and a vision of retiring with the company, I was that happy there.

Cue, to much blackmailing about Oz being better for the dc, we'd be better off, nicer lifestyle. Me saying, no I'm happy in the Uk. He laid on lots of pressure, and bullied me til I agreed to move

So, we lived there for two years, until h got made redundant, and we had to move back as we were on a temporary visa thank god in this time, I quit my job under duress :( and I was homesick. I had zero support in my homesickness from h. It was basically 'get over it' attitude from him.

So, we get back to the Uk, and dh is getting interviews here and there. He's trying to pick his work as in how much it pays? And what the package is. He gets a new job, gets his first wage, and puts £700 into our joint account. He got paid £4k this was on the 17th. To now, he's saying we don't have the any money.

Now, I'd understand it, if we spent it on Xmas, but I bought all the gifts for everyone and food on the credit card as we didn't know when he'd get paid. He hasn't given me a penny towards thus cc, as I've used some of the £700 he gave me.

So my Sherlock friends...where has this money disappeared to?

Sorry, that was the short version

We are speculating, we don't know, but you are unhappy and his high-handedness just ignores any objections you put to him. He is a steam-roller by nature but you are his DW not some chattel to be dragged around without consultation. Even if it's not covert gambling, buying shares and taking big losses, he seems to spend family money as he pleases.

So, there should have been about £18,000 in that account from renting out the house. You paid for most of the house with money from the sale of your old house... Never mind where are his wages, where's your £15,000? But also where are his wages, where's his redundancy money. And who the fuck does he think he is?
I hope you do get some answers. Regardless, please get a lawyer because you cannot trust the man.

I have sent him an email to his personal account, not his work one, for him to read and digest. If he doesn't act upon it, my last parting words were that 'we'd have to call it a day'

He's several steps ahead of you. All this message does is delay while he spirits more money away.

Irrespective of whether you believe he may act on your ultimatum, tomorrow you need to make an appointment with a good family lawyer and a forensic accountant. That's the only way you will be able to trace this money.

"I found paperwork in the office which was an application for permananet residency in Oz, which I specifically said no to, several times. Again, bully boy tactics at work there " huge alarm bells ringing there. For what is worth the money may still be in NZ and that thing of increasing the size of the house is either his parting gift or a cover to buy him some time before he is ready to leave.

Agree with gold brass, the longer you stay with him the more opportunity he has to screw you up. LTB, he can't be trusted. And don't think that a forensic accountant can do much when the money hasn't touched this country. If there is no note of it in the accounts submitted for review, it simply doesn't exist.

(For legal purposes I mean, you know it does exist)