The Brave Babes Battle Bus - A New Year, A New YOU!

[Mouseface]

New Year Resolutions Anyone?

Welcome one and all, I'm Mouse, nice to meet YOU. :)

This is a thread for those who want to give up drink completely, or are maybe thinking about doing controlled drinking, or cutting down slowly, it's all up to you.

You know your limits, you know what is required, it's in YOUR hands.

Whatever your goal, you'll find unconditional support here. Always.

There will be talk of drinking quite often and those who fall off the Bus will post about it, so if that is going to jeopardise your chances of complete sobriety, then maybe the DRY threads would suit you better, as they are complete abstainers, but EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE :)

There are no hard and fast rules, other than the support here is unconditional, it may be in the form of tough love at times, but it's always meant with the very best of intentions.

There are two sayings that we rather like here -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

For those of you who'd like some history, here is the very first thread and the reason that we're all here now. FIRST THREAD

And here is the lastest thread, which you can scroll back through to see the other JOURNEYS SO FAR

The Bus may be 'mythical', but the support is real, it is honest and it will help you to achieve what it is that you seek, as long as you are honest with us, but mostly, YOURSELF

See you soon. x

Will be back early hours getting my head down for an hour before I go through this report, any ideas any one on the assessment on me??

i'm I don't know what to say as have no experience of this. Has a report been done on him and his issues?

I'm is there anyone who can work with you as an advocate - someone who takes your side help you plan your approach, and comes with you to meetings? Perhaps google 'advocacy services' in your area??? tbh, this is what you would hope a good SW would do, but if that's not happening then you need someone else who can support you and be impartial enough to take in everything that is said about you and around you.

In the meantime, please keep yourself and your dc safe. If you feel scared, or if he comes around then call the police. Please try not to drink - it makes you more vulnerable.

Im frg.org.uk/ this link is to a family rights organisation. They have a helpline and will be able to advise you what to do about the report.
I used to have some knowledge of this area but that was long ago and things have changed. Really think these people can give you the advice you need.

Im totally agree with what venus says too regarding keeping dc and yourself safe. hugsxx

Evening, tis me, Mouse

I'm - you can Google lots of help, just put in the key words that you know you need to and take it from there, that's how I got out and how I found help xxx

Ma - not long now..... tick tock and all that! I'm turning 39 tomorrow and I really don't feel like celebrating. Sunday was lovely, seeing everyone at Dad's, celebrating his Birthday except not....

It was a little subdued and lots of loud words were not spoken much more softly. It was hard to be in the house, seeing all of Mum's things there....

I'd normally wake to a 'Happy Birthday lovely' from my Mum, then a call later on, asking if I liked my gifts, how my day was, did I go for lunch or are we having a nice dinner etc......

I am not sure if my Dad will text and call. It's so fucking hard. But yet another first done and dusted...

Sorry to be so self indulgent, welcome to all the new Babes, welcome and take a seat.... if you can find some Opal Fruits, help yourself :)

Night all xxx

Day 1 done.
Goodnight Babes xx

Day 1 done for me as well, reading the posts from this evening it struck me that its going to be much harder to stick to my plan when life throws its stressful obstacles as it sadly has to others today. It reminds me of what it was like quitting smoking seven years ago, which for me was a tough couple of months brain retraining - cant think of a better way to put it.

Anyway thanks for the nice welcome, night folks :-)

Im I wonder if maybe his defence is to imply you have psychological problems? Try to deflect any allegations against him by discrediting you? It is just a thought and frankly I would be surprised (and shocked) if they took any of what he said too seriously. Again, I really don't know anything and could be way off, Rural's contact looks like a great place to start. The SW seems to be letting you down, she/he needs to spend some time with you and explain what is happening. Or as Venus suggests, it may be better to find an advocate who will be able to better support to you and help you get to the bottom of what's happening. Hang on in there love and be safe Xx

Hello and a warm welcome to the new babes

A mammoth cheer to all those babes clocking up the days, Well done!!

Ma can I be the first to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!!!!! Hope you have a fantabulous day and get treated royally

Spanna day 12, day 12!!! Well done on getting through another Monday and keeping the skin on your teeth I love reading your posts, you are so brilliant at keeping up to date with everyone.

Mouse Very warm birthday wishes and I hope it is a good day for you at least in parts x

Thanks
beaches this could be it, you would of thought that they would of recommended him to have one too,

Morning all and happy birthday to mouse and ma
All quiet on the western front. It is f f f freezing outside and I have just has to scrape ice off the inside of my windscreen so that I can get home
Still the fire is lit and I will be off to my bed in a couple of hours- roll on day 14 :)

Morning all you fabulous babes, start of day 12 for me, and its another busy one, just packed DH and DS off for the day so I'm working from home in peace and quiet, prep for the rest of the week today, committee papers to prepare, reading to do, and my first session with my personal trainer in a month at lunch time, it is going to be hell - but great when it's over!

Working from home day have been a bit dangerous for me - no one to see what time I started drinking, but after refusing DH's offer of wine last night, I'm feeling strong. I went to bed thinking I hadn't missed drinking, and woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed - can't imagine at the moment why I ever drank.

Happy birthday to Mouse and Ma hope you have lots of love and support around you, and lots of

Im, I can only reiterate what I said a few days ago, and what Beaches, Venus and others have said, you need advocacy, someone who can ask the questions for you when you don't feel strong enough, and who will support you through the process. ((hugs))

Well done, everyone else on those AF days, and on all those other New year improvements - diets, not smoking, WOW!!

Hey Im

Do get in touch with that family advocacy center suggested above. But there is one thing I will tell you. Social Workers where children are concerned, may say they are your friend, may say they are on your side and may promise you the moon and stars. Be careful before you sign up for psychological assessment. It seems as if she is shifting you from victim of domestic abuse to potentially mentally unsound faker. Accept counselling for domestic violence, not a mental health check.

Dont forget: SS dont make the final decision. The courts do.

I want to remind you lovely that I have no insight into the system in the UK but I can tell you that being sober is the only way to deal with these people. Dont let them push you around, push back, lean forward, force the issue. I offer nothing buf support and love. Xo

Its a while ago I spent ages trying to find a nice AF wine. I went to different supermarkets and tried different brands. What I found was that there is such a small choice.

I was in a new shop one day and couldn't find the AF drinks and I was just going to ask someone when it suddenly struck me. They would point me to the rows and rows of non-alcoholic drinks. Fizzy water, tonics, squash, fruit juice, etc. Why was I trying to buy AF wine when I didn't want wine and there was so much else to choose from?

Then I realised that I didn't need AF wine. That was just feeding the illusion. So now I concentrate on all those lovely alternative drinks, mixing them together, finding out what I like.

There are loads of teas to choose from too. I love peppermint and liquorice.

And whilst AF wine tastes horrible it's worth bearing in mind that alcohol itself has a pretty horrible taste too. When we first started drinking, we all had to push past that 'yuck' stage and learn to like the acquired taste.

Im sorry if I've got all the details muddled but could it be that because you turned down the offer of a refuge, they can do no more than make your house safe?

When he assaults you, you don't want to report him to the police, so they can't arrest him. Have you ever actually prosecuted him for any assaults?

I think you need to go into the refuge to keep yourself safe and start proceedings against him. Once the wheels are in motion, you will definitely be treated as a victim and get all the support they can offer.

As it stands, what more can they do to help you?

Sorry if I've got that all wrong, you haven't done anything wrong, you deserve all the help you can get. Keep posting, we'll put our heads together and see what else we can suggest for you x

Good morning, big hugs to all brave babes, well done on another day of abstinance
Happy Birthday to you, happy Birthday to you, happy Birthday dear ma and mouse, happy Birthday to you
Slept well last night, yay, and feeling great might have something to do with being off for the rest of of the week after today xx
xxx

mouse and ma Happy birthday to you both. Hopwe you both have a lovely day. Furry fox hugs coming your way. xx

Im read very carefully what why has said and act on it babe.
She is dead right about some SW's there are nice ones but their job these days is 99% about protecting DC's. He would not be asked to take a test as he is not the one in charge of the care of the younger children.
This psychological test is probably being asked for because either there is concern you are not coping with their day to day care or you are not willing or able to protect them. why is right when she says you don't have to have this assessment they can't force it on you. Fight your corner and ask for counselling re domestic violence and protecting your children etc.
Having said that if you refuse and SS get nasty and take you to court instead of doing what the b88TARDS should do, which is help you find a safe place with your dc's as far away from the twunt as possible they will use your refusal of psychological assessment against you. You are in catch 22 and need to ring that family rights group. My knowledge of the system is limited now but they are good and should help.
Assessment or not you must stay sober, report him to police if he does anything else, look after DC'S well as I am sure you already are and most importantly be willing to move to a refuge. SS will then have no case.
Please ring them and has others have said, stand and fight for the help you deserve and get an advocate to help you through. Family rights should be able to help with Advocate if you don't know where to find one.
Take care xx

Morning babes Day 14 here

babyj have you phoned that counsellor yet?

Happy birthday Ma and Mouse

Thank you for all the wonderful Birthday wishes - Happy Birthday Ma xxx xxx

I'm - It seems as if she is shifting you from victim of domestic abuse to potentially mentally unsound faker. Accept counselling for domestic violence, not a mental health check.

Dont forget: SS dont make the final decision. The courts do.

The above is 100% spot on! At first they (SW) are kind to you, see your points of view, reassure you that everything will be okay but the more that you tell them and the longer that things go on, the deeper they will dig.

I agree totally with those who have said it sounds as if she is trying to use mental instability to get something done.... what, I'm not sure.

GET HELP! GET AN ADVOCATE!

You can't do this on your own anymore. You need someone who can sit, hold your hand and go through EVERYTHING - right from day 1 with you, so that you can build a timeline of events. So that you can get your side of things across.

I also think that he is trying to make you look like some unstable basket case, which is easy when you are in the depths of despair and the unknown.

DO NOT LET HIM DO THIS TO YOU.

You have a way to leave, so leave. Get out. Once out, start protection proceedings, an injunction, whatever but you are not safe as long as you stay in that house.

He will threaten to have the children taken away because that is his ONLY weapon. He KNOWS that will crush you. IGNORE IT FOR NOW. JUST GET OUT AND BE SAFE, ALL OF YOU!

REMEMBER - YOU ARE THE VICTIM HERE

Please I'm, you've had some great advice, maybe hold the SW at arms length for a while and keep the info you give her from here on in to the essentials.

If you are safe, and the children are safe, fed, warm, going to school and clean, she has NO REASON TO HAVE THEM REMOVED! It's his word against yours, he's trying to play the mental head case card because THAT IS ALL HE HAS

YOU HAVE POLICE REPORTS OF VIOLENT ATTACKS

YOU HAVE REPORTS IN BLACK AND WHITE OF WHAT HE HAS DONE TO YOU!

Take good care. xxx

Oh mouse BRILLIANT post to IM you have put in a nutshell what I with my incoherent ramblings was trying to say.
Im take the advice, don't let the twunts SS and w88ker win. Sending you strength and hugs xx

Happy Birthday mouse
Happy Birthday ma