The Brave Babes Battle Bus - A New Year, A New YOU!

[Mouseface]

New Year Resolutions Anyone?

Welcome one and all, I'm Mouse, nice to meet YOU. :)

This is a thread for those who want to give up drink completely, or are maybe thinking about doing controlled drinking, or cutting down slowly, it's all up to you.

You know your limits, you know what is required, it's in YOUR hands.

Whatever your goal, you'll find unconditional support here. Always.

There will be talk of drinking quite often and those who fall off the Bus will post about it, so if that is going to jeopardise your chances of complete sobriety, then maybe the DRY threads would suit you better, as they are complete abstainers, but EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE :)

There are no hard and fast rules, other than the support here is unconditional, it may be in the form of tough love at times, but it's always meant with the very best of intentions.

There are two sayings that we rather like here -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

For those of you who'd like some history, here is the very first thread and the reason that we're all here now. FIRST THREAD

And here is the lastest thread, which you can scroll back through to see the other JOURNEYS SO FAR

The Bus may be 'mythical', but the support is real, it is honest and it will help you to achieve what it is that you seek, as long as you are honest with us, but mostly, YOURSELF

See you soon. x

I'm Good Luck today xxx

Good luck I'm xxx

Morning all

Isinde your lovely post yesterday reminded me of Carole King's Tapestry.

My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue
An everlasting vision of the ever-changing view
A wondrous, woven magic in bits of blue and gold
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold

Once amid the soft silver sadness in the sky
There came a man of fortune, a drifter passing by
He wore a torn and tattered cloth around his leathered hide
And a coat of many colors, yellow-green on either side

He moved with some uncertainty, as if he didn't know
Just what he was there for, or where he ought to go
Once he reached for something golden hanging from a tree
And his hand came down empty

Soon within my tapestry along the rutted road
He sat down on a river rock and turned into a toad
It seemed that he had fallen into someone's wicked spell
And I wept to see him suffer, though I didn't know him well

As I watched in sorrow, there suddenly appeared
A figure gray and ghostly beneath a flowing beard
In times of deepest darkness, I've seen him dressed in black
Now my tapestry's unraveling - he's come to take me back
He's come to take me back

I think the lyrics could be interpreted to represent a man struggling with alcohol.

He starts off ok but once he begins to prioritise alcohol, his life starts to unravel. Especially the bit about reaching for something golden and coming back empty. That is exactly what alcohol does to people. It promises the earth but delivers nothing. It just takes, takes, takes.

And then it's as if he cannot get out of the grip. The ww has him under her spell and he just surrenders to it. Eventually it leads him to his death.

It's a song about life and death and new life I suppose but it got me thinking about how many choices we make every day and how that completely changes the big picture.

Small choices have big impacts is what I think I am trying to say

So, one small choice for me. I will not drink today. I will add that AF day to my tapestry.

< deep >

faire that is an awesome post. I'm going to keep hold of that one. You are one clever laydee. x

baby I doing really well today,the switch in my brain clicked back to 'ok',not sure why. So I will take more notice and record what's going on. I know that some of it is just lifestuff. Might be the start of the menopause. Anyhow, how are you doing today lovely lady?

rural good to see you think I might steal that slip & blip line. I like that.Start of day 11 for you? Well done.I do hope that you are ma just 'forget' to do some of that 'women's work' today. ffs!

hope I love mrs doyle. Actually,if she were on the bus she would be both an enabler and enormously judgemental at the same time.

Right then lovely babes. Now that I have finished poncing about like a victorian consumptive, I have noticed the first few signs of spring beginning to sprung. Just a few overly excited daffodils starting to grow. Add your own analogy to the daffs & spring and quitting the booze!

Today I will not be drinking.

If I procrastinate any longer I will also not be getting any work done today.

Good morning, managed another AF day yesterday even though OH was on the wine, "no unplanned drinking" is my new mantra. I think that alcohol like smoking is a conditioned response for me, that its a strong pattern i need to break.

I've been reading Stanton Peel's book on addiction this week and what he say's is very true for me "think of addiction as a powerful, sometimes overpowering involvement to which you turn for security and gratification when you fail to find better gratifications in the rest of your life, the more you turn to it, the more primary it becomes as the bulwark of your life.

Yet the more you rely on it, the more negative experiences it produces in your life and the more you need to return to the addiction. People overcome addiction when they realise it's really in their own best interests to do so, when they begin to get more rewards for living without the addiction than they got for feeding the addiction."

I hope the word addiction doesn't offend anyone, maybe i should have replaced it with 'conditioned habit' because i don't really like the word 'addiction' it reminds of the AA mantra of being powerless - we are not powerless, i refuse to be :-)

Hope everyone has a lovely day - the sun is just about peeking out here.

babes I'm back on board. Absolutely exhausted but home and unpacked and sober. Day 1 done. See you all in the morning.
Soc x

hmmm... I like the sound of that book onboard. I'm going to copy & paste that quote too. I intellectually understand the use of the word 'powerless' and I sort of agree but I don't feel it describes all the states of addiction / bad habits. Also I don't feel powerless any more. Think I prefer the term 'conditioned habit' which is much the same thing,I guess.

Hi soc where did you go? sorry, I'll scroll back & find out.

Come out, come out where ever you are it's been very quiet on Gerald today Day 22 for me today and WW wanky bitch has been whispering and getting louder as the days gone on

Found out that I can't get the mortgage I need to buy the flat, they will only lend me £35K, I need £50K so I will have to go into rented for a bit and have a re-think. I haven't told the girls yet. I've still got to speak to solicitor and estate agent (not looking forward to that conversation, but actually telling DDs will be worse)

Anyway on a brighter note the egg box flowers went well yesterday. I had 8 (should usually be 9) DCs yr 3 and 4, boy heavy which was a pleasant surprise, usually my art & craft clubs have more girls. 3 of them were quite boisterous (which was fun!) One of the boys made his Dad a flower, as he's been working away, so sweet

How are you all Babes?

I'm good Spanna, though knackered as on my own at work doing the jobs of 10 people. Just had a cheeseburger while waiting for ds to finish training. Junk food in my car for dinner (hangs head in shame). Glad the flowers worked well. Your job sounds lovely. Gutting about the mortgage though. Can't you try somewhere else for one? Hope you work it out x

Onboard interesting post. Makes sense to me, kind of reflects why I drink. Except tonight I am not. Day 19.

spanna you are awesome. And all the other babes still dry. So sorry not to name check, am shattered. Work is insane, business awards are only 7 weeks away and so much to do.
Boss has just announced he will be off for at least a week in Feb as wife has an op and I NEED him to be in work....
Wankbadger has bought the light bulbs and cooked dinner.....next week we'll try mastering shapes.
Am in the sidecar with indie

My day has been OK until about an hour ago. Had a broken sleep last night so am probably a bit tired and my period arrived yesterday with has been quite heavy so maybe I'm a bit tired because of that too. I had a hypnotherapy session yesterday, which although I found relaxing I haven't really seen any change to my self esteem (which is what I wanted to fix). It was only my first session though. I also had some complimentary therapy in the afternoon (cut price shiatsu and reiki at a drop in thing). Someone mentioned something about a "healing crisis" but tbh I feel shit like this that it is almost my default setting so would a bit of massage really make me feel worse?

My DD is over at her Dad's tonight. Which is just as well as I have been quite tetchy and irritable. Just feel very moody and like I want to throw things and shout and scream. So days like tonight are real trigger days I don't want to drink, the thought of the taste, smell, the blurry drunkeness and the subsequent hangover doesn't appeal to me at all but what does appeal to me is that I know that it will dilute and cut out the noise that is going in my head. By the noise I mean me constantly telling myself that I'm this horrible, disgusting person, who everyone hates, who will never get anything right, who will always be used and abused I have these thoughts alot and that is why the wine was my friend for such a long time because it numbed it all out.

Today I have been 15 days AF btw.

next week we'll try mastering shapes

dancer could you put some headphones on and listen to music, a story cd or meditation type exercises. That voice is the wine witch trying to send you back to your old coping mechanisms.

Don't listen to her, get some new strategies to help you ignore that voice. It's not true, you are just as deserving of happiness as anyone else x

evening all,

ma just start with circles and squares. Leave 3D shapes for another day

spanna that's a shame about the house. You sound calm though.

dancer ok,it's normal to have a few tetchy days when you break the drink habit- it's a massive change in behaviour. But for some of us it can open up issoooos which we have been drinking on and brushing under the carpet (drunkenly) for years.The massage will help as will chocolate and good quality sleep.Is there anyone in RL you can talk to about how you feel? I found getting sober painful at times because I had to deal with some crap. On the other hand drinking and drowning them out didn't work either. Does that make any kind of sense??? Be kind to yourself.

'LO there faire and hope

Night all

I just tried doing a relaxation/meditation cd. I felt relaxed for a bit and then got to a bit where I was supposed to imagine myself lying in a boat in a middle of a lake and all I could think about was killer whales leaping out of the water to eat me up or me falling into the water and drowning I then started thinking about an ex boyfriend (who was particularly nasty - actually pretty much ALL of my boyfriends have been really nasty) and started to remember how worthless and powerless he made me feel

That's typical of me - can't even do a relaxation CD without feeling angry... Has anyone else had this?

Evening everyone. Day 27 and loving the AF koppenburg :)

Evening Babes

ma sorry to hear about your wankbadger. Just a thought, but can you treat him like a naughty toddler ie. Explain calmly and clearly exactly why you're cross, what you want to happen next... sometimes men do act like children and have to be treated as such

Day 23. Although to be fair, the only thing I've wanted to drink lately has been lemsip. And I've found out that Karvol has been discontinued

Sorry to hear about the Karvol joey. Are you feeling better?

morning mrF

Dancer yes,I think it's normal for all kinds of angry/hurt feelings from the past to resurface. I'm not brilliant with relaxation things so tend to need some active exercise to calm my demons.
I guess that your mind has got the space to deal with crap boyfriend now,sadly no one informs your emotions or tells you how to deal with it!!
If you want to stay alcohol free (I don't know what you're aiming for) then you will get over these feelings with a bit of time. Poor you- it does suck though!

Keep posting there are lots of babes to help.If you need to get anything specific out,then we are listening. x

Morning all :)
Just checking in as I have been AWOL for a bit. The are so many on here who are struggling with such awful issues and being so strong that I feel a bit of a fraud chirruping on about how dandy life is :)
So just to get it off my chest, everything's great here, DJ still going to plan and today there is just one week left, the end is truly in sight :)
Sending best wishes and strength to all and keep the WW under control this weekend :o

Morning, kudos to all those who v.nearly at the end of dry Jan, i don't think i could do that just now but maybe next year I'll join you.

Joey i feel your pain about the karvol capsules, they helped us get through endless colds and chest infections when dd was a baby, maybe try vicks instead?

Dancer - having had several crap boyfriends when i was younger, it helped me to write all my feelings down in a letter and then burn the letters, at least you are dealing with this rather than drinking it away and come the next relationship hopefully you'll hold out for a good type :-)

i have managed my second week of being AF during the week, and aiming for moderated drinking this weekend. Have got a job interview today so fingers crossed, because last night i had a bit of a finances panic.

Good luck with the interview onboard

Day 24, can't believe I have got this far :)

Morning babes, day 24 and heading into the last full weekend of January.

Spanna I am sorry to hear about the mortgage, what a disappointment. Hope telling the girls goes ok for you babe. I loved the story about the little boy making the flower for his dad! I hope that Dad is delighted with it.

Im I hope your meeting went well yesterday. X

Mouse piece of cheese?

Slap. Well done, and it is lovely to hear that things are fine and dandy

onboard very good luck for the job interview

joey day 24, fantastic!!

Anne. You too, 24 days!!

MrF day 28, wow! Well done.

dancer I do feel for you, it sounds normal, anxious and tense. I think the relaxation techniques may help, but give them a bit of time and try not to expect too much instantly. You did may me smile a bit when the relaxation tape lead you into a pool of killer whales - sure that is not what they had in mind!! Take care x. Also what faire said! you deserve happiness as much as the next person - believe it!

baby hope you are ok babe x

guggs hope Ma Sweet Rural Sweet Soc Why isinde obri sober and any other lurkers. Happy Friday

Hi everyone, may I join you?

I stopped drinking on 1st January. I had been thinking about stopping for a while but around xmas time I started to think about taking a year off of drinking to see what it would be like to experience all the normal occasions without a glass of wine or vodka in my hand.

I used to only drink on nights out but in the last 3 years my drinking levels had crept up to the point I was drinking 3-4 units per day. It was becoming a serious habit where I would automatically pour a drink at 5pm and sometimes earlier. I thought it was helping calm my anxiety but I think really it was making it worse. Also on several occasions I was incredibly indiscreet when drunk which could have cost me friendships. A couple of times I was very drunk in front of my kids. When my DS got concussed at 5pm on a weekday evening I was already over the limit and had to get my MIL to drive us to the hospital .

Basically I was being a massive twat. I tried for years to drink in moderation or only on weekends but it kept getting worse so i figured lets try not drinking at all and see if life gets better or worse.

24 days in it has gotten better. The painful indigestion I got has pretty much gone. My anxiety is getting better. I am sleeping better. For the first 2 weeks all those things got worse so it would have been easy to say this isn't working but I figured get to the end of the month and see and it appears to have worked.

I have been to a couple of small events where I would have normally drunk and it was fine. I was a bit quieter than normal but at least I was my true self :)

Tomorrow I am having a dinner party which is going to be a real test. It is with my girlfriends who will all be drinking and asking why I am not. I also gave up smoking when I stopped drinking and that is going to be even harder to resist. At least I have some non alcoholic sparkling wine to make me feel like I am not 'missing out'.

Looking forward to Sunday with no hangover!

Welcome angry and well done for being brave and posting.

slap don't worry about being a 'fraud' - my life is fairly dandy too compared to some of the struggles that other people have to cope with. But we all have different reasons for drinking, and deserve support in quitting. I know that although my life is okay now it wasn't when I started drinking, and I have to look back and think about those issues too.

beaches thanks for remembering how far everyone has got so far! I lose track of my own achievements, let alone everyone else's!

Hi babes

It's going to take me a while to catch up, but good god I'm impressed with those of you on things like Day 24. Bloody amazing. Well done.

Welcome angry. Always good to have fresh blood.....

It's past midnight here and I'm going through that typical very tired, but can't sleep phase of the early days of stopping.

Otherwise all good in my little world and I sincerely hope all of you battling such big battles find more strength to continue. You're doing so well mouse, I'm, why and others who I may not have caught up with.

Sorry about the flat spanna. That's a real shit. It sounded so nice.

beaches you need some kind of award for keeping track of everyone. Not to mention 24 days off. Well done. Please tell me it gets easier. I so much want to do a long spell.

So far my best is 24 AF free days in November. This month wasn't too bad, just two bad patches, but I'd love to knock a long stretch on the head to feel the full effect of sobriety. This stop start stuff doesn't get you there I don't reckon. Though it's better than what it was before.

Anyway, enough back seat driving from me. I shall be reporting in tomorrow morning. Hope Gerald has had a full service in my absence. And has all the tinsel being removed and will someone please pick up the empty opal wrappers. Tis a disgrace girls.....

Soc