is this normal? bedroom stuff.

[wonderingquietly]

I've name changed for this, but am a regular poster.

Quite embarrassing, but I am wondering what's normal when it comes to how long a man lasts in bed.

I was married for a long time, and my ex husband lasted for an hour minimum, usually more like 90 minutes. This was whether it was penetration or other stuff.

My latest partner, well penetration has never lasted more than five minutes. I'm not timing him, obviously, but it feels very quick. He gets an erection easily so I don't think that is the problem, and he always works on me first for a long, long time before penetration. However, I can't orgasm without penetration so that is important to me.

He is touchy when I mention is; he says no me has ever complained before and that he has always given previous partners multiple orgasms, saying if he gets them to orgasm once before penetration, then they always come again during actual sex.

Is this normal? I know its relative but but would this feel like premature ejaculaton/some sort of problem if a man couldn't go longer than five minutes of penetratiin, or was I just spoiled by my ex? Lol.

[SiliconeSally]

If what you are after is a mutually satisfying sex life I think the OP trying to 'speed up' a bit or come with alternative stimulation is as valid a request as trying to make him last longer. A sexual relationship needs to be equally nurtured by both parties. There is a lot of 'he needs to change or he is selfish ' on this thread. He has suggested different positions to try and slow down.

OP I presume you are already using conforms? Try extra strong?

[lookatmybutt]

I've had a lot of variation in bed partners (not too many!) from 2 hour jobbies to 2 minute jobbies to inbetween to YOU WATCH TOO MUCH PORN DON'T YOU? Very boring that last one.

Personally, I prefer a short PIV bit, if only because I often use condoms as contraception and I just get blooming sore (and bored) being hammered away at. I also find a bit of sauciness beforehand far more sexy, but that's me.

Suggestions for you guys: thicker condom, your partner having an earlier date with Mrs Palm and Her Five Lovely Daughters (worked with guys I knew in the past) also maybe have a think about some new toys (I recommend Lovehoney - maybe get one of the realistic dildos, he can either do you with that or if it has a suction cup you can stick it on him and go nuts), roleplay, saucy outfits, maybe more

Your poor partner is not a walking man-dildo! Try to connect as a saucy human!

This post was brought to you with a large amount of

[nickymanchester]

lookatmybutt

YOU WATCH TOO MUCH PORN DON'T YOU



Did you say that to him or did he say that to you?

I recommend Lovehoney

I also did above - it's nice to know that I'm not the only person brave enough to out themselves as a customer.

This post was brought to you with a large amount of

I don't know why - you gave some really good suggestions

[Idespair]

60-90 mins of actual shagging is much too long. I have never been with anyone who takes so long. 5-10 mins or thereabouts much more normal IMO.

[wonderingquietly]

Haha, thank you all.

To answer the questions I can remember and add a bit more info;

Bless him, he really does work on me and try his best to get me to orgasm before he even starts on the actual intercourse bit.

He's quite 'straight' and is quite shy too when it comes to the use of toys, role play etc, willing to try but quite prudish, almost.

If he ejalates, his erection disappears within a few seconds and he doesn't seem able (or willing) to get another too soon afterwards, so the helping hand thing isn't an option, I don't think.

Oh and the 'my exes' never complained and multiple orgasm comments, well maybe I handled it badly as we ended up arguing slightly over it. He said his exes had multiple orgasms and implied it was all of his exes, I asked how he knew the werent faking it and what were the signs of orgasm, he blustered that he just knew from them thrusting against him and their breathing quickened...so then I might have slightly said that's all fake able stuff and asked if he 'felt' them you know, contracting 'inside' and that considering he doesn't actually go near my clit when he touches me (he rubs lower) I doubted the validity of his claims! Whoops. But he annoyed me with his arrogance.

I am trying to hurry up though, I have this problem where I get so close to orgasm then poof...its gone. So that's my issue that I am working on.

Its just he seems very techy about his 'issue'.

[BOFalicious]

Jobbies are turds in Scotland

[Jaffacakesallround]

But is it any surprise he's tetchy when it's gone as far as an argument over his previous conquests and yours?

I suppose what's missing here is any signs from him that he will try to delay a little bit if he can- and some kindness from you, telling him it's ok, it doesn't matter.

You do sound a bit harsh and selfish in bed tbh.

Sorry.

[wonderingquietly]

Oh no, I did tell him it was fine. But then he started saying he had no problems with anyone else, I got annoyed and said some things.

How would he be able to delay things? Would he be able to feel in time to be able to stop for a bit, or something?

Genuinely clueless here when it comes to that kind of thing...

[pictish]

If he ejalates, his erection disappears within a few seconds and he doesn't seem able (or willing) to get another too soon afterwards

Well of course not - it's the same with most men OP. My dh doesn't spring right back to life straightaway either - and what's more, neither do I! When I'm done, I'm done. That's how it is for the majority.

[wonderingquietly]

No I know :)

Its just someone mentioned...well the poster said 'spending time with mrs palm and her daughters' a while beforehand might help. But he's never wanted/been able to get another erection less than 3 hours after ejaculation, so I wasn't sure the above mentioned suggestion would help.

[pictish]

Three hours! That does seem a long wait!
I was thinking more like 15/20 minutes!

[wonderingquietly]

No :(

Whether its because he can't, or he doesn't want to, I haven't worked out yet.

But let's say, he's strictly a sex at bedtime sort of man, falls asleep afterwards (not right afterwards, lol) and during the next few hours when he stirs there's not a hint of anything happening down there. I've never tried 'man handling' him at those times but it just seems like there would be no point anyway.

He is older though, probably should have mentioned that before. He's 58.
But my ex (the absurdly-long laster) is 51 so I didn't think the age difference would make too much of a...well, difference :)

My partner did lose his erection randomly once mid sex (I think; he just apologised and didn't explain any further) and I did reassure him it was fine, kissed and hugged him and all that. So I'm not a complete heartless cow.

[BOFalicious]

Cockring? Apparently. Or there's a technique to delay ejaculation according to Cosmo. A nice one, not kicking him in the nads. I think it involves pressing aping on the man's perineum. Can't remember the name of it though.

[DisneyAddict88]

I would say the 5-10 min mark is normal . However

have u tried the delay condoms? lovehoney sell them and I think durex also do them - they numb him slightly so he can go longer. best to put on a few mins before.

positioning definitely makes a difference aswell.

[ForalltheSaints]

I think five minutes is way too short.

[Joysmum]

We tend to prefer the foreplay to the penetration.

Hubby can cum in 30secs flat if I want him too! We tend to spin it out a bit and he'll tell me he's close and wants to take a break at which point he'll either go back to foreplay or get out the toys. We love the toys as he doesn't feel so pressured to fuck hard without cumming quickly and I can get it hard and fast as I like it.

[lookatmybutt]

Nicky, it was me thinking it about him. He kept changing position every 5 seconds and hammering away like a mindless drone. I did put it more diplomatically than that and couched it as positive suggestions.

BOF - hehe, I didn't think of that. Needless to say even my spicier moments in the bedroom do NOT involve those sorts of jobbies. Though I will say all of my exes are big jobbies in human form.

Can we do recs ok? For clit stimulation, I got this as a present to myself and partner as well as a couple of close (platonic) female friends and it got rave reviews all round:

www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=14042

It's really very good and this is from someone who managed to break their bits with a Hitachi Magic Wand.

Lovehoney also do a few along the same lines as the Hitachi, but they're quite expensive. They're mains powered and I strongly recommend against using them 4 times in 1 day.

They can be great for neck massage too!

[Jaffacakesallround]

OP- why is it so important that you have an orgasm? I rarely do and that's my problem but sex for us is about being close.

You mentioned that you were married for many years but was he your first? You seem to be a bit inexperienced when it comes to men and their sexuality.

Were there no men in your teenage years when young men learn to delay orgasm- often by reciting ( in their heads, I add) their times tables or something equally mundane, to keep their minds off their cocks.

Men can and do learn distraction techniques- though some learn better than others.

Your partner can easily read up about these and practise.

I'm just a bit surprised that your only experiences ( as recounted here) seem to be with men at each end of the spectrum- 90 minutes-ers or 5 minutes-ers.

[annieorangutan]

I have to have an orgasm every time once your used to it it seems strange not to as in an incomplete shag. I wouldnt mind on a very rare occasion not to but dont think the op should put up with substandard sex life is too short!

[annieorangutan]

Its very interesting that you state most men prefer it over in 5 mins and then you say you dont often orgasm jaffa. Think your dh needs to sort it out v selfish imo. Guarntee he wouldnt be happy with you orgasming every timr and him rarely

[Joysmum]

Omg I can't imagine not having an orgasm every time???

Rarely had one before meeting my hubby but got him trained up rather nicely thank goodness.

[Bloodyteenagers]

Fucking hell. 5 minutes or less every single time? That's what we call a quickie and then it's a bit longer.

Orgasms are important to both of us. Yes they don't happen every time, but the majority of the time they do. We both care about what each other wants.

I have had one partner who was quick. But he was extremely selfish. As long as he was satisfied nothing else mattered. He lied and said it was my problem. As with the op, his previous partners were more than satisfied. Any mention of spicing things up, distraction techniques, anything to do with our sex lives, he wasn't happy with these conversations. I tried showing him how to do things, but he always reverted back to his tried and proven methods which did nothing for me.

Op is this what you want. To settle with someone who gets touchy when you raise the subject and who isn't interested in what you want? Obviously, from this thread, some people are more than willing to settle, but really is this what you want?

[pictish]

Who is willing to settle? What a bloody cheek!

[SiliconeSally]

The fact that he can't identify your clit can't be helping.....