is this normal? bedroom stuff.

[wonderingquietly]

I've name changed for this, but am a regular poster.

Quite embarrassing, but I am wondering what's normal when it comes to how long a man lasts in bed.

I was married for a long time, and my ex husband lasted for an hour minimum, usually more like 90 minutes. This was whether it was penetration or other stuff.

My latest partner, well penetration has never lasted more than five minutes. I'm not timing him, obviously, but it feels very quick. He gets an erection easily so I don't think that is the problem, and he always works on me first for a long, long time before penetration. However, I can't orgasm without penetration so that is important to me.

He is touchy when I mention is; he says no me has ever complained before and that he has always given previous partners multiple orgasms, saying if he gets them to orgasm once before penetration, then they always come again during actual sex.

Is this normal? I know its relative but but would this feel like premature ejaculaton/some sort of problem if a man couldn't go longer than five minutes of penetratiin, or was I just spoiled by my ex? Lol.

[annieorangutan]

Surely its not just thrusting its clit play, the kissing and all over the neck etc with a mans stubble, the boob play, hair etc. You can not have decent sex like that if its over in less than 180 seconds.

[RedchairBluechair]

OP, as a man I can't say what other men's timing is because I have no experience of it! But from my perspective, women's timing (and bedroom interests) vary enormously - and I think you are aware of that.

From what you say you and your partner are both doing OK -in that you both get to where you want to get to! -but he needs to realise that you are yourself and not any other woman he has been with. Gently train him to amend his ways!

[EirikurNoromaour]

XH could easily come in 60 seconds but equally could keep it going by stopping just before for a moment. I wouldn't want more than 5-10 mins of penetration though. I think if you're very turned on before penetration then for me at least 5-10 minutes is plenty.

[Twinklestein]

'Gently train him'? He's not a flipping labrador!

OP I would be as unimpressed with the 'nobody else has complained' line in the bedroom as in a restaurant. It implies a lax attitude to customer satisfaction.

[Twinklestein]

That, I think, is more of a problem than the 5 mins in itself. If the waiters come running saying terribly sorry madam how would you like yours? That's a restaurant you'd go back to no?

[annieorangutan]

Agree twinklestein

[pictish]

Annie - yes of course, what I and the OP are referring to is penatrative sex.
The whole affair of sex from beginning to end, including foreplay can take five minutes or two hours, depending on the mood at hand.
But the actual act of penetration....an hour, or even and hour and a half is, to my limited knowledge, an extreme rarity.

[annieorangutan]

But 3 mins? If the op prefers and orgasms more from penetration than 3 minutes isnt going to be anywhere near adequate.

[pictish]

I know. Perhaps they just aren't compatible.
Mind you - if she's looking for someone who can play hide the sausage for an hour or more at a time, she's going to have difficulty finding him imo.

I'm not entirely sure how much control a bloke can realistically be expected to have on that front.

[Lazyjaney]

90 minutes! Was that in one continuous ride? If so, was he mistaking Novocaine for Viagra

(can I ask about lubrication....)

But, him saying "others were satisfied, why arent you" does smack of selfishness. Does he let you ride him?

But there may be a mismatch here too. He seems to give you a lot of foreplay, IME while 3 mins sounds short, I'd put 10 at the upper end of a final run for the finish line, so if you can't go without a long bout of penetration you may have to face quite a lot of disappointments.

[hamptoncourt]

I once slept with a bloke who lasted 90 minutes of PIV. Otherwise known as The Worst Shag Of My Life!! Bored/sore/tired. Never slept with him again although he was very keen and clearly had no idea it was so tedious for me.

I have slept with quite a few blokes reckon 5 minutes of PIV is pretty much in the normal range.

However, if you are not sexually compatible OP then maybe call it a day.

[nickymanchester]

As people above have already said, you do perhaps need to let him know that all women are different.

However, I can't orgasm without penetration so that is important to me

I don't know what you and dp think about the use of sex toys, but there is one that I am sure will definitely give you an orgasm.

If your dp doesn't get you there during penetration then getting him to use something like a magic wand on you afterwards will definitely do the job regardless.

However, I do know that some men can get a bit funny about introducing toys into the bedroom.

If you search for ''magic wand'' or have a read of some reviews of it here:-

www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=20464

[eurochick]

60-90 minutes sounds... dull, frankly. I'd say 10 mins is more normal for people in established relationships (longer sessions in the early days though).

[Jaffacakesallround]

Trying not to be cynical here ( and not succeeding too well) but I did wonder if this post was by a guy who wanted reassurance that his performance was okay.

[wonderingquietly]

No, definitely all woman here (haha, sorry!)

Sorry I haven't been on sooner...so many replies to take into consideration!

OK so;

Yes, 60-90 mins was sore and boring. We did switch it up with positions etc but I was forever wishing he would hurry up. And yes, ex was controlling.

This guy, to be honest I think I was exaggerating with the 5 minutes, thinking about it, its more like a few thrusts (10 maximum, but he wasn't going particularly 'fast' at it) and then he would suddenly speed up and...over with.

This would usually be accompanied by him saying "oh god sorry, I'm coming" but he doesnt apologise lately.

The first time I went on top it was him asking me to do it as he lasts longer that way...maybe fractionally but it didn't make much of a difference.

I do have some 'toys' but maybe I'm weird, I like the feeling of him inside me, hence my disappointment that he can't last as long as I would like.

Maybe I was too harsh in how I brought the subject up with him :s

[DayAfterYesterday]

Dh lasts on average about 20 minutes of penetration, very rarely only 5 - 10 if its been a while. Including foreplay anything from 30-45 mins to 2 hours is normal for us. IMO 10 thrusts is not the norm I would wonder what the point was tbh.

[Takingbackmonday]

5 is a bit shit. 90 is worse.

He's touchy, some men are about not lasting long enough; his comments about his exes are awfully childish.

Work on him lasting longer, softly approach perhaps so he isn't so defensive.

[nickymanchester]

its more like a few thrusts (10 maximum, but he wasn't going particularly 'fast' at it) and then he would suddenly speed up and...over with


That really does sound like premature ejaculation. Maybe that's why in the past he has spent so long trying to please the partners he's been with before moving on to PIV as he knows that he doesn't last very long?

I really don't know anything about that but I'm sure there are lots of resources available.

[jojoanna]

I had an ex that lasted 5 mins during penetration but spent ages on foreplay making sure i was satisfied. But I could only come during penetrative sex. I found loads of foreplay boring in the end.

We did manage to find a couple of positions where he lasted longer and used some toys so it was a combination of things that worked in the end.

[nickymanchester]

saying if he gets them to orgasm once before penetration, then they always come again during actual sex

Given what you've just said above, looking back on your comment from the OP I would guess that there was a fair bit of faking it going on during penetration and he couldn't tell the difference

[JupiterGentlefly]

Isn't there something called retarded ejaculation?

[Rosieliveson]

Bit personal but do you have actual sex on his first or second 'go'. I've found that some preliminary action for the man prolongs the stamina!

God I sound like such a prude ... can't bring myself to type wank or blow job ... Oh look I did it! Now I just sound mental

[CocktailQueen]

He is touchy when I mention is; he says no me has ever complained before and that he has always given previous partners multiple orgasms, saying if he gets them to orgasm once before penetration, then they always come again during actual sex.

Really?? That sounds like a big fat lie. But, regardless, he should be listening to YOU and what YOU want. Not all women are the same.
What's he like outside bed?

[SiliconeSally]

Sit at your kitchen table for 5 mins. It is actually quite a long time .

What if you go easy on the foreplay on him? So that he is not so close by the time of PIV?
Or what if he came once first (bj perhaps) and then you wait a bit before trying PIV again and he wi be less sensitive

An hour is a long time, is it possible that during a long marriage with someone who could last an hour you have come to rely only on lengthy PIV for an orgasm rather than finding excitement in foreplay until you are closer? Have you tried manual stimulation during PIV?

How long have you been with him?

[CaptainHindsight]

Cock ring.

Keep the blood in there and keep going until you get yours!

Also put a stop to the pet lip "but the other women loved it" attitude you aren't those other women and he needs to learn how to get you off.