First anniversary fail - am I over-reacting? Please help!

[chillthefXXkout]

Today is my first anniversary with my boyfriend and he has done nothing, to the point of not getting me a card or even saying Happy Anniversary. I've made him a card and am feeling foolish for yet again making an effort only to be disappointed in return. I'm pretty sure I should expect more from my partner but don't know how to go about getting it. What would you do?

I should add we live together so I'm not sure what to do with the day - we are going for a meal this evening (which I booked). I don't think I can stand a polite day but he hates confrontation and avoids it at all costs.

Previously when I've told him that I need more romance/effort/thought on his part he has given me examples of his romantic moments - they were all with his ex!!

I'm hurt and angry and any advice would be so much appreciated! Sorry for rambling!

I've never even thought of celebrating any anniversary with my wife other than our wedding anniversary (and even that I've got recorded in Outlook to make sure I get it right!). I've no idea when we first met - that was a good three years before we started our relationship. I can tell you where it was and what year but no idea of the date. There are at least two occasions that could be said to mark the start of our relationship but, although I know the month and year for both, I'd struggle to tell you the actual dates. As for when I moved in with her - not a clue.

I think you are expecting too much today. However, it seems from your post that you want him to be more romantic and thoughtful than he is. If that is important to you it raises the question of whether or not you are right for each other.

We don't tend to celebrate anniversaries, but are going out tonight because it's been 20 years since we met. We're not married, and I'm not restarting the clock if we ever do get married!

I wouldn't think it was a big deal in and of itself, but might be a signal of other issues?

Also me and my DH do vary with anniversaries. We met in December and this December we went out in London and went to the same restaurant. I'd organized it because it was Christmas and the restaurant was convenient for where we were going. He suddenly came over all romantic about this being our real anniversary - I'd totally forgotten and had to pretend to keep up. Yet he'll then ignore something I thought was really important. It just changes all the time - I think that's the fun in relationships

10yrs on, we still mark the anniversary of our 1st date as well as our wedding anniversary. I'm sorry you're feeling let down OP, but I think deep down this is about more than a card or him not making an effort.

I should add that DH isn't perfect, our 1st Valentine's day he didn't even get me a card & I was quite hurt, so we talked about it & sorted it out.

OP I'm sorry that you're feeling down about this.

Myself and DP always do something special on the anniversary of our first date. Last year for example we went to Madrid, the year before to the Lake District. He always gives me a card with a heartfelt message in it, which matters far more than the holiday really. I'm lucky that he's as romantic as I am and I'd feel exactly like you did if my other half made no effort, especially one year in, when you're meant to be in the honeymoon stage of your relationship.

I certainly don't consider this "high maintenance" as a previous poster mentioned. If BOTH partners aren't bothered about marking anniversaries, fair enough, but if it matters to you and not to him then you really need to have a talk about expectations.