Found Porn on hubbys ipad website data

[cloudbuster]

Hi everyone, i just need your opinion/advice..So I looked on his ipad advanced website data and there are three porn sites on there but he says they are a 'shadow' from looking at it ages ago. The thing is i deleted all the porn from this list so i know its recent (last two weeks) - is it just pop ups? They are quite near the top of the list and there is 12 KB on each - what does this mean? Does anyone else have the ipad and know what im talking about? Has he been back on the porn site and i'm just being naive? where would a porn pop up come from? I am so sick of this, we have this row over and over...

I don't think anyone worth their salt will think that cloud.

Cloud - your going through a hellish time, you've made your thoughts clear to your DP and he has choosen to take the easy route and blatently ignore your feeling and lie about it.

I'm in a similarish situation - found out few months ago that DP been obsessively watching free internet porn everyday for a while and since then has continued to do so. He doesn't know i know, and i found out accidentally (not snooping).

Over the past 4 mths our sex life went from regular/ exciting to non existant/ dull. It became all focused on him, when he wants it, he rejects my advances. He became emtionally distant and we hardly spoke. He lost all joy in life and i'd say he was also depressed. He also started flirting with young pretty women on the rare occassions we went out. I can't put all this dpwn to porn though as his work contract ended in Sept and i think he has financial problems, but he hasn't felt able to share these with me. Its like sharing a house with a stranger.
Our situation is complex and i don't want to hog your thread. But despite the complexity of our relstionship i am convinced that his porn addiction is driving us further apart. tj

Hi ScottishPies,
thanks for replying.
Im so sorry that you are going through this. Do you have any idea of how/if you are going to approach this with your OH?
I think you are probably right that the porn is interfering with your sex life.In my previous experience it just went downhill and it does become very complicated and confusing. I questioned everything - was I jealous? Terrible in bed? Unadventurous? Selfish? Ugly? Old? And it isn't any of this. It's a desensitisation on their part because they are watching -sometimes very extreme- things. It's really difficult because sex and turn ons are such personal things so what one person would consider maybe a bit kinky or pleasurable, another might find tame, or conversely, too extreme.
I guess that's where communicating is so important.
In terms of what is happening in my current relationship, it is nowhere near that bad but I am also seeing some signs beginning, like you say, of more selfish behaviour and a less caring attitude.It's only slight but its there and i wasn't sure if its just that we've been together a while now or the porn thing. I really want to talk to my husband about it but I am so afraid it will just be a short version of previous rows ie i'm not looking at porn, stop looking at my computer.And that doesn't help anyone really. I just don't know what to do. And I don't want to tar all men with the same brush, it could well be that every few weeks he wants a quick shifty and the porn accelerates it and that's as far as it goes. I need to decide if I can be ok with that.
I hope your situation gets better for you. I wish I could give you some advice but I can give you my understanding xx

oh and please don't think you are hogging the thread! I didn't think this many people would answer so thats wonderful. I think I was originally asking about the ipad! But I value everyone's thoughts, it makes up the wonderful tapestry that is the internet and its nice to voice your thoughts sometimes in a safe and anonymous environment!

Thanks for your kind words. I'm out and about for the rest of the afternoon (looking at a house to rent andfirst counselling appt! ). Will post later.

It is good to get it out in the open though - this is only the second time i've mentioned it to anyone, though i'm sure it will come up in the counselling tonight. Am not sure why i kept it secret from people, i think i needed some time to get my head around it and be honest with myself about how i felt about the porn and all the other things that were happening.

Not sure if it is ok to put a kiss at the end of a post, but i'm going to do it anyway. x

I think it is difficult for you to make that assessment when he's not been/isn't being honest about it isn't it and that's the problem... The lack of honesty.

Honesty is crucial, I am beginning to see that more and more clearly.
Live and learn as they say!

But yes, I am feeling somewhat resentful because if there had been more honesty in the beginning, I more than likely would not be where I am now.However, these things are sent to try us, I suppose I will learn how to have a better conversation without rowing or something wonderful like that..

This afternoon was the first time I have entered a chat room as I feel the need for advise - counselling on so many things which I feel are going wrong within my marr/relationship , thank you girls for making me understand the female perspective - my short sightedness and this form of dialog may be a lot cheaper than counselling and in may cases more informative than most .

Start a thread stll you will get support you need.

cloud don't lose sight of your own values.

Hi Everyone.
Just a heads up I am not a mum so I won't be joining in long term on this forum but I think that you should take note. It seems that I am not alone and I ought to defend us chaps and for that matter mums and kids of all ages. If this can happen to me it can happen to anyone. This may be a new phenomena.

We had a very strange occurrance last night that has got me in a lot of trouble with my better half.

Apparently I was watching a porno vid or a looking at pictures contained in my iCloud account.

We were in two separate locations (We have two properties) - I was on my iMac minding my own business and my partner was elsewhere using her iPad which is linked (like most of my devices) to my iCloud account.

I have had a very heated and confusing discussion with her this morning when she accused me of the alleged offence - she made the assumption that I was viewing these images (in real time as I was supposedly "home alone") and doing what comes naturally as a result of such images. Pretty upsetting for both of us I am sure you will agree.

I have no idea how she could view these imagaes some distance away from me and I see nothing. I have scoured my photo streem on all but her device (she won't talk to me at the moment) I can not find any such images or video content.

No offenece to anyone that fits this description but Msturating Hairy Brunettes are not my sort of thing and I would like to know how this could have happened.

One clue is that in the past I have downloaded Mackeeeper and I am being forever plagued by this window popping up and trying to persuade me to upgrade - not only that I can not be sure that all of my Flash Player updates have come from a trusted source. I may well have Trojans or other forms of Malware originating from my iMac - we all use this and I have caught the odd image or two in my download folder in the past - but not recently.

I quite often get invitations to join certain subscription services or live streaming services of dubious repute - this may have something to do with various profiles that one is obliged fill out to join more legitimate services and forums. (male, divorced etc)

Malware and phishing episodes can contribute to random pop ups etc or redirection of websites but this episode is a new one on me. Hopefully a one off but it won't pacify my partner in the short term. I am embarrassed and confused and she is naturally upset and now has "trust" issues.

I have posted this message on another forums to get coverage I and I would be grateful if anyone can shed any light on this.
Many thanks Rob

So much denial on here it's gobsmacking to witness

Yeah I was just thinking the same. I wonder where the source is?
;-)

A friend of mine said something the other day about how they measure how healthy a friends relationship/marriage is by noting any differences in the behavior of said friend when in the presence of their partner.... it's actually a very good indicator, you can tell when a "friend" is being influenced by their partner. If you have to mould your partner into something you like, then that isn't a relationship.

Not directly related to original post but important none the less.

I can't really understand the issue with men looking at porn. It's seems to be a big issue for a lot of women on here but I really don't understand it. Providing it's fairly tame and they're not getting their kicks from under age, abusive, rape or other weird types of porn I don't really see the problem. All guys look at porn whether hey tell you they do or not.

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/6709646/All-men-watch-porn-scientists-find.html

Hi , its really not the end of the world.. its something you are uncomfortable with and I respect your view but try to keep a bit of perspective about it, he's your hubby and he loves you, he's being sneaky because he doesn't want to upset you..... is that so bad really ? 99.9% of the time I bet he doesn't give it a thought at least he's trying to be discreet about it. Enjoy your day and stop snooping and making yourself sick, its not worth it hun.

Who wants to be a with a dh who pervs either on line or in real life and wanks off to girls half his age.
It's not difficult to understand why this would upset some women and effect their self esteem.
Just as some men would be put out if their dw constantly swooned over men who were rich, tall, funny, charismatic and had a huge willy. And their dw were always masturbating thinking of these men?

Adayinthelife that article was very funny, I thought, thanks for sharing. However, the study was searching for men who had never seen any porn, not men who had seen it and decided they could live without it. Also, they conclude that all these men's sexual practises were completely normal and not influenced by their consumption of porn. I wonder how they could tell as they had no control group to compare it with?

OP of course there are men who don't watch porn. Lots of them too. People who judge everyone in the whole world based on themselves and their mates are living quite sheltered lives.

So, all you have to concern yourself with is how you feel about it. No-one has to have porn in their relationship if they don't want to.

It's very clear. You can accept it, or you can tell him that, for you, it's a deal breaker and you will be leaving. If he is prepared to let you go so that he can keep watching porn, that's fine. He has his own choices to make and that's all either of you can do.

It's going to come down to this: Do you trust him or not? Snooping really isn't good for you. Also, you can just watch porn in incognito/invisi mode that leaves no history or cookies. He doesn't have to delete any history, his computer or browser settings will just not log them.

After this if he doesn't want you to find evidence on him, you won't. Do you trust him to stop? (clearly not if you're snooping). Is this a deal breaker?

I don't see anything wrong if your partner looks at porn unless he isn't having a sexual relationship with you.then yes I would be mad.

Offred said; ''He decided that his views were superior to yours and that he was going to deprive you of your choice.''

OP had told hubbs to change what he had been doing, surely that is a case of her views being superior to his and him being deprived of his choice?

I don't think it's ok for either gender to lay the law down to the other. I also don't think constant snooping on each other is healthy. :(

And 12kb isn't worth thinking about, could have been just a banner advert scrolling across the top / bottom of a page.

This thread is nearly 4 months old. Think things have moved on since?

Most men probably use porn and a lot of them won't tell their partners or get caught. I stopped watching not for any moral reason just to see if I could really. It was actually kind of difficult, and my friends often considered me weird for doing so especially since I was single at the time.

I know a website which has over a 100,000 members where its mainly men and teenagers in the process of quitting porn. Of course this is men from all around the world so men that don't watch porn are few but they are out there.