Found Porn on hubbys ipad website data

[cloudbuster]

Hi everyone, i just need your opinion/advice..So I looked on his ipad advanced website data and there are three porn sites on there but he says they are a 'shadow' from looking at it ages ago. The thing is i deleted all the porn from this list so i know its recent (last two weeks) - is it just pop ups? They are quite near the top of the list and there is 12 KB on each - what does this mean? Does anyone else have the ipad and know what im talking about? Has he been back on the porn site and i'm just being naive? where would a porn pop up come from? I am so sick of this, we have this row over and over...

I'm not sure my views on porn are irrelevant. Perhaps had I not been clear before we got together then I might have more reason to accept it as part of our marriage, but we had extensive conversations about it and still do. Porn ruined my previous relationship of 7 years - not because I am some kind of jealous-no-confidence-sexually-repressed person, but because it ultimately led to real problems including erectile dysfunction, complete lack of interest in sex and when we did, it was very aggressive.
I realise there is a difference between the odd wank and obsessive use but its part of my history and experience.
So, yes, I did make the decision that I would rather be on my own and spent a long time single and porn was a big part of that decision.
During this time I did do a lot of soul searching and also research about pornography from all angles - both pro and anti - and, for me,for many reasons, it just isn't something I want around and I would have been happy to remain single.So I thought I had found a partner who, even if he did not agree with all of my thoughts, at least respected my opinion.(And he did agree with some of my thoughts.)
For the record, my issue with porn is not jealousy or feeling betrayed or that I think he will cheat or leave. When I see porn I see a young woman who is not old enough to truly know her own mind, putting her body through rigorous ordeals,risking her health and her future, who would hugely benefit from the man who is subjecting her to all sorts of degrading acts to give her a big hug and protect her, not spread her across the internet for men to have a shifty wank to. Porn fills me with sadness, it doesn't turn me on.

captainhindsight - Do calm down. Firstly why are you so bothered by me spelling the word p0rn? Secondly I really can't see the point of debating the undebatable. There will never be a statistic that satisfies you - all I am saying is that every man I have ever spoken to on the subject looks at p0rn. If you want to bury your head in the sand and keep on with this absurd cliche of 'real men don't look at p0rn' I'm perfectly happy for you to do so.

When did i say "real men" Father Jake - I'm not a daily mail reporter so please calm down dear. Do not put words in my mouth.

Because its Porn not p0rn and I am dubious as to why you insist on spelling it in such a way

Bury my head? I was simply providing information on research not just an opinion on a cross section of my peers.

"all I am saying is that every man I have ever spoken to on the subject looks at p0rn"

Says more about your company than anything.

I do think there are some men who don't look at porn. A mate of mine really cant stand it, he thinks its embarrassing and looks stinky!
Ha ha!

cloudbuster, thank you for your thoughtful response. When I said that your views are irrelevant what I really mean is that it will be very, very difficult to find a man who doesn't look at p0rn no matter what you say. You will find many men who respect your opinion and who even agree not to look at it, but to lay this down as a dealbreaker from day 1 is to either resign yourself to being single or to make your partner conceal it from you.

cloudbuster You are entitled not to be turned on my porn users, I would imagine its the same for a lot of women.

It does nothing for me, it would erode the respect I had for a partner and especially so if he was a a proven liar. Not qualities that that would make me weak at the knees.

You sound like you have standards and ethics, incredibly attractive qualities in a partner IMO.

I hope you find the adult relationship you deserve, not every man out there retains the emotional and sexual maturity of a 15 year old.

Tawse I'm quite happy to 'lose' a man that looks at porn.

It's nothing to do with finding women's bodies attractive and having a sexuality. It's an ethical objection to the abuse of women's bodies and the effect porn watching has on men's ideas about sex. Also about the undermining of the principal of consent by monetary transactions.

If you want to watch porn man up and say so and allow me to choose to dump you. There is no forcing it underground in a respectful relationship.

I haven't found it particularly difficult to find men who share my objections to porn. Yes, they could be lying, like they could be lying about a lot of things but that'd be their weakness not mine and I think I'm better placed to judge my partner's character than a stranger on the Internet.

Actually Offred I don't think you are better placed, you are too close to your subject. People will say an awful lot to please their partners and I have no doubt that morally they may well believe what they say. But they still look at p0rn.

Are you not talking to me FatherJake?

I'm not stupid thanks. I'm aware people lie, about a lot of things, as I said. If someone truthfully shared my objections they wouldn't be turned on by porn and wouldn't therefore want to watch it.

Of course I'm better placed than an internet stranger who has never met my partners to understand their characters.

I'm not so helplessly emotionally invested in any relationship with any man that I'd be so blind to any of their weaknesses. You'd have to have a very superficial relationship to not notice. Apart from anything else you can tell men who watch porn from men who don't by the way they have sex IME.

I'm not sure why you're so keen to extrapolate yours and your mates' inadequacies to all men... oh wait, is it so you don't feel quite so inadequate?

''Apart from anything else you can tell men who watch porn from men who don't by the way they have sex IME.''

I agree.

Oh no, wait. Don't they all watch porn? ;)

Captainhindsight, in fact all of you, I think i've said all there is that needs saying so that's me out. You are subscribing to a very old fashioned and cliched view of p0rn watchers v non-p0rn watchers. Furthermore there are also so many different types, styles, grades and genres of p0rn that for someone to say that none of it turns them on is just plain silly.

For every guy flipping his wife over and wanting to re-enact a scene he's just been salivating over on youp0rn there are 100 men who look at p0rn but are able to have fulfilling and enjoyable relationships with women. And one of them is no doubt your respective partner/husband.

Don't let the d0or hit you on the way out......

I find it amusing that people who defend their use of porn as being innocent and normal have to spell it incorrectly in the hope it cannot be found that they were writing about it on a forum.

Buzzardbird Keylogger? I think so.....

Hooray, more wise works from FatherJake. I first thought your name was chosen because you are a Dad, now I realise it's your title oh oracle.

What truly interests me though is how you find time to watch porn and conduct such highly accurate, scientific research on men and porn use? I mean, you even have those funny little symbols in your work (%). I wish I wasn't so busy cleaning spunk from every room in the house to further my education and discover what that means?!

My DH likes his socks ironing, me to only wear a balcony bra and crotchless panties when cleaning and insists I press play on the DVD player before I get on all fours, whilst he uses me as a foot rest as he knocks one out over a much prettier girl than myself...oh his charming little quirks. He works so hard to provide for me though so I'm more than happy to help and make sure he's not stressed. I'm going to get my boobs done soon as he would rather I look like some of the girls on his videos. I'm also practising my faking skills as they are far too inferior to those wonderfully talented girls who love sex so much they chose to do it all day.
To think-I must be so special that he chose to live with me over one of those sex loving hotties. I have struck gold.

Tawse will understand...I just want him to be happy!

OP, I will echo the views of the sensible ones who have already posted. It is for you and your OH to decide what the boundaries in your relationship are.
Your OH has agreed to one of yours but has chosen to break it (whether stopping porn use is beyond his abilities or not) so now it's up to you what the consequences are.
If you want a respectful relationship where neither of you lie, then maybe this is a deal breaker?
If he knew he intended to continue to watch porn, he should have told you you aren't one of those "cool, sexually liberated" women then and broke it off. He didn't, he lied. It's the lying that shows his true character, not his porn use.

I'm so sorry you are faced with this after your past experiences. It sounds like your OH may not be the man you gave him credit for

why is being fucked from behind not something women enjoy? Why would you do something to your partner that they didn't enjoy?

See that's how you distinguish porn users from non-porn users on the whole. Sex for them has become an entirely selfish experience dictated by what they can do to their partner. Often they have these beliefs that women are frigid and need to be goaded or coerced into things they don't want to do without realising that women (or anyone really) are often perfectly normal sexuality wise, they just aren't turned on by selfish male orientated sex being the only thing on offer. IME anyway.

Of course sex can often be selfish anyway but IME the porn users, particularly heavy porn users have trained themselves to only experience sex from their own perspective.

This is really quite poo.
I'm irritated because I am now having to deal with this issue AGAIN when I was very clear in the first place. I feel a little bit tricked. And now I will look like a right mentalist if I leave because it will be 'you left your marriage, your home and broke up your family because he watched a little bit of porn?? All men watch porn. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you'.
OF COURSE THEY LOVE YOU!!! What's not to love? They have to only pay half the bills, get their house cleaned, meals cooked, dogs walked, sex on tap and their stupid little ego's boosted by wanking over some 18 year old in secret and aren't they so clever because they got one over on YOU!
Fuck.

Sorry I was just ranting.

I guess what I was trying to say rather inarticulately is that you are right, it's the lying that hurts more.

What a foul response, JM

He he :)