Found Porn on hubbys ipad website data

[cloudbuster]

Hi everyone, i just need your opinion/advice..So I looked on his ipad advanced website data and there are three porn sites on there but he says they are a 'shadow' from looking at it ages ago. The thing is i deleted all the porn from this list so i know its recent (last two weeks) - is it just pop ups? They are quite near the top of the list and there is 12 KB on each - what does this mean? Does anyone else have the ipad and know what im talking about? Has he been back on the porn site and i'm just being naive? where would a porn pop up come from? I am so sick of this, we have this row over and over...

Sorry OP, but I can't see someone both having multiple porn DVDs to chuck away and 'not being that into it'. I think he was lying from the start about the extent of his porn use.

"just because I have this view on porn doesn't mean every one else does".
I agree with this. He is not leaving it lying around for you to find. It need not impact you at all, if you didn't go through his history. Obviously he should not have lied about it though.

Of course prima facie that's a truism majestic. However by making that statement in this context he meant 'this is my view and it is more important than yours'

In the same way, a partner demanding a porn ban against the others wishes is saying 'this is my view and it is more important than yours'
Perhaps his view is that porn use is quite a private thing, and need not actually affect any other person.

"Perhaps his view is that porn use is quite a private thing, and need not actually affect any other person"

Then it should have been discussed maturely at the time, not lied about.

I cant stand liars, even worse than porn users IMO.

His porn use may not affect the OP, but I still don't think it's ok if it's something she's totally anti on and a deal breaker.

To illustrate what I mean, I'm anti racsist and if I found out my husband wasn't, even if it didn't affect me, it'd be a deal breaker.

Oh, and I'm a porn lover brw so my view isn't clouded by an objection to porn.

People in relationships are entitled to set boundaries, partners are entitled to decide whether to abide by them or leave. To smash boundaries on the 'what you don't know can't hurt' principle shows a blatant disregard for their partner and becomes more about that than whatever the original issue was imo

Having an objection to porn which is fundamentally important to you is nothing to do with 'banning porn'. He didn't have to continue his relationship with the op knowing how she felt, nor did he have to make such a grand gesture.

All that's being expected here is some honesty, communication and respect.

If he loves porn and thinks most women don't feel the way the op does, the correct thing is to go and find someone who shares his values not lie to his partner about who he is and then call her unreasonable when she discovers he's been lying.

EVERYTHING Offred said.

Just want to say that not watching porn when one enjoys it is very difficult. For obvious reasons it is tempting. Not at all in the same way as an other woman might be, but in the same way as not picking up that bit of chocolate that is RIGHT in front of you. Really really hard.

I understand totally people having issues with it but I just couldn't commit to not watching it in the same way that I couldn't commit to living on a diet forever.

I had a boyfriend who was unhappy with me watching it, so I really tried not to but occasionally I would slip up. However I would always tell him. Mainly because I knew I could without him blowing up in my face and that would help me stay away from it the next time.

It's really hard when you enjoy it.

Like people say though, it's about communication. I could tell my ex. He tried to be understanding, so I would try harder not to. I think it is quite unrealistic to expect someone who has enjoyed it not to watch it ever.

He shouldn't be lying though.

It is difficult to cover up any part of yourself that is important to you but not acceptable to your partner.

That's why the honesty, respect and communication are so important.

Imagine if the op had refused to trust her partner's assertion that he was giving up porn because it wasn't that important to him...

It wouldn't have been healthy for her to have taken that approach. In a relationship you need to trust your partner to be responsible for themselves. He has erred in deliberately giving her the impression that he was giving up when he wasn't. That isn't her fault.

He's carried on with the porn since and further to that has now taken the attitude that it is her fault for not realising that he didn't mean what he said because her view is apparently so unreasonable no-one could expect it to be respected - either by living up to what he made a big show of promising or by deciding this was something they were incompatible on and he should find someone else more compatible.

I am not at all saying that it is her fault. The openness and understanding from both sides should have come from the start. He is the one that has continued to lie, I totally understand that.

I have an iPad that is used by me alone. A while ago I hd a look at the internet data - there were sites showing up there (including porn/dating ones) that I have never visited. I think that if a site you view has pop ups or linked ad's it will show up in that data section. It is nothing like the history on a laptop/PC and is not a list of sites you have actively viewed.

Huge percentage of women underestimate the importance - yes, the importance - of porn to men.

Just because a man looks at porn it does not mean that he is cheating or is going to cheat. Men are turned on by looking at women sexually and men think about sex almost constantly - NOTHING that you or any woman can do will change this. NOTHING. It is the result of a few hundred thousand years of evolution.

Men get pleasure and happiness from looking at women - be it in the street, the office, the shops or online. Nothing is going to change this. Your man is not a freak for looking at porn. He is normal.

Now, you can do one of two things about this:

1. You can go into denial and get on some feminist high-horse about being betrayed, think up a 101 silly things about how evil he is, yadda, yadda, yadda, have huge rows with him, make him feel miserable, awful, resentful, angry and just keep driving that wedge between you.

Sooner than you think he will switch off from your relationship and before you know it will have walked out of the door never to return.

Don't think that your next man will be any different - frankly, the men who don't look at porn at the ones to be worried about!

1. Realise that men enjoy looking at women. That men are curious about women's bodies and get pleasure from looking - heck, they all were leafing through the Gratton or Kays catalogue lingerie section before they were 10 or 11. This is what men do. This is something that gives men pleasure - it gives YOUR man pleasure.

You want your man to be happy don't you?

So do what most sane, sensible and emotionally intelligent women who are comfortable about sexuality and who are physically and emotionally safe in their relationships do - just let your man enjoy his porn.

Yep, let him have some fun.

Hey, you could even start looking at it with him. Direct him to some of the classier - of which there is an awful lot out there - porn and show him things that You enjoy. Ask him what he likes about such and such - you might be surprised at what you learn about him.

It might benefit the both of you.

So abuse him or lose him - your choice.

Bullshit.

It's a choice.

Could not agree more with Tawse57. I don't know any guy, not one, who doesn't look at p0rn. I love all the comments that always appear on here along the lines of 'my hubby watched it a few times when he was young but just doesn't like it, he prefers the real thing!' Of course he prefers the real thing but he also still watches p0rn.

And your views on p0rn are utterly irrelevant. By telling him how strongly you feel you have forced him 'underground'. Of course he lied to you. But he lied for a quiet life and because he knows that every man looks at p0rn and it would be a ridiculous thing to lose a wife over.

What are you going to do? Find a man who doesn't look at p0rn? Good luck. If you somehow manage to find one I'm betting he's an oddball....

After that mansplaination it suddenly all makes sense! Men (real men that is, not just 0ddball men) are conditioned by evolution to objectify women and get their kicks by watching others have sex. I need to accept that my role, when out in public is to look pretty and sexually attractive for men.
Also, no point in wanting a mutually respectful relationship with shared values. I just need to get off my feminist high horse and know my place .

Women! Know your place!

Because some fuckwit on the Internet told you.

Porn doesn't "just pop up" while surfing the internet. I know that much. (I worked for an internet co. but not tech related).

It never does on mine. Or ever heard anyone complain about it.

Has it ever popped up at work? On your child's? At their school projects? At the local hospital?

No, mine neither.

Find a man who doesn't look at p0rn? Good luck. If you somehow manage to find one I'm betting he's an oddball....

Wow. You live in a strange world. You must be one of them.

I would bet that out of an average 50% males out of 7 billion people (barring babies etc.) in the world not all men are hung up on pOrn (thank god).

(you just need to get out more....).

You said 'hung up on p0rn', that's not what I said. Looking at something and being hung up on it are very different.

Nothing in my post suggested that women should know their place. I am simply pointing out that almost every single man with access to the internet looks at p0rn.

I do live in a strange world but like it or not that's the world we all live in. And most men in it look at p0rn.

Gee, where would we little ladies be without the all-knowing men to tell us how it really is and how they know our partners better than we do. Tossers of the world unite - literally.

It's a wonder any of them ever get anything done, what with all that cock-fiddling to porn, poor ickle things, slaves to their testosterone they are, we should feel sorry for them really .

Meanwhile, back in the real world.....

You can be as sarcastic or as rude as you like but my point still stands. Almost all men with access to the internet look at p0rn. It is up to you how you deal with that fact.

Here's a clip from Mitchell & Webb to illustrate my point.

tawse57 Are you aware of the studies where men and women were shown sexual images and the responses in the brain were exactly the same? The only difference was men were more vocal about the state of arousal they experienced.

Women are as respondent to visual stimuli as men, that is fact.

Father Jake - this is an adult website, just because the parental filters on your machine wont let you type porn is not an excuse. Also, could you tell me what divine power you have that allows you to collect and conclude the sexual behaviour habits of "all men"? -

"Direct him to some of the classier - of which there is an awful lot out there - porn"
so.many.oxymorons

cannot.comprehend.