Definetly from another planet!!

[Isheforreal]

My dh is always stopping of at the pub on the way home from work and comes in at varying times.7,7.30,8 sometimes midnight has been known to be so drunk,could,nt get a taxi and slept in the car waking me up at 5.10am the other saturday to let him in.He never answers his phone when I ring him up to find out how long he will be.
We have 2 children who are 5 and 3 and they have a great relationship with their dad.Me on the other hand go from thinking ok he likes a drink but he has never been unfaithful,he is a great dad,he works,he has never been physically violent.Then I have my down days when he lets me down all over again after he has promised to come home from work and have dinner with us and make an efort.I am left feeling disappointed,heartbroken for the children,used,a doormat you name it.

Tonights example he came home in a taxi at 8.30,children in bed and just annouced "oh sorry had a few beers again."
I have been up with the children since 6am and he missed seeing them before their bedtime and they are now starting to ask at dinnertime "will daddy be late again tonight."

He then looked on his e mails and had got a friend to send him a download of a song I like.Really sweet thing to do I know but I am afraid I did'nt show much appreciation due to the fact he had let me down agan.
Anyway he goes on to say shall we take the laptop upstairs and listen to the album and make love.
Bearing in mind he has had a few drinks and I am not happy at him coming home late ,first day of the week and normally means I 'll have a whole week of this again to contend with.
Then he gets annoyed and storms off upstairs because I say I am not in the mood.
What is it with men,obviously led by their manhood.I can't seem to get through to him that I am so fed up and unhappy with this drinking situation never knowing where I am from day to day.He can't see any wrong in what he does.He is acting like he is single and has no responsibilites,he is 45 for gods sake.

I am 40 this year and life begins at 40 so they say ,I don't want to settle for this life with dh for years to come and more importantly I don't want that for my children.
Have read some of the other relationship threads and am in awe at the people involved for staying strong through difficult times.
Which made me ask the qustion.

Am I overeacting ,should I be happy with my lot?

fanjo-sometimes I wonder if I should leave just as you say to see if that would make him realise what he is doing but I don't know were I would go without getting the family involved in some way or upsetting the children.
Ds is very vunrable at the moment and am worried this would upset him and his progress.

jellyjelly-I am sure I would have plenty of eviidence as he is in the same pub most nights but whether the people in there would vouch for that is another thing.

He has just sent me an e mail saying sorry and he knows this has to stop today.He also said in capital letters let's start from this evening.
I am very cynical and wondering if this is just his hangover,self pity state that he is feeling this morning.

Either way if you split people get hurt, yo stay together people will get hurt. Do you want to try and end the suffering and start again?

Why dont you see if he wil get back early?, Have you done empty threats? Will a threat to leave help or to chuck him out.

Lots of people see my x in the pub every evening but the wont stand up so you have to record it.

ps how is your head>?

jellyjelly-I still had a headache when I woke up this morning,but has started to fade.Thanks for asking.

I would like to think in an ideal world that I could start again but I am not sure I could do it on my own.I know pleanty of people do my own sister did with 4 children,and you yourself seem to be managing so well.But I except as with my sister you put on a brave face for everyone else .

I would think from experience he will be home on time tonight but it's no good every now and then.
As for me threatening to leave he knows I don't really have anywhere to go and as for chucking him out this house was bought by his dad for my ds.It is in trust until he is older.So I could'nt really chuck him out and would'nt feel right as his dad bought it.

how are you for real? Do you feel better?

Hi jellyjelly-How are you,hope you are ok.

DH came back straight from work on Thursday and Friday we took ds to his appointment and I told dh I did'nt want him going out this friday night and he stayed in.

Today we have been busy orgainising for my birthday party tomorrow and we had a lot of shopping to do.He was in a right mood this morning and I nearly called off the whole party thing.When we got back the children were playing up and I had a lot to do to get the house ready for tomorrow.He was really stressed and criticising everything I or the children did.
He cleared out the garage of his empty beer bottles loaded the car and said he was going to the bottle bank and would be 5 mins.I asked if the children could go with him so I could get on with some jobs and he said no and drove off.This was 3.45pm and he is still not back.

He knows how stressed I am about tomorrow and how much there is to do and I can't believe he has just gone off on one today and left it all to me.He has spoilt my birthday even before it starts.The children keep asking when he will be back and no doubt he will be in no fit state to help ot when he does get back.He has left his mobile at home so I can't get in touch with him.
So on top of everything he will have a hangover tomorrow which was meant to be my da .I wonder if he is jealous of the relationship I have with my family,we don't see much of each other but we are close.He has a strained relationship with his family so maybe he is out to spoil my day.
It would have been my dad's birthday tomorrow as well (he died in 1997) so it is an emotioal time for me anyway.

This is the final straw,he obviously is just a nasty piece of work with no thought to how I might be feeling.His mother did'nt even send me a birthday card,she never does and that really hurts,especially as my own mother died in 1993 so I wished I had a closer relationship with her.

Well I will just have to put on a brave face tomorrow and pretend everything is ok for the sake of the children and my family,don't know how I am going to get through it I will just have to.

I hope you do have a lovely or had a lovely birthday. Sending you a big happy birthday - i hope you stuff your face with lovely things. What time did he finally arrive back and what were his reasons, if he took the car how did he get back.?

Hope you are copign well, as always thinking of you.

Ps things are good - i cleared out almost all of his stuff.

I get it, Happy birthday for today!!!!

I understnad about how annoying it is for them to try and do something else on your birthday - x tried to get another stag do on my birthday. How Selfish. i kept that email for ages so i could remember what a arse he wasand that he didnt want to spend it with me.

isheforeal I do hope that you are having a very happy troublefree birthday.

To be frank your situation sounds a nightmare, jellyjelly has given you loads of great advice. I do hope that you can find the strength to get out soon as it sounds terrible.

How was your birthday?

Thanks everyone for your birthday wishes.
I had a lovely day,the weather was fab and all my family and the children had a great time.
Really relaxed day and DH was the perfect host and I even managed to have a dance around with my big sisters .We dug out all the old favourite tunes and had a trip down memory lane.

Dh bought me a big bouquet of flowers and other nice pressies and I had breeakfast in bed.
He even managed to get straight home last night.

It was an emotional day as well for me and my sisters as it would have been our dad's birthday as well and dh was upset as well and thanked my sisters for coming and making it a nice day for me.

Not sure if dh has taken all this on board now and realised how close me and my family are and maybe he might have realised that if I needed them my family would rally round and help me and that maybe I am not so trapped as I thought if things between us keep going wrong.
Fingers crossed.

I am glad you had a good day and i do hope that he apprecaites what a top woman you are and that you know we are here if things do go amiss. Goodluck

how are you for real?