H won't go- stepped up the manipulation another level

[PPaka]

Beginning of Nov I told him to leave, he said he won't go, said we can fix things
He's a liar, cheat. Whores, strippers, fwb.
I cannot forgive or forget what he's done.
He was supposed to have found somewhere by now, I've been at my parents
He has threatened suicide
On Wed, he text me to tell me he thought he was having a heart attack, I was 5 hours away
The hospital is 10 minutes
He went to work yesterday, wouldn't go to hospital last night
Supposedly taking himself now
But all huffy and big sighs, presumably because I'm showing no emotion, didnt even go up the stairs

He's a liar, the things he's lied about before are shocking.
I have to keep telling myself it's just another controlling manipulative method
But it's so hard

Can you help me through this

Who owns the house?

Dc involved? Might be better for you to go instead. I had to when my ex threatened suicide. He also upped it. Started making half hearted attempts. I had to leave and change my number.

If he says he's having a heart attack, call an ambulance to wherever he is. If he threatens to commit suicide, wait until he actually attempts it and then call an ambulance ot wherever he is.

Get the idea into his head that these are serious illnesses and that you are in no way able to fix them. He needs a medical professional.

Please read THIS thread. Should give you a fair idea of a) how common this is, part of The Script, and b) coping mechanisms others have employed for this type of emotional blackmail.

The supposed heart attack & any similar suggestions of life threatening illnesses are part and parcel of the same thing, ways to tug at your heartstrings & let him back in.

The simple fact that he didn't get himself to hospital right away but left it a whole day including going to work, should be enough proof that it's just another of his lies.

We own house jointly
I don't have any funds to leave or anywhere to go
Family is hours away

He's at the hospital now

My manipulative ex used to pull the "I'm having a heart attack" routine whenever I said something that he didn't like. Wanker. As a previous poster said, part of the script.

Not nice I know but when my extremely violent ex tried both if these I asked him to wait while I made popcorn and sat down to watch.

I do not recommend this approach though as obviously it can turn very nasty. Mine just called me an unfeeling bitch and walked out in a strop. To be fair after ten years of beating me he probably realised that beating me up for taking the piss wouldn't have any effect.

A lot of them do it. It's as if they don't know what will happen when you find out about the lying and cheating and tell them to leave.

On a side note I called the police to the one time the threatened suicide and they got him sectioned.

Is the divorce process underway? Do you have a good solicitor? Hope he recovers from what ails him but don't let it divert you from your objective.

So they are doing tests

Possible blood clot
He flew long haul last week, that's the first thing they'd check

Now what do I do?

It doesn't make any difference to the split whether he's sick or well does it?

Nothing-absolutely nothing.

As far as you are concerned you are seperated but living in the same house.
Heartless but perhaps you non action will get the message across

How do you know this, OP? Are you at the hospital with him?

Just having visions of him texting from the hospital cafe, trying to make you sweat.

Even if it's true, you did not give him a blood clot an it has no bearing on your split.

You could always tell him to ask one of his hookers/FWBs/stippers to visit with the grapes... :)

Does he have an up to date will? Life insurance?

If he has a blood clot he will be kept in for treatments for a few days with anticoagulants. Nothing you can do that is appropriate for a lying cheating partner.

Suggest that he moves into a houseshare so he's not alone should something medical happen

Ignore him OP. Even if there is something wrong with him. It'll send him a clear message I should think.

He's expecting me to go to the hospital, so he probably is there
I think there's also a possibility that he's doing this for time off work
I hate saying that out loud.

An ex wife would show some sympathy surely?

I have seen solicitor but not started anything yet. Was hoping he'd go quietly and quickly

Only the sympathy you'd show for any sick person. He showed you no sympathy when he was with his whores, strippers and FWBs did he? No hospital visits. This is a power game now and rushing to his side will make him feel he has power over you.

Get the solicitor to draw up the papers. It won't make him worse.

Ignore him.

Not your problem any more.

An ex wife would show some sympathy surely? ummmm NO

where was his sympathy and understanding of you when he was with his fbw whores and strippers.

Treat him just as he has treated you. Please do not get sucked in to this drama.

Ignore

Yeah, I think I'll just go back to solicitor and start the process

Yes don't get sacked in to hospital things. He's just good hands.

Show sympathy all you want.. just keep it polite and via other none in the flesh means.

*sucked

Good choice. You have shown him sympathy by answering his phone calls after treating you so awfully for years.