H won't go- stepped up the manipulation another level

[PPaka]

Beginning of Nov I told him to leave, he said he won't go, said we can fix things
He's a liar, cheat. Whores, strippers, fwb.
I cannot forgive or forget what he's done.
He was supposed to have found somewhere by now, I've been at my parents
He has threatened suicide
On Wed, he text me to tell me he thought he was having a heart attack, I was 5 hours away
The hospital is 10 minutes
He went to work yesterday, wouldn't go to hospital last night
Supposedly taking himself now
But all huffy and big sighs, presumably because I'm showing no emotion, didnt even go up the stairs

He's a liar, the things he's lied about before are shocking.
I have to keep telling myself it's just another controlling manipulative method
But it's so hard

Can you help me through this

I'm glad he's gone; are the children back at school today? Try to get some rest now. Then evaluate what you need to do to secure your position. Think of it as protecting the children, which it is.

Ignore him. He will no doubt develop a few terminal illnesses, promise you the earth and so on. None of it is worth attention.

Stay strong.

He had no sympathy for you when he was with whores & strippers. Not an ounce of respect for you, and the relationship between the 2 of you. What does he want now? The ongoing comfort of a home and a wife to 'do' for him, whilst he gets on with his sordid 'outside' life? If the whores and the fwb were more important than his marriage I suggest he gets dialling so as to have them flock to his hospital bed in his hour of need. Yawwwwwn re. the usual script though. Manipulative nonsense, I remember when my whoring gambling abusive ex actually (very carefully) put a rope around his neck and stood in my peripheral vision telling me he was going to hang himself as I wanted rid of him. This was 7 years ago he is still very much alive and whinging - but not to me, thankfully...not my problem :)

Well if he hactually does have a heart attack and dies or commit suicide will make staying in the house easier

Tell him that

and then he will realise you really dont care!!!

Back to school tomorrow
So one last day out

Need the routine and normality back

GS- he's said that himself
He's threatened suicide in the context of "if he can't live with us , then he'd rather be dead"
But also, "we'll, I've been such an c"unt, the least I could do is kill myself and you can have the insurance money"

Then he'd better get on with checking his policy's suicide clause in case there's a waiting period

Insurers don't usually pay out for suicides, mores the pity

Yep, suicide won't help anyone, but luckily he isn't going to do it. It's just a threat to get you worried and to keep himself right in the centre of you attention.

Happily, you are far too busy having one last day out with ds before school returns.

Tomorrow? oh what a multitude of possibilities you have before you! Change the house a bit - move furniture around, paint a wall a different colour, get new bedding that YOU like which you would never have chosen before as he wouldn't like it...... the choices are endless. It's symbolic of a new beginning, so try to do something no matter how small.

Had great day with ds
Felt truly happy singing with him in the car

Then came home realised the roof is leaking do was in the phone for an hour
Then on phone to bank for half an hour, completely unnecessary- stupid inefficient systems

But now I'm on my couch, watching what I want, eating what I want
Jux- I think I will change the furniture around, just taken tree and decs down, so good opportunity

You sound so much more positive now! When someone like your H leaves, it's like a cloud lifting and it's as if you never realised how dark it has been and for how long. The changes you make now will give you the strength to see this through to the end, and your freedom.

So glad you had a good day. Yes yes to taking advantage of taking the tree down - perfect!

Hope you get a good rest tonight. Tomorrow's another day; new beginnings can be a bit rollercoasterish, but can be fun, empowering, exciting.

Hang in there and enjoy the new road you've set your feet upon.

Really pissed off
He's phoned 3 times, "to speak to ds"
And just sent me texts saying he loves me blah blah

I am ignoring, but it's not fair
I just want him to leave me alone

Time for a new sim card

Yep, agree with RandomMess. Change of number for you.

Have you changed the locks, front and back?
I wouldn't put it past him to come snooping round.
You have done brilliantly, what a strong person you are.
It is going to be your year upwards and onwards.

I need to check with the solicitor about changing locks and reasonable contact
I need to just keep the peace for the time being
Talking to ds 3 times a day isn't reasonable is it?

No, it's not reasonable.

You can get a new sim card, or ask to have a new number. And maybe get a cheap PAYG phone for DS, which you turn on only for about 1 hour per day, or at set times during the week if he wants to talk to him.

No, talking to DS 3 times a day is not reasonable. Especially since he hasn't seemed all that bothered before.

Once a day is quite enough, and it should be at a time of your choosing, to fit in with your DS's routines. It sounds as if your STBX is trying to play the 'wonderful, engaged dad' card. All part of the script.

Sometimes you just might be too busy to answer the phone, or not have a free hand, or be out! I miss calls just taking out the trash... or having a shower, brushing my teeth, and I'm not trying to avoid anyone.

New sim. Keep the current one though just for him, so you won't even need to tell him you've got a new one. Then he can text to his heart's content without bothering you.

Text him back reiterating that you are now separated and ask him to stop contacting you. Keep all his texts, keep records of any contact you have with him. You say he is controlling and manipulative, so this is important, as he is likely to become unpleasant when he can't manipulate you into doing what he wants any more. If he does, do not hesitate to tell the police.

Have you been to the solicitor yet? Get those papers drawn up and served.

Ex talks to the older DDs several times a day and they text, but they are 16 and 11.

How old is your DS? Is he old enough to have his own phone, just a £10 one that you keep in the house for ex to call him on? That way he has no reason to contact you other than to arrange contact. If you say to him that in order to avoid misunderstandings you want to arrange contact via email or text then he has no reason to call you at all. Of course he will, but as long as you dont answer, he cant do anything about it.

He's only 6
He doesn't know daddy's gone yet
It's actually quite difficult because he really isn't interested in talking to him, and I'm having force him a bit
A new sim means a new number doesn't it?
I've had my number for 10 years!

He won't accept that we're separated, he started to tell me before that he was sure he could fix it

Why/how did I get myself involved in this
It's so fucked up

6 is old enough for him to have his own mobile that you keep at home for Daddy to call him on. But given that he doesnt want to talk to Daddy I would make sure that you say (in earshot of the phone) "Daddy is on the phone, do you want to talk to him?" and if he says no you can then say "Sorry, he doesnt want to talk to you right now, you can call just before bed at Xpm if you want to try again, goodbye".

And yes, it does mean a new number, so your alternative is an email saying that you will only accept calls for him to speak to your son as Xpm every day and that you will only discuss contact arrangement by text or email and that you will not answer calls from him. Then, when you dont answer or respond to calls/texts/emails about anything else, he will eventually get the message.

If you want to keep your number, then do as Bogeyface suggests. He'll still call and text whenever he wants to, but you will have told him not to keep calling, so you will have grounds to get other agencies involved if it comes to it.

Of course, he may cooperate! We live in hope

Can you block his number on your phone? My iPhone 5s has that option and it can be set so that a blocked number won't go to voice mail, either. You could tell STBX that he can call his son at a specific time, then unblock his number at that time for maybe a half hour for him to call. Or tell him that you will dial the phone for your DS at a specific time for him to speak to his father. And I agree to let him overhear when his son says he doesn't want to speak to him. I think that, itself, speaks volumes. My DH worked out of town when our DS2 was that age and he would practically bowl me over to get to the phone to talk to his dad. For your DS to not care to talk to his father reinforces that you have done the right thing!