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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 67

999 replies

MasterP0 · 03/01/2014 12:15

.......we are a busy bunch aren't we hahahaha!

New Thread Alert the other ones has reached maximum capacity!

HERE'S TO A FUN FILLED, LOVE FILLED & SEX FILLED 2014!!!!

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 12/01/2014 08:31

I'd have replied as you have Tiger. Did he respond?

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 12/01/2014 08:38

How specific was the stuff he referenced from earlier texts? How are you today/what are you up to this evening is a pretty common text between people seeing each other.

Have you established that you are exclusive together?

dontcallmehon · 12/01/2014 08:58

Guys it's been awful. My ex saw me and geeky out and started causing issues. This might split us up. We've both been crying.

MasterP0 · 12/01/2014 09:04

Dont OMG! So sorry? Why would it split you up? Can you share background and what was said?? (((CUDDLES)))

Hi Tiger has it all been resolved?

OP posts:
MasterP0 · 12/01/2014 09:14

One that's a relevant question!!!!!!!!!!!

Life would be sooooo my much easier if 1. You met, 2. You likey, 3. You became exclusive!!! Pretty sure that's how it was when I was a teenager!!!! Dating has become a a flippen obstacle course, FFS!!!!! morning rant

OP posts:
OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 12/01/2014 09:46

Don't sorry to hear you've had a bad evening....the thread is here if you need to share.

The flipside to that though Master (dating being more complicated), is that we are all more sexually liberated and can enjoy non-committal sex without being judged as a ho, though, and the whole spectrum of relationships from ONS/f-buddy/fwb/open/casual/exclusive are all acceptable by society! It just takes honest communication between all parties involved so as to not hurt each other. And not texting the wrong person when you are multi-dating, as it sounds like Tiger's guy might have done!

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 12/01/2014 09:47

probably should have added /committed to the end of that list of relationship options!

FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 12/01/2014 09:49

Im still smiling. Would it be bad to dtd on date 2?

Tiger...any response to your text?

Dont...oh no! How has it been left?

Master....just read your Mr Wales post...ooerrr! So what next?

TheCrow · 12/01/2014 09:58

Text Mr Mixed Signals again last night as he's always been a bit iffy at replying and still nothing, know there was no excuse last night so deleted his number. Wanted to demand a reason why he decided to suddenly ignore me but know I'd just feel worse as he'd ignore that too! Feeling pretty crap and lonely though, think it's hitting home that I don't really know anyone outside work so opportunities to meet people 'in the real world' are low.

kscience · 12/01/2014 10:09

Crow Brew onwards and upwards dear

Don't Brew ex being an ar$e should not be enough to split you two up

Flora smiliy is good, and go with the flow and do whatever feels right for YOU. It has taken me a LONG time to get to the stage where I don't give a stuff what other people would do and just live my life how I want to.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 12/01/2014 10:30

Hate to add to an already pretty down thread this morning, but I am feeling particularly crap and lonely this morning too. Mr BBC has cancelled 2nd date this afternoon with a bit of a flimsy excuse although wants to rearrange. Bit peeved as I would have arranged to see someone else today, but not going to arrange a date last minute, and I put off 2 friends who will have made alternative plans now. I don't want to be that friend that asks other people to cheer her up all the time. Meh. So this week have been on 3 first dates; and none of them have stopped me from thinking about housemate guy. Stupid brain. I miss the ease of that companionship, and I still feel just really stupid that I thought it was going so well and mystified as to what it was that he didn't see/feel, given how he was with me and the things he said/did before the u-turn.

Trying to think of what I want to do by myself today, that won't make me just feel sad that I'm not doing it with housemate guy, or just with someone! Pathetic.

kscience · 12/01/2014 10:52

One day you are NOT pathetic.

You are allowed to wallow, but give yourself a cut off point then no more.
Call your friends and say you are now free did they still want to go out??? But do not feel like they are cheering you up, feel like you are going out with your pals and enjoying life.

MadeMan · 12/01/2014 11:04

Readers' most hated online dating cliches this time.

Link - Readers most hated cliches

MasterP0 · 12/01/2014 11:08

OneDay agree with your thoughts re:sexual liberation! DEAR GOD IM BACK TO BEING HORNY.......THIS is exactly why I need/want dick on tap, could've really done with some morning glory!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flora I personally think there's NOTHING wrong with dtd on 1st date, the only thing that stops me from giving it up so quickly is the boys (note I said boys, NOT men) can sometimes be judgemental, how immature?? and I also fear that thrill of the chase has now gone so he disappears!

Everyone carries on about the "rules" BUT there are NO GAURENTEES he'll stick around even after you've made him wait 90days!!!!!!! DO YOU, who gives a shit what judgemental folk have to say!

Re:Mr Wales, nothing much really, just going to hold his hand, be supportive and hang out! He's a sweety pie and I'm soooooo into him and he's into me! It's a wait and see game!

Crow oooohhhhhh the silent dumper! they are ASSHOLES, COWARDS!!! God farted and then poof, the silent dumper was born, fucking waste of skin!! FUCKING EMOTIONAL RETARDS! You just need to ride out the storm, lick your wounds, regroup and maybe try OD again (refer to the "rules"). All your emotions are perfectly normal, so sorry you're hurting! (((CUDDLES)))

KScience has ex gotten back in touch after you TWO days of passion???

OneDay loneliness is normal! This morning besides the horniness, I was/am craving the closeness and cuddling of a partner. It can sometimes suck. Keep yourself distracted, chat on here, watch a movie, take yourself out to lunch, go shopping. I'm cleaning, doing laundry, disinfecting my kitchen and bathroom, YAWN! What KScience said I do that too!

OP posts:
dontcallmehon · 12/01/2014 11:56

It's a long story. Geeky and I got drunk and said we wanted to have a baby together one day. We agreed on 2 years time. We danced a lot and had a great night. Then my ex saw us in my local and passed a note that said 'get out of my pub.' I walked out and somehow ended up with geeky in the street and we were both crying. He didn't know if we could work with my ex creating issues. At one point we weren't going to Paris. We had a huge argument.

Then we had sex and we're together again on Tuesday - so I think it's ok. I hope. I'm drained.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 12/01/2014 12:15

Aw dont drunken arguments are the worst, everybody's judgement is impaired, noone has any filters, logic goes out the window and then noone can remember why they were so upset anyway (but they know they are upset!). Sorry that this happened.

Was geeky upset that your ex still had such a powerful effect on you, causing you to walk out, was that it? The one thing that I picked up on your first post was the language you used - ie your ex causing issues and this might split you up. You probably didn't mean it that way, but it shouldn't be possible for a third party to 'cause' a couple to split up - people split up because of issues either one of them has/between the two of them.

If the roles were reversed - ie if I was dating a guy whose ex-gf was capable of affecting them like that - I'd be concerned that they were either not over that ex, or had not rebuilt themselves from whatever trauma that relationship had caused them.

Are you ok at the moment? You obviously care for each other a lot, for emotions to run so high.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 12/01/2014 12:20

Back to dickish messages on dating sites.... from a guy who initiated the conversation with me.... (I have a not-uncommon first name) ''There seem to be a surplus of ''OneDay''s around right now, you may need to take a number or change your name to stand out''!

Twat. Get to the back of the queue.

kscience · 12/01/2014 12:29

Master ex not been in touch (it was only two nights as work gets in the way) , he knows I am silly busy this weekend as have inspection on Mon Tue & Wed (announced Fri afternoon) so will be worker bee. Also we have lots of space in between encounters (dont usually do two days in a row), mostly as I don't want him getting mixed messages that I want more.

Dont it will be OK alcyhol induced arguments can be gotten over, as long as you can both talk honestly about the causes.

OK I am bored of working but need to not be distracted anymore....

Is it only me that gets, "Hi, I am not looking for a relationship" emails despite putting in my profile that I am looking for a relationship? Irritating, but at least these guys are up front.

TheCrow · 12/01/2014 12:29

PO you make me laugh, I know it's a twattish thing to do, never thought he would do that, though I suppose no-one ever does. Better off rid, just need to tell myself that over and over! I've never done OD before, tempted to sign up just to look at what's out there.

Today is going to be spent productively so I don't end up moping, packing to move out from stbxh's and going swimming- never know, might meet a lovely man in trunks ;)

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 12/01/2014 12:37

Got a message from a guy who has written me quite a nice little essay as introduction, profile checks out ok apart from under ''whats the most private thing you're willing to admit'' (stupid box on OKCupid, that most people either don't fill out or put a joke in) he's written ''I like a girl to be playful with her feet, some girls seem to hate the idea so it seems like worth a mention now''.

Is that referring to foot wanking? Really?

ALittleStranger · 12/01/2014 12:37

Dont I agree with One Day. Your ex can't split you up. To an extent you can choose the reaction you have to him and if you feel you can't then avoid the pub. If you and Geeky want to be together and have a baby etc then you can be.

tigerbear · 12/01/2014 12:38

Oh, Dont, not surprised you're drained - all of that sounds very full-on! However, most of the tension was probably inflated/blown out of proportion (correct me if I'm wrong) if you were both really drunk (I presume you were quite hammered if you were having the drunken 'let's have a baby together' talk so soon?). Presuming also that your ex was drunk, and it sounds like a recipe for disaster all round.
Why is Geeky so bothered by what your ex thinks/does? What exactly was brought up in the argument?
Hopefully things will blow over - it sounds like it has done already, if you're seeing each other again on Tuesday.

Oneday, Softkitty< Flora and Master - I did get a response to my text, at about 1.30am, along the lines of "Have had a good evening but still feeling a bit spaced out, as you can see from my text. I felt like we were together "last night", you left me with such a strong feeling about you"

Back story: he is freelance and had a massive project to finish after leaving mine on Thursday which had to be finished by yesterday morning, hence he was working through the night Thurs & Fri, so he is probably a bit spaced out/all over the place, time wise.

I didn't reply as was half asleep, then I got another text from him this morning at about 11am to say "How are you today? I'm still in bed and thinking of you. Shame we can't be together again until Wednesday, can't wait to see you again"
I replied to ask what he wanted to do on Wed, and literally 2 minutes later I received EXACTLY the same text as he sent at 11am, word for word, like it had been copied and pasted. Nothing since then. Hmm, so now don't know what to think. If he's sending generic texts to someone other than me, then he's getting it wrong with her too, as Wed is def the day we are meeting again.

Oneday - regarding the text last night, it was very specific in the first part of referencing exact things I'd mentioned in my earlier messages to him. No, we haven't discussed being exclusive, but then again, Wed was only the second time I'd met him and I didn't want to come across as too full on (even though we DTD) if you see what I mean.

Master EXACTLY!! When did dating become so complicated???
I didn't even really think to ask re 'being exclusive' anyway as I too think that you meet someone, you like them, you DTD - surely there should be some sort of unspoken agreement then that you are each putting time, emotion and physical closeness into being with that person, so why the need to multiple date and shag around?? I haven't got the energy or time to multiple date, and find the idea of someone I've slept with and plan to see again pretty sad if they are multiple dating...

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 12/01/2014 12:40

and this interesting person thinks I am a goddess. Oh dear lord, right obviously the OD sites are not going to work as a suitable cheer up/distraction today!!

tigerbear · 12/01/2014 12:41

Oneday, bloody hell, you're getting all the charmers right now aren't you! Christ, foot wanking and people telling you to change your name to 'stand out" - TWATS!

tigerbear · 12/01/2014 12:43

Dear God, Oneday, I didn't even see that link to the cross dresser - the mind boggles!!