Girlfriend careless with mini pill

[concern3d]

I would greatly appreciate some input into my situation so I can try and work out whether or not I'm over thinking things.

My girlfriend is taking Cerelle. I have done a lot of reading about this and understand that it should be taken at the same time every day in order to be ~99% effective at preventing pregnancy.

However, my girlfriend is adamant that the '12 hour window' means she can take it any time within a 12 hour period. She has chosen 7am to 7pm. She therefore takes it whenever she remembers between these hours.

I have explained to her my understanding of how it should be used, but she is insistent that she has been using it for a long time and has been assured by a doctor that her use of the mini pill is fine.

We have had a number of conversations about this, which always end in hard feelings. What should be a discussion turns into an argument.

We have only been using the mini-pill for contraception as I trusted she was using it correctly. However, over the past few weeks as I have got to know more about her attitude towards and practice of contraception, I am concerned that we should be using a second method.

I feel as though I have no control over the situation and am placing all my trust in her. I am nowhere near in a position to have a child at the moment - either financially, or in terms of maturity. Additionally, we have not been dating for long. I would appreciate your opinions on the situation.

Has anyone said use a condom yet??

;)

Makes me realise how lucky I am with my hubby. I've been the one to take the lead on what the right contraception was for us. He saw anything I did as the right thing for us and trusted me to get it right. I've only ever gone for the condom method when I'm taking a break from the pill or life situations dictated the pill wasn't going to be as effective. I'll be the first to stand up and say I dont like condoms and as I'm in a long term committed relationship I'm happy to just rely on the pill, and now the coil.

The poor OP is asking what others have been told about this pill as he's considering the need to use an additional method of contraception (and being a man that would be condoms).

I think his best bet would be to seek advice from his family planning clinic or pharmacist to reassure himself or clarify his concerns. From there he can then speak to his girlfriend from a position of knowledge about needing to introduce condoms, or changing what pill or whatever methods would suit them.

He's right though, there's a lot of man haters on this site.

"He's right though, there's a lot of man haters on this site."

Please could you cut and paste anything from this thread that supports that view?

My teenage sons often hear me talk about Mumsnet.
I've sent them links to threads that they've found useful - uni applications help etc.
If they couldn't talk to me about something, I'd be pretty chuffed if they's had the sense to 'ask Mumsnet'. I have called it hindsight on a website before.

The OP sounded young and relatively inexperienced.

I'd warn mine off this site now tbh. Someone upthread was right. It has gone to shit. Talk about nasty attitudes. Mignonette you're right again

It's not right when someone comes on looking for a bit of advice and instead gets criticised. Sorry Op that your experience today has put you off using the site again.

Well don't ask daft questions then.

Everyone gets a pasting when they ask daft questions like Should I Put Milk In The Fridge If I Don't Want It To Go Sour.

Just cos he's a guy doesn't mean he needs to be pandered to anymore than any other dafty

Can somebody explain to me in words of one syllable where the nasty attitudes, rudeness and "gone to shit-ness" on this thread is? Because I don't see it.

I dunno, it seemed to me that he got a bit of a pasting for daring to be confused about what his options were in this situation.

Apparently he should have known that it was entirely his responsibility to make sure he didn't get anyone pregnant.

Despite the fact that on this thread (as on every other of this kind) there were women talking about the way they browbeat men into not using condoms.

The rule seems to be that if you are a man you are simultaneously expected to be responsible for your own fertility, but a total cad and bounder should you attempt to actually take that responsibility into your own hands.

Apparently he should have known that it was entirely his responsibility to make sure he didn't get anyone pregnant

Um...well of course he should know that. That's pretty basic when you start a sexual relationship surely

She doesn't sound very mature or responsible....she's an idiot. Get rid before she traps you into fatherhood....

"That's pretty basic when you start a sexual relationship surely"

I don't think it's as basic as it should be, no.

The OP himself seems to have bought into some bollocks about "joint fertility" and more than one woman on this thread has said that she would be affronted by any man who attempted to take responsibility for his own contraception.

There is a common view that a man is ungallant if he doesn't just take a woman's word for it that she has taken care of contraception.

A man asking a woman not to use condoms when she wants to is not considered by most people to be OK.

But a woman asking a man not to use a condom when HE wants to is often considered to be entirely reasonable and any refusal on his part to be unfair and insulting.

I gathered from the OP that he already knew he should start using a condom as he had concerns, but wanted some advice as to a) whether he was being unreasonable/paranoid to be concerned, and b) how to broach the issue with his GF if he decided to start wearing them.

To be met with a barrage of 'wear a condom', whilst factually correct, is hardly helpful!!

If they've argued before about her use of the pill, she must have already told him to back off because she thinks she's using it right, in which case him slapping on a condom when he doesn't usually might be seen as an argument starter. I think if I was her I might be a bit put out if he didn't choose his words very carefully!

Something along the lines of, "after we chatted about the pill, I looked some stuff up, and you were right about how you're taking it, sorry to have not believed you. However, I am a bit worried after what I've read that even knowing you're taking it right, it's only 99% effective, so I'd like to double up with condoms if that's ok with you?"

If she says no, she's got to have an ulterior motive?!

OP, I'm really sorry you've had a bad experience with this site. I'm really not sure what you did to invoke the response you got. But I would agree it was harsh and in some cases rude. (Apologies to all the nice helpful people who responded)

I personally think if a young person (m or f) comes to us with questions that might seem to some a bit naive, we should at least try to be helpful, rather than patronising and unpleasant. This is a guy who wanted to know something about female contraception. And not what's in the PIL. It's someone trying to make sure they are being responsible.

Personally I think everyone should consider if they'd like their kids one day to get responded to like this, if they had a family planning issue.

gigglestar it has been established repeatedly that she is using her contraception properly and as directed by a GP. What ARE you on about?

Wow, harsh much! The poor guy, asks for advice and just gets bombarded! Man hating much!

OP, if you're still reading this, you know you have to wear a condom and it's perfectly ok to feel like that. Although it will be a tricky conversation to have with your gf, it is best in the long run. Sit down, just tell her you feel you should be taking more responsibility for your contraception and will start wearing condoms. Reassure her that it's not that you think she's trying to get pregnant, more of a case of wanting to take control of your own actions. If she doesn't want you to wear a condom, make an appointment together with your GP - there are types of contraception (injection, implant) that are long term, that involve no one having to remember to take tablets. Of course these are still in your girlfriends control, but at least by talking about how you feel, what your decision is and offering a compromise if she disagrees you are showing yourself to be a decent bf (IMO).

Good luck!

"Wow, harsh much! The poor guy, asks for advice and just gets bombarded! Man hating much!"

Copy and paste a man hating post.

She sounds irresponsible and immature....that's what i'm on about.

Man hating was probably the wrong phrase, more condescending. There are a lot of 'well wear a condom then' 'women get the shitty end of the stick' 'take some more responsibility' ... When he clearly is taking responsibility, wanting to have more information and just asking for help.

Where does she sound irresponsible and immature? She's talking her contraception as advised by her GP and confirmed as being correct repeatedly on this thread.

So basically not absolutely agreeing with everything a man says is " man hating". Yep, that sounds like Mumsnet!

No not at all Curlew, I've just admitted I phrased it wrong.

He sounded accusatory towards his GP in his OP. He said she was being "careless" yet it's been shown that she is not. When he was told this in the usual MN way and the discussion developed into taking personal responsibility for ones own contraception he stamped his big old feet and stormed off MN vowing never to return calling us rude witches as he went.

Maybe it's just to a bit to harsh for the more gentle souls among us, male or female.

Hmmm.... Except there aren't any naive questions in his post. He was asking if he was over thinking the issue, said he had already hassled his gf about her contraception, knew he should use a second method. The thread is called "gf careless with mini pill" FFS.

Don't patronise him with all this 'if my son came on...' He got flamed because he was trying to use mumsnet to bring his errant gf into line and there were undertones of this crap about trapping into pg someone else has now brought up. It isn't trapping if you choose not to wear a condom.

If he was young and naive and asking a daft question he would have had a sympathetic response as I've seen many times before.

And I'd be ashamed if my son had this attitude towards his gf/contraception.

Use condoms and at the same time withdraw before ejaculation.

Male Condoms + Withdrawal = 99.92% effective with perfect use - 95.95% effective with typical use

m.scarleteen.com/article/reproduction/the_buddy_system_effectiveness_rates_for_backing_up_your_birth_control_with_a_s