Im not going to use the MN abbreviations as Im halfish tempted to show this to my mum, if I think it will help rather than hinder the situation.
Bit of background is needed to make the current situation clear.
My mum and I have always been very close, she was always more of a best friend and I absolutely adored her as a kid but particularly in mu teens and 20's. Theres nothing I couldnt discuss with her, spoke with her regular and generally had an excellent relationship and all round good laugh. My folks split when I was 16.
My mum met her husband I guess, about 8 years ago now, they moved in and married in the last 2-3 years.
2 Christmases ago I was 20 weeks pregnant with my second son. I split with his dad (father of my first son) the day I found out. This was not my choice.
I also moved out of a not-so-great area to a much nicer one, and my mum was amazing and lent me 2.6k to move. She told me on no uncertain terms not to tell her husband as he is very controlling with money.
I had my 20 week scan a couple of days before Christmas. On the way back my ex flipped out, screamed and shouted at me about nothing and everything, threatened to hit me, at which point I was sobbing and bolted out the car towards moving traffic liked a prized dick but I was pregnant, threatened and upset.
I called my mum and she told me to gather everything together and get the train up to hers (is 2-3 hours away by train) so I did.
Her husband picked me up from the station and was quite off with me. When we got in, he was going on and on about how broke my mum was which I found odd. Kept bringing it up over and over again, then mentioned how her credit card was maxed out and the penny dropped. She had told him. I felt sick, he was making me feel like a proper bastard for borrowing the money. Again and a-fucking-gain. I need to press at this point, that in no way did her lending me money affect his finances. It was very much money I borrowed from my mum, not from him or even them. Something I was, and still am very very grateful for.
I stayed a few days and after Christmas passed I was about to go and get the train home with my 3 year old and I started bleeding. I asked my mum to take me to the hospital and she was mental. Screaming and shouting, so once again I was crying and had a crying 3 year old hanging off me.
In hind sight I think the above might have something to do with the husband/money fiasco because she is usually a lovely, caring person.
So then I was dropped like a hot potato, no calls or texts, and calls I gave were cut short 'got to go!' Or just ignored completely (never answered her phone to me on a weekend).
Then I realised in over 2 years, she had only called me two times and I wondered what Id done. The relationship was fucked as far as I was concerned so I sent her an email wondering what went wrong, accepting the relationship was screwed but I needed closure.
She sent and email back asking what I wanted, I just said I wanted to talk.
So we did. On a weekly basis, a set day she calls me and its been great! I feel like Im beginning to know my mum again after she became a complete stranger for a few years.
However, it has been made clear by her husband that Im no longer allowed to stay over at their house when we travel up there for Christmas etc.
I asked her why this Christmas after it became uncomfortably obvious that there was an issue between her husband and myself. She said when I sent the email, she showed him and was pissed off because it showed I didnt respect him.
I just read the email back tonight because I cant sleep as I cant get thus issue out my head, and the only mention of him is "After you married [husband] our chats understandable dwindled...." Then no mention or reference to or about him for the rest of the email. It was clear in context that a meant, new relationships take up your time.
Why is has taken such offence to that is beyond me.
My issue now is, I no longer feel welcome at all in their home. I dont want to go there and theres bi-yearly gatherings that take place there. And her husband clearly has beef with me.
I dont particularly like someone who makes me feel repetitively shit for borrowing money (which I paid a large amount off straight away, and this time last year owed £100), tells my mum that all her children rely on her too much, takes offence to something that is totally inoffensive and basically says Im banned from staying at their house, and presumably doesnt particularly like me being there at all, because according to him 'I dint respect him' because of what I wrote of him in the email.
Sorry this is long, and seemingly petty perhaps but its putting a strain on mine and my mums relationship and from this point onwards I fully, and totally blame her husband for it.
I didnt before, but I very much do now and I can only see things getting worse.