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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Sort of date tomorrow

121 replies

bedhead2008 · 27/12/2013 00:25

Posted a few weeks ago about a one night stand and how to pursue things.

Well, it's a long story but I accidentally contacted him and we have been texting. I feel like I am doing all the 'running' but he is replying lots and agreed to meet for a drink tomorrow night.

It's kind of an unofficial date I suppose, I didn't call it a date and just asked if he was out in the town tomorrow which he was so I suggested meeting. This kind of turned into 'sex chat' so I need to be careful that this doesn't lead into NSA sex.

I have never really been on a date before and I am so nervous! I don't know what to talk to him about! He is rather quiet, I don't want to talk about work but that's all I know that we have in common. I don't want to do the whole "so what are your hobbies" chat, it feels unnatural.

I don't know, I'm over thinking it I'm sure but what the hell do I talk to him about?! I really like him and want to be flirty but fun etc and seem appealing! Help!

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bedhead2008 · 29/12/2013 02:21

Did not go well. We arranged to meet tonight, he was going out beforehand and then meeting me after. He was texting saying he'd leave soon and then nothing. Nada. Waited and waited (but did not text!) and he still hasn't been in contact We were due to meet hours ago. Livid, I give up!

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Roshbegosh · 29/12/2013 07:27

Well now you really can move on. You know where you stand and giving up is the only thing to do.

Vivacia · 29/12/2013 07:36

Yep, got to move on now. Be civil when you see him at work.

bedhead2008 · 29/12/2013 11:01

I will, but I am so embarrassed! I have never been stood up in my life. How on earth am I going to face him at work. Last thing I'd heard he'd sent a lovely text saying he'd be setting off soon and then nothing. I am so confused, what a shitty thing to do.

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Vivacia · 29/12/2013 11:46

Oh, did you go somewhere especially to wait for him?

AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 12:03

You have nothing to be embarrassed about! HE stood YOU up. Believe me, he's going to be the one feeling like crap at work. And so he should, idiot.

You can sail into work with your head held high and look like you couldn't give two shits that he let you down. When he mentions it (which he will after a while, to clear the air), you just brush it off. "No it's fine! I ended up out with some friends so it all worked out really well. Hope you had a great night!" Then N E V E R speak or text him E V E R again, the little twunt.

You can come out of this really really well if you stay cool about it.

AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 12:06

You have to leave him feeling disgruntled and surprised that you actually, honestly, really didn't care that he didn't meet up with you. At the moment he's certain that you're upset and/or angry about it - which will be boosting his ego.

Your job is to deflate that ego using the pin of indifference.

AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 12:07

So proud of you for not texting him while you waited. Good for you! See, I told you you're good at this if you trust your own instincts.

AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 12:07

Meeting you after seeing his friends = booty date. :(

AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 12:09

At least this is all over now before the New Year. You get a lovely fresh and clean new start now. Leave this behind in 2013 and make plans for creating the best 2014 you can possibly have.

bedhead2008 · 29/12/2013 12:17

I was already out with some friends, which he knew. So he didn't leave me on my own. But his last text read "just driving into the city to drop off my friend, need to make sure he gets off ok because I'm a nice guy like that! xxx".

I mean wtf?!

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MasterP0 · 29/12/2013 12:22

He was mindfucking you, the WANKER!!!!! Chin up, there's plenty of men in the sea!!!

bedhead2008 · 29/12/2013 12:31

It just makes no sense, why do that?! He's got to see me in work in a week. We have to do a lot of practical activities together that week and it is going to be awful.

I have never been stood up in my life! And he has never not replied to a text so it seems very out of character.

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Roshbegosh · 29/12/2013 12:33

You texted him? Oh no.

AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 12:35

It's weird. I wouldn't contact him to find out though.

Whenever this happened to me, I used to tell myself the bloke had died in a sudden tragic accident - and that the last word he ever said was my name, in a longing whisper... It helped. :)

AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 12:36

Roshbegosh, she texted yesterday but not since he sent that text. (I think.)

AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 12:39

Next week at work is going to be awful for HIM. It needn't be awful for you, as you've done nothing wrong. Nothing wrong at all.

My prediction is he will contact you later today (like about 4/5pm) with an excuse/reason. You just reply, "No problem!" and then you get yo come out of this looking brilliant.

bedhead2008 · 29/12/2013 12:39

Haha anuvva that put a smile on my face! No I meant when I texted him last night. I haven't texted him today! It was so strange, he went for a meal with his friends and he did text me to tell me it had finished and he was leaving to drop his friend off. Why would he text to tell me it had finished and he was leaving? He was driving so hadn't been drinking.

I keep thinking maybe something did happen! I know, I know, it didn't. But there's a little part of me thinking 'what if'. Need to STOP checking his facebook.

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bedhead2008 · 29/12/2013 12:40

I hope he at least gives me an excuse so I get the chance to do that.... otherwise that's when I feel like I am going to look stupid in work! I won't feel awkward so long as I get the chance to show him it's absolutely completely and utterly fine!

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AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 12:42

I'd be wondering if something had happened to him, too. But bad news travels fast - if something DID happen, you'll hear about it soon.

Did you text him after that last text of his?

AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 12:44

Remember you can show him next week at work that you're not at all bothered. I agree it's harder in person, to look all blasé and unaffected, but it's possible.

You've got a week to prepare. What makes you feel EPIC? Spend the week doing that. :)

bedhead2008 · 29/12/2013 12:48

I just replied saying "Well hurry or I might not think you're such a nice guy haha xx". Then nothing!

In our line of work, it means I will have to give presentations to him and possibly with him. I will have to take part in physical activities with him. Oh god, I just want him to reply with an excuse so I can say it's fine and leave it at that!

He was on FB around the time of sending the last text to me as he has been commenting on a post.

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AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 13:04

Physical activities? Yikes.

Please don't feel you're in limbo till he gets in touch. By not contacting him, you are already looking Not That Bothered. Every minute that goes by in silence is another minute you appear Unconcerned and Calm.

We are so used to acting/doing/controlling in real life that we forget that doing NOTHING is still an action. And a really powerful action at that!

So just get busy with other stuff, knowing that you are ALREADY showing him you're not upset or angry.

AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 13:09

Believe me, uncool/angry/upset women would've bawled him out by now. You wouldn't believe the crazy shiat girls do, egged on by their friends, booze, and the misguided idea that we should be open with our FEEEEEEEEELINGS at all times, instead of maintaining poise and dignity.

AnuvvaMuvva · 29/12/2013 13:10

I'm sorry I post so much, in annoying blocks of like 200 posts at a time. I get carried away.

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