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Original poster

Sort of date tomorrow

121 replies

bedhead2008 · 27/12/2013 00:25

Posted a few weeks ago about a one night stand and how to pursue things.

Well, it's a long story but I accidentally contacted him and we have been texting. I feel like I am doing all the 'running' but he is replying lots and agreed to meet for a drink tomorrow night.

It's kind of an unofficial date I suppose, I didn't call it a date and just asked if he was out in the town tomorrow which he was so I suggested meeting. This kind of turned into 'sex chat' so I need to be careful that this doesn't lead into NSA sex.

I have never really been on a date before and I am so nervous! I don't know what to talk to him about! He is rather quiet, I don't want to talk about work but that's all I know that we have in common. I don't want to do the whole "so what are your hobbies" chat, it feels unnatural.

I don't know, I'm over thinking it I'm sure but what the hell do I talk to him about?! I really like him and want to be flirty but fun etc and seem appealing! Help!

OP posts:
AnuvvaMuvva · 27/12/2013 01:28

Sorry, this thread

MasterP0 · 27/12/2013 01:32

I don't think it's the same guy Anuvv. The guy in the previous thread is her ex, whilst this one is a one night stand she works with.

erilou38 · 27/12/2013 01:37

Try to keep your knickers on although i know how hard that is when you really fancy someone!!

bringoutthepringles · 27/12/2013 01:48

you mention that he is at your work? All the more reason to keep your knickers on!

Original poster
bedhead2008 · 27/12/2013 09:31

No he's the guy I mentioned in my previous thread but not the one before that. Yes he is at my work! I have spoken to a friend who will be there in the background, she has promised not to let me go back with him!

OP posts:
ALittleStranger · 27/12/2013 09:35

How old are you bedhead? Showing your friends texts, taking them on dates. It all sounds ridiculously teenage.

He's not that keen. He might end up falling in love with you, but it's unlikely. If you want a FWB situation then go ahead, if you want anything more go into it protecting your heart.

Beccawoo · 27/12/2013 09:43

Just to check, is it definitely just the two of you meeting up? When you asked if "he was out in town" I am a little worried that you'll show up for a "date" but he'll be drinking with a bunch of friends and just be happy to say hi?? Perhaps clarify this before you go?

As beagles said, he may well be a great guy and if you feel he is, then go for it. My advice would be to just get yourself, chat about work, people or places you know in common. If he's interested, the conversation will flow and you'll have a great night. You could "laugh" off your ons, as beagle says, say you've never done it before, see where that takes the conversation. But do not sleep with him again after this meeting - have a great night, a kiss if you like, if it works well then say you'd like to do it again sometime and gauge his reaction. Good luck, and above all, have fun! Look forward to hearing how it goes :0)

ImperialBlether · 27/12/2013 10:27

AnuvvaMuvva has it exactly right.

OP, the reason he didn't ask you out after the one night stand was that he didn't want to. He might be quiet, but he's not that quiet.

He isn't asking you questions because he's not interested in you as a person. Seriously, he's not.

You have done everything possible to tell him that sex is on the agenda tomorrow night. Everything. Your history together tells him it's likely and then the sexting made it certain. And yet he still isn't interested enough to ask you questions about yourself.

You shouldn't go on the date. You sound desperate, tbh. Please protect yourself from yourself - you will end up very hurt when you have another one night stand with no further communication.

Original poster
bedhead2008 · 27/12/2013 10:50

I am early twenties, that's why I said a 'sort of date', because we are both out and will be with our friends but will have a drink together. I felt this would be a less threatening way of getting to know him, and also probably easier to avoid going back with him.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 27/12/2013 11:07

Do you think that if you hadn't done all the running he would have approached you again?

ALittleStranger · 27/12/2013 11:08

Aw gawd, so you've created a scenario where he has to put in zero effort, can show up without actually meaning anything and will leave you second guessing what he actually thinks, and ensures you both bring an audience to gawp at you both.

Spending time alone with someone you like isn't threatening. Anyone who sees it as such isn't worth the time of day.

Original poster
bedhead2008 · 27/12/2013 11:18

Our original messages after the ONS were friendly (these are in my previous post) and it was left without me replying. He said he had been waiting on my reply, which I inadvertently sent 1 week later. He approached me once in work during that week.

God it is embarrassing that I sound desperate, if you knew me I hope you'd see this is not like me. I just feel differently about this guy to how I have about others. Like there's something more/unfinished.

I'm completely unsure about whether or not to go tonight now, I was definitely going to but am having doubts.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 27/12/2013 11:20

I think that mentioning you and your friends will be at a certain place tomorrow night is a really good way of meeting up socially. However, I think you need to start describing it this way to yourself, rather than as a "sort of date" because I think you need to protect yourself from harm.

I think the worst case scenario is that you don't meet up early on. You give up hope, get upset and get drunk. He then turns up later on, and by now you're so relieved and grateful (and drunk) that you go home with him and have no-strings-attached sex and get hurt again.

Original poster
bedhead2008 · 27/12/2013 11:24

Vivacia that's exactly how I was hoping for it to come across. Not an official 'date' but a chance of getting to know him better in a relaxed environment.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 27/12/2013 11:26

Ok, but you absolutely mustn't be checking your watch or running your night out with friends to maximise the chance of bumping in to him.

I know this bit will be hard, but leave the ball in his court. Do. Not. Text. First.

Original poster
bedhead2008 · 27/12/2013 11:29

I won't! I will have a great night with my friends even if I don't hear from him. I suppose I am expecting the worst now after the responses on this thread so already feel disappointed, if he does anything to make me feel otherwise then great but I'm not expecting it now.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 27/12/2013 11:46

Great, but not grateful. I'd let him see me having fun with my friends and thinking, "I'd love to spend more time with this woman".

AnuvvaMuvva · 27/12/2013 16:29

I'm confused -- in your previous (Nov '13) thread I lined to above, it says this guy is an ex? Someone you dated for 6 months, two years ago? Is this the same guy?

It doesn't sound like the same guy if you now say you want a chance to "get to know him". Don't you already know him quite well after dating for 6 months?

Sorry, I'm REALLY confused.

AnuvvaMuvva · 27/12/2013 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnuvvaMuvva · 27/12/2013 16:32

That doesn't mention that you work together, at all.

Am I being really thick??

AnuvvaMuvva · 27/12/2013 16:34

Did it feel like just a one-night stand because you'd split up so long ago, which (in your mind) cancels out that relationship, and resets it? So shagging him again is like shagging a new person?

Original poster
bedhead2008 · 27/12/2013 16:37

Nooo this is a completely different guy!

OP posts:
AnuvvaMuvva · 27/12/2013 16:39

In any case, I'd say: you're in your early 20s. That's an incredibly desirable and attractive age! Get out and find loads and loads of brand new people. Do everything you can to make yourself feel INCREDIBLY PROUD to be you, so you go into relationships feeling like you have a lot to offer, and not grateful for crumbs from elusive men.

I wish I'd done that in my 20s. Needless to say, I didn't. And therefore wasted time on trying to make men love me, instead of trying to make ME love me (which would've been far far more productive.)

AnuvvaMuvva · 27/12/2013 16:40

But you said yes, it was the man from your previous thread?

I'm sorry, could you please link to the thread about this particular man?

AnuvvaMuvva · 27/12/2013 16:41

I just asked for MNHQ to remove that post from me, quoting your post about the wrong man. I'm sorry!