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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

547 replies

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 23/12/2013 10:28

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves

WTAF???

He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!

Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

OP posts:
MerryFuckingChristmas · 24/12/2013 13:17

Malc, copy everything you can find to do with finances. This man is going to try and fuck you over financially when the penny drops that you are serious. At the moment, he thinks you just have the hump but will soon STFU.

Before you take any concrete steps, see a solicitor and get some Big Guns on your side.

mammadiggingdeep · 24/12/2013 13:22

Do you do supermarket shop on a joint card? Could you get some flashback each time- a tenner even? Or does he check receipts?

mammadiggingdeep · 24/12/2013 13:23

Flash back?? Obviously that was meant to b cash back!

themidwife · 24/12/2013 13:38

Yes I agree, absolutely essential that you copy his last P60 & any savings account statements as well as removing all your personal stuff like birth certificates, passports & financial stuff & giving it to your mum to store. Then get an appointment with a solicitor. You can claim tax credits from the day you consider yourself to be separated even if he won't leave the house.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 24/12/2013 13:52

ok
first prob...

we Are due to have much needed building works start on the house in feb. the money is in a savings account not in my name. Its our savings but its only in his, I only found this out last week when I tried to withdraw a large sum...

OP posts:
LineRunner · 24/12/2013 13:59

You are married so he can't just have all the money. Can you make a copy of a recent bank statement?

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 24/12/2013 14:02

all online. Its not our joint account...

OP posts:
themidwife · 24/12/2013 14:13

Print off the details of the account

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 24/12/2013 14:15

i didnt know we had a separate account. I thought it was a savings pot in our joint. I will call them I think

OP posts:
fancyanotherfez · 24/12/2013 14:22

I think you are on ml you said, so you have a job to go back to. You are not totally dependent on him. Will your family help you out until you get some child support from him? Don't let money worries defeat you. He is trying to kill time in the hope you will Cave in and things can go back to normal or he can leave you instead once he's found another woman with low self esteem to do his bidding. It can't do his ego much good that you are chucking him out

Tralalalalaaalalalalaaaaa · 24/12/2013 15:37

Well done OP, you've done brilliantly!

Remember how elated you feel now. If it gets tough in the next few weeks, the memory of that feeling should get you through.

Has he got a card for that account?

Tralalalalaaalalalalaaaaa · 24/12/2013 15:38

Ps your step mum sounds like brilliant support

HelloBoys · 24/12/2013 16:02

Just wanted to say well done Op never easy to end like this. Flowers

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 24/12/2013 17:29

thanks again everyone.

He has not engaged with us at all today. Thats not to say he hasnt been busy doing housy stuff but surely its more important to be with your kids??!!!

OP posts:
MerryFuckingChristmas · 24/12/2013 17:48

Obviously his priorities are very different than yours.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 24/12/2013 18:49

yup,
I feel sorry for him really. And he is as we speak in tbe bathroom feeling nauseous...

OP posts:
themidwife · 24/12/2013 18:56

Poor baby! The script begins .....

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 24/12/2013 19:48

hes being nice. Im am so fricken happy i guess its hard to be in a grump with me.

I have done all the things that piss him off!!! not put kids down early (is xmas eve ffs) taken a call to my bro who lives abroad and talked for a whole 15mins when I was in the middle of sorting bedtime! and let the baby fall asleep on me at 6 and just sat on the sofa and cuddled!!!!!

I have played lego with my boys, had heart on tbe radio and sung really loud and danced all around the lounge!

OP posts:
FreakinScaryCaaw · 25/12/2013 06:56

Hope you have a good day today MalcolmTIMH.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 25/12/2013 07:39

thanks freakin, you too Xmas Grin

OP posts:
Deathwatchbeetle · 25/12/2013 07:46

Happy Christmas to you and your kids!

Can he ex[plain why he wants 'man time' when he is obviously not a man himself? How can he expect adult conversation when he is such a child himself? Anyway ignore the big baby and have a fun time with the less boring people in the house!!!!!

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 25/12/2013 08:32

He has just told me he is going to have loads of new years resolutions, funny thing they all involve "him" hes going to hand glide, play football...

Enjoy that by yourself. You know he never asks me what mine are because he isnt interested. Its a shame.

I guess me and the kids are not fun and exciting enough.

I will prob post through the day but only to rant!

I wish all you lovely people a very merry christmas x

OP posts:
doasyouwouldbedoneby · 25/12/2013 09:33

Hope you listed your new years resolutions to him..

Find a good lawyer, speak to bank, spoil and enjoy ALL your DC's, let him fend for himself in washing cooking and cleaning. Getting rid of 13+ stone of dead weight round your shoulders...etc

Hope you have a lovely day MalcomTucker
feel free to rant l may join you

holycowwhatnow · 25/12/2013 10:14

Merry Christmas, Malcolm. I'm so glad you've made your decision. Your husband sounds like a wanker and you'll be well shot of him. Just prepare yourself to be strong when he comes crawling back saying he didn't know what he had til it was gone etc because I'm sure that will happen.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 25/12/2013 10:48

sorry you are feeling ranty too doas...

I know I shouldnt be upset but we have just done presents. I know he had not bothered to get me anything until monday but mine were just shit.

He usually gets really nice things, thoughtful. I got a dressing gown size 18-20, im size 8-10. He didnt read the label... slippers, bath salts a candle and a voucher printed off yesterday. All nice.presrnts I kmow and im not being ungrateful. Its just we have always spoilt each other and his lack of effort is astonishing.

I spent a small fortune on him. I think it was quite obvious how crap he had been.

Unfortunately mum is not talk to he talk to he

OP posts: