DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves

WTAF???

He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!

Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

His "plan" to "get you back on track" involves some compromises from him, yes ?

No

It involves you transforming yourself into some parrotting sex puppet with your legs constantly open, falling on your knees to give him a BJ when he does his manly stride through the door and to agree with everything he says whilst smiling like a deranged Stepford Wife

Sounds appealing, non ?

oh thats sounds like a dream life!

Meant to say he will move out "when he is ready"
when he had found a "house share"

Ummm a room in a shared house???? how old r u???

Stand your ground. Get him to leave. On Friday get some legal advice about what you will or won't be entitled to, and how to go about things. Make the New Year a new start for you and your DC. Best of luck.

By "house share" he means when he has found another soft landing place ie. some woman daft enough to take him on. (no offence )

OP, he sounds very like my ex. My ex used to explode, used to have no patience. Used also to say I was lazy when I worked full time, looked after 2 toddlers, looked after him etc etc etc. it sounds v familiar

I stuck with it for 10 long years. I didn't want to split up our family. I always hoped he would keep being nice.

In the end I finally realised nothing would change-unless I changed it. The thing that made me realise he was being abusive was when someone asked me - would you treat anyone else the way he treats you. The answer of course is no way!!

I'm glad you are getting there- I really think you need to separate from this man. It doesn't matter if it takes a while- it needs to be done. He's not good for you or the DCs.
Good luck.

Ps- my ex is still a moody bastard! But thank god not here any more!

going to tell mum. All of it.

Im with all 3 dcs he is in our bedroom loading apps onto the kids tablets (cheap groupon ones!)

so instead of being a family on xmas eve he is on his own again.

He is also holding on to massive resentment about DC3. I got pregnant on purpose yada yada we were just getting our life back, We never have sex so I obviously did it on purpose....

I am so over it all.

I feel happy, he is miserable and he will never be happy

its great to hear peoples stories.

Its so sad he cant see what he has.

Oh he said he wished there was someone else as it would be easier!!

Good for you. He can dish it out but can't bear to hear some home truths. He had better get used to sorting himself out domestically. Don't be swayed by a last-minute charm offensive. Anyone who puts his hands round another person's throat isn't worth listening to.

I've just read the thread (your bits) and am so glad you're getting shot of this numpty.

He really does sound 5. In fact I know 5 year olds with more respect.

Best wishes to you and your dcs.

Someone else for who? You or him?

Merryfuckingchristmas are you who I think you are?

I always thought if she came on my thread it must be bad

Someone else for him!!!!

For him I expect FreakinScaryCaaw as he thinks he's such a catch, (not).

I am definitely the catch

Malcolm- just caught up with this.

Brilliant!! You rock!! Keep going you're doing great.

X

It wasn't strange your step mum said what she did then. She knows and she is trying to help you.

Someone else for him? He has just said to you he wishes he was shagging someone else! Why is he still in your house?

sorry for all the posts but I actually feel elated!

I am going to be nice over xmas, but I know in a couple of months it will be just me and my beautiful babies

I feel as though a weight has been lifted!

Thanks mamma!!

I actually feel sorry for him, he has no idea what lonely is...

I just found his payslip take home 4500!!! and he has childcare voucher taken out befor tax!!

My exp was like this. Used to constantly insult me. Make really hurtful comments and then try and wriggle out of it by saying he was just angry! He wouldn't help with the kids, didn't contribute financially and would steal what little money I had to go off and gamble.

I left him. It took a long time to get over him but raising my children alone is a million times easier than doing it with him weighing me down. Everything was so difficult when he was in the picture. It was literally like having a ball and chain round my ankle. Even asking for the smallest amount of help resulted in huffing and puffing and moaning from him. If his friends asked him to go out and I needed him at home he would tell them he was "babysitting his kids" ffs.....they are both his children and I was there with him.....he was just being a dad and participating I family life. What I have described was just the tip of the iceberg with him. He was the most vile man to live with and I hated myself and my life when I was with him. He made me want to kill myself. His words used to cut through me like blades and I was left on a daily basis feeling like scum. He wore me down and I was exhausted. I didn't know how to be happy or have fun when I was with him.

We split, I moved out of my mums where we had been living together and I told him he couldn't come with me. He has since decided that he isn't cut out to be a dad and no longer sees the children, which suits me fine. They have much more stability and consistency now and they are not constantly let down by him or stuck in the middle of toxic arguments.

I am not sure I will ever get into another relationship, I think his behaviour damaged me so much and destroyed me that I am not sure I will ever get over it or be able to trust another man. However I know I am a much nicer better person and parent for not being with him. I enjoy my children a lot more and they are turning into amazing kids. I know it was the right decision to leave.

Your dh sounds vile. Do what is best for you and your children, not what he wants or tries to convince you is best. Confiding in family is invaluable, you will need them for what ever you decide is your next move.

If he takes home that much can you not start stashing some away so that when you do leave him you have a honey pot of money to help you?

Keep that payslip!! You might need it for CSA. You never know. At least you know you'll get a good amount for child maintenance.

You'll be ok. You really can do this.

It will be you, your babies and a peaceful life in a few months. :)

Right young lady Start making plans now about the new year. You will be ok for money with tax credits and child maintenance,

Make a list of all the things you need to do such as, solicitor, CAB, tax credits, etc, make sure you know exactly what your entitled to.

Timothy that sounds horrific, Im so glad you are free.

I can squirrel any away as every penny is accounted for, he is anal about money.

Yes a list is what I need.to do...

Malcolm, I don't know if I am who you think I am. I seem to have lost track of my namechanges myself

Will pm you.

I agree it really is much easier raising DCs on your own than with a miserable selfish twat weighing you down.

My ExH actually left me and the DCs for OW but looking back it was a blessing.