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Original poster

DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

547 replies

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 23/12/2013 10:28

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves

WTAF???

He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!

Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

OP posts:
SandyDilbert · 28/12/2013 08:38

and do not enter into any conversation with him - there is no need and you will only get upset. Silent and calm is the best way I think. And remember, not one foot does he set over the threshold. Doorstep handover, quick a possible.

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 28/12/2013 09:31

he is here? im in the fucking shower and i hear him playing with dcs??????

he was supposed to text before he left

OP posts:
themidwife · 28/12/2013 09:44

Marking his spot!!

Madamecastafiore · 28/12/2013 10:10

I have only read your posts but just wanted to quickly comment about the most fabulous gifts you will be giving your children this Christmas.

Your daughter will be receiving, strength and self respect and your sons will be receiving the gift of happy relationships in the future and the opportunity to be decent fathers.

You are giving them these gifts by leaving that self absorbed waste of space and not allowing them to build up an idea in their mind that it is ok for men to treat their partners like he treats you and that being a dad is about putting your wife and children before yourself.

Good luck with the future. I left XH when dd said 'Daddy, don't hit mummy' it was the best thing I ever did. She may be the product of a broken home but she will know how you are to be treated in a relationship and that is far more beneficial to her than living with 2 unhappy parents.

Fairenuff · 28/12/2013 10:13

You need to put a lock on the inside of the door to stop this happening again. He cannot just walk in like that. Fit a bolt on your front and back doors and keep them locked when you're in. If he asks, just say it's extra security.

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 28/12/2013 10:25

he is a wreck

He is sorry. He had wanted to leave for the past year.
He is sorry it has ended like this, not a clean break.

He had deleted her number, and has had no contact.

He wants to do whatever i want. He will come and tidy and do anything i want even if im not here to help me as he knows I have the children.

He said he will agree to anything I want.

What he wants to do is move back in. look after the children together. And see if we can be friends.
Then maybe try again if we can be friends?

OP posts:
SandyDilbert · 28/12/2013 10:29

so he has wanted to leave for a year and have a clean break but still wants to come back? Find your self esteem and say no.

Sorry, he is playing games with your head. You need to get him out of the house now - and he cannot let himself in any more.

This trying again after being friends is rubbish btw - he just wants a green card to continue shagging the OW and then when it doesn't work out (because it won't) he wants you sitting waiting on the back burner for him.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 28/12/2013 10:32

He hasn't got the message yet you want it over. Why not? Are you hoping for an epiphany? Reread this thread. Remind yourself of the hurt he has caused you and the lies he has told, the cheating he has enjoyed. Pack his stuff, get him out and tell him to stay out. You do not need this twat in your life.

Good luck!

NigellasDealer · 28/12/2013 10:36

What he wants to do is move back in. look after the children together. And see if we can be friends.
Then maybe try again if we can be friends
what a wankstain, isn't that what they used to call 'having your cake and eating it'?

clara26 · 28/12/2013 10:41

Don't let him. He will just put you through the same again. My parents divorced when I was three and I'm oh so grateful. My dad was abusive towards my mother. We grew up in a happy and healthy environment with an amazing stepdad (who we all call dad) we are all well rounded rational people. Do yourself and your lovely kids a favour and get rid.

Xxx stay strong lovely

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 28/12/2013 10:49

he seems broken though

OP posts:
myroomisatip · 28/12/2013 10:51

I doubt he is broken. Just scared now that he has been caught out.

clara26 · 28/12/2013 10:51

Just remember how he's made you feel.

SanityClause · 28/12/2013 10:53

SEEMS broken.

Not IS broken.

If he reeeeally feels that way, he'll do "whatever it takes" which includes moving out and giving you some space to work out what you want.

doasyouwouldbedoneby · 28/12/2013 10:55

No way--it's all about him.

If he really wants to be friends and maybe try again. Ask him to leave permanently. Try co parenting maybe then you can develop a friendship.

You cannot live together separately. Resentment would build up pretty quickly and it would be very confusing your the DC's. How do you think he would treat the DC he didn't want and probably blames for the breakdown of your relationship.
Get yourself a backbone honey and get him out now

SanityClause · 28/12/2013 10:58

He's only in the house, because he deliberately went against your expressed wish for him to let you know when he was coming. He has no consideration for you AT ALL. So how's that going to work , when you are "friends"?

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 28/12/2013 11:07

I want a magic wand

Im so sad

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 28/12/2013 11:09

The brokenness (breakdown etc) is all part if the script. It is completely put on and is designed to appeal to your caring nature.

He has treated you appallingly for the past year and you need to ignore what he wants and concentrate on yourself.

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 28/12/2013 11:12

but i want my family back too

OP posts:
doasyouwouldbedoneby · 28/12/2013 11:18

You will not get your family back by going with his suggestion. That is a recipe for disaster. you would be questioning his every move and as you would be technically separated but living together he could -as could you- start dating again. How would you feel about a new partner being flaunted in your face.
Your relationship is broken, at this point beyond repair as it stands.
He has to move out as previously suggested, to give you space to decide what YOU want to happen.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 28/12/2013 11:37

What family is that ?

the one he doesn't want ?

You do realise if he moves back in as "friends" that is is his green light to go out shagging while you look after the kids

Let him do that away from you, it kill you if you have to watch him walk out the front door to meet OW and come back "home" like a dog with 2 dicks

FGS, don't be a doormat

SandyDilbert · 28/12/2013 11:39

so sorry you are sad. You can't have the family back sadly - I know how awful it is and you just wish that you could turn the clock back. But you can't - you need to find your self respect and get him out.

Clutterbugsmum · 28/12/2013 11:40

Here read [http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1527705-Midlife-crisis-this-is-the-script the script]]. I bet you/he can match more then one answer.

redundantandbitter · 28/12/2013 11:58

It's truly depressing to read the script. So many 'head nodding' moments. Urgh