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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

547 replies

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 23/12/2013 10:28

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves

WTAF???

He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!

Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

OP posts:
whitsernam · 27/12/2013 21:51

Remember "No is a full sentence" and just tell him "No" ... Maeve and others above have already explained sooo well. I just wanted to reinforce their statements.

You are doing so well!! Him, not so much.

themidwife · 27/12/2013 21:53

Of course he can't come back!!!

And watch him start the threats when he sees you mean it!

MaeveORave · 27/12/2013 21:57

"No you cant come back".

He findss it easy to suit himself this man! What he wants is a pad from which to come and go, no expectation that there b a normal relationship! He would have tbat if he moved back in. There is another woman, famiky life bored him, whatvwould suit this guy perfectly would b to set up a bachelor pad in the study.
Agree with the crackfox. Line up your financial duck$ !!

doasyouwouldbedoneby · 27/12/2013 21:59

No ..is a complete sentence

MaeveORave · 27/12/2013 22:01

Yes. Nice. Nasty. Pause. Wounded martyr. Nice. Nasty. Pause. Martyr. Nice. Nasty. Pause. Pity party.
Rinse repeat
Rinse repeat.
U r better off speeding up the process. Say a firm no and u will fast forwRd thru the next few rinses.

MaeveORave · 27/12/2013 22:07

I forgot a bit of the cycle!
The character attack.
When pity party doesnt work, that must mean u r a cold hearted bitch. Cos u owe it to him to forgive him. Why? Not sure. U must be selfish to decide to call it a day andgive up. If u werent so selfish ud carry on being miserable for ever to suit him!
Dont u see?
Your life is a mere sacrifice to his convenience!
;-)
Have heard it all!

themidwife · 27/12/2013 22:09

Oh yes & he'll use a Tardis to backdate the ending of your marriage to way before he started snogging any other women.

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 27/12/2013 22:22

i think you have been really strong, i am worried that all the money you have is in his name though, hope you get it sorted

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 27/12/2013 22:35

ok
I think a suitcase is in order then.

OP posts:
Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 27/12/2013 22:42

Ive just spoken to a good friend who is both of.our friends
Although he is a man so rob a bit closer.to dh. He is really cross. Thinks he is a complete dick for throwing it all away. He thinks it maybe is somesort or breakdown.
He wasnt excusing the behaviour,just trying to fathom it all

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 27/12/2013 22:45

Yes, you will find people trying to mitigate his behaviour

I suggest you ignore them all and make your own mind up

What with you being in the best position to do that'n'all, and in full possession of your eyesight, hearing and brain cells

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 27/12/2013 23:04

twat

I keep crying then feeling angry then excited but mostly crying

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 27/12/2013 23:06

All normal.

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 27/12/2013 23:10

jes a fucker

OP posts:
NettleTea · 27/12/2013 23:35

Was it a breakdown when he did it to his last wife?
No
It just wasn't fun- all- on- his-terms any more, so he opted out of family life and blamed her
And now he has just done it again
Twat

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 27/12/2013 23:38

he hasnt been married before but he had a ling term gf.

How the hell.does anyone sleep? im not going to.sleep.for a long time.am i

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 27/12/2013 23:43

You will. Maybe not tonight nor for the next few nights, but you will

The body takes over x

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 27/12/2013 23:47

so sorry about all the bloody full stops and typos. Im going to get a giant phone for my fat fingers!

OP posts:
MaeveORave · 27/12/2013 23:48

Breakdown shmakedown......
Depressed is the other wxcuse.
These are just labels to coerce women into overlooking huge flaws and selfishness.
He behaves badly to u - depressed or not.

MaeveORave · 27/12/2013 23:49

U will sleep!!
So many thoughts doing laps right now but they will burn themswlves out.

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 28/12/2013 00:15

hope so...

he has left his tooth brush. I was putting clothes in a bag ready to give him tomorrow and noticed???

He put his stuff in a plastic bag when he went out earlier, tjought that was odd.

He obviously thinks hes coming back tomorrow

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 28/12/2013 00:33

Of course he does

He is quite sure you will have stfu by tomorrow

bunchoffives · 28/12/2013 00:50

I'd be so tempted to lose the keys while you're out and have to change the barrel of the front door lock tomorrow. All the upset he's caused can make you so forgetful and distracted it's easy to lose keys....

You are doing really well Malc. Don't weaken or falter now. This is your chance for a better life for you and DC. You'll never get another chance as good as this one at getting him out. Don't let him back in or that will be that for ages. Tell the DC he's away working and have a week's break at least before you resume contact for DC access. You need some space to adjust.

Re sleeping. Try to rest even if you can't sleep and try to relax a bit.

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 28/12/2013 08:22

how the hell do I get through today?

I just want to wave a magic wand and for it to have never happened.

OP posts:
themidwife · 28/12/2013 08:37

Just be gentle with yourself today, eat cake & lots of cups of tea & cry behind closed doors so that when he turns up you can put on the performance of your life & be steely & strong.