Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

547 replies

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 23/12/2013 10:28

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves

WTAF???

He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!

Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

OP posts:
SandyDilbert · 27/12/2013 15:36

I agree - crying perfectly normal. Not only will you be sad for what has gone but you need to almost grieve for the future you aren't going to have. In time though your new future will be brighter and happier - you just need to hold on to that for now.

I think you are doing remarkably well - look after yourself and lean on friends and on folk here for support.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 27/12/2013 17:00

Hello again, Malc

Sorry to see you have been so upset. par for the course, I am afraid.

I think you made a mistake to say "I want you to go, but first I want you to do X,Y and Z"

You must be crystal clear love, really you must. Or all this pain and anguish will be for nothing, even if you end up staying together. he has to experience true loss or nothing, bit nothing, will change.

Chalk it up to experience and find that icy calm again. You can do it x

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 27/12/2013 17:28

I wanted to keep it normal for the dcs...

He wanted to talk when they were in bed i said no.

I was thinking he could.do bath and bed every night so they wont know then he can sod off

Is that a bad idea do you think?

Im fune to twll him to fuck off

OP posts:
ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 27/12/2013 17:31

Yes, very bad idea having him swan in to do bath and bed and then fuck off back to OW

You need space, a proper break from him so you can think clearly. Tell the kids he has to go away for a bit.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 27/12/2013 17:35

Bath and bed every night then go ?

No, no, no and no

Playing happy families for an hour then he goes off to shag snog OW? Talk about give him the best of both worlds...It will send you crazy and honestly, it's not fair on the kids.

Really bad idea

he goes, and he feels loss or you are wasting your time and energy, seriously

SandyDilbert · 27/12/2013 17:58

he shouldn't set foot over the threshold now - he is no longer part of bath and bed, or any other things under your roof.

bigbuttons · 27/12/2013 18:32

He must go. He has actually given you a good get out clause. I wish to god my abusive ex would bloody well find someone else instead of focusing all his hatred on me.
Seriously, this is your time to breathe once again, to be free from the miserable bastard. Take it with both hands and run like hell.

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 27/12/2013 18:52

he is here and being very reasonable. I want to kill him.
He keeps saying we were over we had no marraige

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 27/12/2013 18:54

Well he's right, you didn't have a marriage really because it only worked when he got his own way and that's not what a marriage is all about.

It's all blah, blah, blah designed to upset you. Nod and smile, nod and smile.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 27/12/2013 19:04

So why is he still there then?

You aren't married.
You aren't friends.

Does he think it is fine to live with someone you don't like never mind love?

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 27/12/2013 19:08

my mum is livid
she thinks hes being nice because he knows hes screwed finacially. 3 kids... mortgage... bills...

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 27/12/2013 19:10

Why is he there?

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 27/12/2013 19:10

tough

please just get him out

you are wasting so much energy on this twat.

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 27/12/2013 19:18

hes doing their story yhen back to his mums.

OP posts:
nevergoogle · 27/12/2013 19:23

your mother is right. tell him you don't want to speak to him again until after the weekend and take some breathing space.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 27/12/2013 19:24

Make tonight the last time he swans in like Big Daddy-O to read the kids a story

he is still their father, but when you divorce he will have to find a way to see them away from you, just like every other cheating bloke that acts like a cunt to his wife

this is his choice...he finds family life "boring" remember ?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 27/12/2013 19:26

he wants out

why aren't you listening?

give him what he wants

McDonald's daddy twice a week and one overnight cramped up at his mum's

sooooo attractive to all the dolly birds, eh

what a fucking sad loser he is

Fairenuff · 27/12/2013 19:27

He gets to read the story on the days he has access.

NettleTea · 27/12/2013 19:29

yep, and make his first overnight contact New Years Eve, so that he cant go out with his sad dolly mates - tell him YOU are going out for some fun (even if you are just watching Jules on the box with a cup of cocoa) - get him used to how kids sometimes come before a social life!!

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 27/12/2013 19:30

(shouting)
WANKERRRRRRRRR

he came in and asked if i wanted to talk before he goes... Nope

Dont you want to talk about whats going to happen?
Nope

I need some.time. You may come and take the dcs out tomorrow.
What do you want me to do with them?
whatever you like, give me 30mins notice of.your arrival and Ill have them ready

Bye then
bye

OP posts:
themidwife · 27/12/2013 19:31

You have to draw a line. He doesn't set foot in the house again. He collects them & takes them to his mum's to spend time with them. Tell him to get his stuff out right now.

Original poster
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO · 27/12/2013 19:33

When he comes tomorrow Im going to say he cant move back in for while. He seems to think we can sort out the house over the next few days??!!!!!

His suggeation is he moves into the study and does up the hpise then we sell. With cs i will be able to afford 200,000. That will get me a 2 bed flat here?
no
i will be staying in my house and u will be paying

OP posts:
themidwife · 27/12/2013 19:34

Cross posted - he's gone. Have his stuff in bin bags ready for collection tomorrow.

TheCrackFox · 27/12/2013 19:38

Get all copies of any financial paper work - pay slip, p60s, bank statement

See a solicitor ASAP.

Check what benefits you can get via entitled.com

Don't let him back in the house again. He needs a big fucking dose of reality.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 27/12/2013 19:39

do the kids handover on the doorstep

this is what he wants, remember

absent father

do not go out of your way to make it easy for him

your only responsibility is to make the kids available for pre arranged contact time...nothing more, nothing less

if he sees them saturday, they are not available sunday

Swipe left for the next trending thread