DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves

WTAF???

He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!

Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

tell his family or not¿?

he has refused to move out, yes ?

Will he agree to go now ? Will he agree to go "temporarily" and kip on a friend's sofa/parents house ?

If he won't, I would just completely withdraw everything from him (ie. all domestic services, if you haven't already) and get the ball rolling with a solicitor on Monday. I know this must be a huge shock to you, love, but it was clear from the beginning of your thread that he had detached from you which almost invariably means his interest was elsewhere. How cliched he is looking for sympathy that "things weren't right in his marriage" with OW when he was the one that dropped the deadly bombshell on it

From the outside looking in though, nothing has really changed.

he has gone out now, he asked me what i wanted him to do.

I said I would text him.

Should I say dont come back?

Thanls for the help x

Sweetheart, I really wouldn't do anything at all right now. Let this sink in. Tell him to go while you get your head around things and calm down for your own sake, not for his.

When you get your head straight, you will come to realise you are the one in the driving seat. See a family solicitor on Monday if you can get an appt (expect them to be busy, lots of marriages break down over xmas) and they will outline what your choices are. Until then, sit tight and think about what you want and need longterm with no reference to him at all.

I was so calm and cool.

Really proud of myself. He was sqirming and I didnt lose it

Cross posted.

I think he should move out for a while. You cannot think straight while he is there. Nobody else outside of your relationship needs to be told any details just yet. Depending on where he goes, they can be told a version of "Malc and I are having some problems ATM and we are having some space"

Good for you with the coolness.

ok

My friends brother is a lawyer for a massive big city firm. Im going to get him to find me one, he cant do it unfortunately.

I will let him sweat for a couple more hours then say he needs to give me space.

I told him to move the money for the house into my name today. He agreed.

I told him we still need to do up the house to sell it.
Im not telling him tjat I have NO plans to srll it though.

He can bloody well pay for his family to live here

I have to go out now. Hopefully, someone else will be along with some other viewpoints.

Don't forget, my way is just one way. It's not the only one.

Will be back later. x

mum knoes coz she is here.

I want to scream it from the rooftops but I know I will regret that

what do I tell the children?

thanks so much x

Sorry, love, am not running out on you. I should have met my friend for lunch half an hour ago. x

dont appologise!!!! god you and the others are amazing!
enjoy your lunch xxx

Hi, Malc. You are being amazing.

Malcolm, just wanted to say sorry you are going through this. My patents split when I was young. My dad was useless and in the end had a affair. I thank my
Mum all the time for leaving him because I would have been a different person had they stayed together. We still see him now (very seldom) but neith my brother or I have any respect for him and only see him because he's our dad. Your dc will find out for themselves what he is like when they're older and thank you for it! Well done!!

Tell the DC daddy has gone away with work for a few days if they6 ask. Keep it low key and only answer questions. Don't volunteer any more info at this stage, wait on that until you are feeling more sure of yourself.

Can your DM stay on for a bit to support you while you get back to work?

Go to a sol asap for legal/financial situation.

Tell him you need your space at this stage. Say its temporary. Tell him all the DC are ill again, that should keep him away.

Try to get as much rest and relaxation as you can in the next few days. Do some stuff you like doing and treat yourself really well. Don't talk to H. Get some headspace and let it all sink in.

I'm so sorry he has done this to you. Strike while he's meek & get all the money secure because once he realises you are serious he will blame you for his behaviour & try to screw you over financially.

Agreed - strike, and strike clever.

im a fucking weak idiot

I rang him to say I didnt want him to come home but I eanted him to do tea bath and bed with kids and ended up breaking down
I had been so.strong

I wailed like a banshee to his mum who was lobely but now I feel like a complete twat

U r strong.
X

Two steps forward, one step back, Malcolm. This stuff isn't like a soap opera, where they leave and you never see them again. It's not straightforward, and is a process that takes a while. Don't be down on yourself.

you are not weak to cry because you're marriage has broken down.

it's entirely normal to be upset.

it's normal to cry and to lean on others for support.

you are doing the right thing. you and your children will be happier not living with this excuse for a man.

It's a day at a time, Malc, sometimes an hour st a time. Try to focus on what you want at the end of the horrible bit - peace, freedom and independence.

xx