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Original poster

Do YOU turn your partner on?

80 replies

tory79 · 21/12/2013 14:36

Sorry, wasn't really sure how to phrase the title of this post!

I was thinking about dh and my sex life, and I realised that actually when he initiates sex t is because he wants sex..... As in I don't think he ever looks at me and thinks oooh my wife is hot, or she's looking sexy, I really want to have sex with her or anything like that, I think it's quite a separate thing. I don't know if that makes sense at all.

We were getting ready to go out the other night and I was wandering round in my underwear and I swear he never even noticed or looked at me, this is quite normal for us (although I don't often wander round in my underwear for this very reason - I always end up feelin slightly ignored!)

Is this normal/common?

OP posts:
2OfUsHerAndHim · 21/12/2013 14:41

Married for a long time and we still fancy the arse off each other.

TheGinLushMinion · 21/12/2013 14:43

I'd say probably not, sorry Sad
Have been with DH for 15 years & he still fancies me & I him.

varigatedivy · 21/12/2013 14:44

Yes. In a word. Quite nice after 30 years married.

hootloop · 21/12/2013 14:46

Also married for a long time and really fancy him, I am currently watching him decorate and thinking mmm.
I went out last night and he told me I was looking hot and he would wait up (with suggestive wink).
So yes I think I do still turn him on and he definitely does me.

Bowlersarm · 21/12/2013 14:47

Yes. Twenty five years together and still able to turn each other on.

escape · 21/12/2013 14:49

OP - I don't think it's normal but I do empathise massively - although if you've actually had sex this far you are winning :(

Offred · 21/12/2013 14:50

Has it always been like that?

I don't think it is healthy tbh.

FadBook · 21/12/2013 14:52

Yes. He tells me regularly that he fancies the pants of me, which is lovely.

I'd fancy him more if he didn't fart and dress like a tramp around the house Xmas Grin I worry he fancies me more than I him sometimes and that's a whole other thread!

Fairylea · 21/12/2013 14:53

Together for quite a while now and still really fancy each other. Often snog in the kitchen randomly and cheekily pinch bums away from the dc.

I have been in previous unsuccessful relationships however where I completely went off the other person though.

How is the rest of the relationship?

purrforamincepie · 21/12/2013 14:54

It's like that here too :( rubbish isn't it? He's only interested when he's absolutely desperate, we haven't had sex for 16 months and every now and then he almost caves. I think logically he recognises I am a member of the opposite sex but I think we would probably only have sex now if he fell on me! Aaaaaaaargh.

jackoff · 21/12/2013 14:57

Yes, DH and I turn each other on. Men are not mind readers though, and neither are we. He may have really fancied you walking around half naked but didnt want to be late, or upset you in some way, or was a bit shy as he doesn't usually see you like that. Has he openly said ' you dont turn me on?'

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 21/12/2013 14:59

Nope. I dont think so. Although he always denies it, i think i am about as attractive to him as the sudden onset of explosive d&v by the fish counter in morrisons.

neiljames77 · 21/12/2013 15:00

Mrs neiljames77 usually says, "can I have a massage, nothing else though because I'm a bit tired". I agree but after a while, I can tell by the way she moves her legs that's she's changed her mind and would actually quite like some sex.

PottedPlant · 21/12/2013 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred · 21/12/2013 15:03

If it is a recent change then I think something must have provoked it and it may be fixable. If this is how he has always been then I think it will likely only get worse with time.

I recently left a marriage. The biggest problem was communication but this was nearly as important. He every once in a while called me beautiful but not in a sexy way ever, would not touch me, would only have sex a couple of times a month, never looked at me lustfully, just roll on roll off go to sleep, we never kissed, he would only have sex whilst in bed.

If I attempted to initiate anything even slightly out of his accepted pattern I would be left feeling embarrassed.

I felt unbelievably frustrated/rejected.

My xh was sexually repressed but also happy with how things were so no motive to change.

Guttersnipe · 21/12/2013 15:05

Interesting question. I don't know the answer in my own case - maybe that alone tells me the answer Confused

What I mean is, dh is always up for sex, always hard before we start, and says he fancies me, but, now that you have described your situation, I have to admit I just don't know if it is me he wants, or just sex.

I feel sad reading that other people still fancy the pants off each other after decades of marriage. Happy for you, but sad for me because I'm not sure I have ever really felt like that. Blush

On the positive though, as someone said earlier, we still have sex...

NickNacks · 21/12/2013 15:07

Have you namechanged??

NickNacks · 21/12/2013 15:08

Oh I'm confused. Ignore me.

ThurlHoHoHow · 21/12/2013 15:14

Yes. But I can see that sometimes he initiates sex more because he wants sex than I am turning him on at that particular moment in time. Which if that particular moment in time sees me in tracky trousers and a stained jumped, I can't say I blame him Wink

I do think on a average day maybe you don't always look at each other and think "phwoar". But you should be able to and, yes, in your situation of wandering around in your underwear I'd expect some sort of nice comment or notice.

DuhDuhDuh · 21/12/2013 15:17

I don't think dh fancies me at all

He rarely gets hard before we start anything. I regularly walk around the bedroom either naked or just in my underwear and I don't think he even notices - it's really possible he may be stbstbeh

Lweji · 21/12/2013 15:47

Considering my ex, I think I'd rather have been ignored.

How does he react if you initiate sex? Or if you sex up for him?

Trills · 21/12/2013 15:50

:(

Does he know that you feel this way?

Maybe he does actively fancy you but just isn't very good at showing it.

neiljames77 · 21/12/2013 15:51

She has a thread about it Lweji. The answer is in there.

Lweji · 21/12/2013 15:55

If anyone could link to it, then, that would be nice.

Joysmum · 21/12/2013 15:57

We've only been together for 19 years but have a wonderful sex life which is a mix of love making and out and out horny lust!

We're very strict on DD's bedtime because we can't wait to get some us time.

In my experience, this is because we don't take each other granted, don't get into a rut and like to explore our sexuality together to keep things exciting and fresh.