Do YOU turn your partner on?

[tory79]

Sorry, wasn't really sure how to phrase the title of this post!

I was thinking about dh and my sex life, and I realised that actually when he initiates sex t is because he wants sex..... As in I don't think he ever looks at me and thinks oooh my wife is hot, or she's looking sexy, I really want to have sex with her or anything like that, I think it's quite a separate thing. I don't know if that makes sense at all.

We were getting ready to go out the other night and I was wandering round in my underwear and I swear he never even noticed or looked at me, this is quite normal for us (although I don't often wander round in my underwear for this very reason - I always end up feelin slightly ignored!)

Is this normal/common?

We've been there, but the key thing is that we talked about it. Both a bit old fashioned so didn't come easy to us but it was necessary. We realised that we'd got into a vicious circle: He wasn't attentive enough (neither was I), which meant my confidence was low, me having no confidence meant he thought I wasn't interested and so he had no confidence and showed no interest. Etc etc etc. The point is that we talked, and that was the big step.

Fast, did I say at any point that it MUST be Turkey's fault?
I asked and put forward a different point of view, he explained, all fine. I did find it odd that he kept putting the blame on her. It's only fair to probe it, as I do in most situations.

Of course. Perfectly fair.

Hang on... I'm just looking for the thread where the plaintive woman who's husband has lost interest in sex, has the situation "probed" to find out what she's doing wrong in the relationship that makes her fail to turn him on. After all, it would be odd to keep putting all the blame on him...

. . . . . . Nope. Still can't find it.

Couldn't wander around in my underwear without being groped/ leered at. Harmless my fella is but he finds me irresistible. I can't walk up the stairs in front of him without an "mmmm nice ass" comment. So yes I guessy big wobbly snow white bum turns him on

Fast, women who come here complaining, even about their husbands losing interest, are always asked if they have talked to them about it.
Often pps tell them to create more time for couple activities, to wear sexy lingerie, etc.
It's never a case of an immediate he's a bastard, or it's his fault.
In fact, very rarely do women say that their husbands have made these women lose interest in their husbands through their husband's lack of interest, as Poorturkeys did about his wife.

In general, it's more likely that women are made to be responsible for what happens in their relationships than not.
Most women are worried about what they can do or what they did to cause something. If their husbands don't pay any attention to them, they ask themselves if they are not attractive to them anymore.
On the other hand, some men, particularly abusive men, tend to blame their wives. "She didn't respond to my advances, so I looked for porn." or "I lost interest because of her response". I have to say Poorturkeys attitude did make me wonder, and that is why I probed him about it.
It would have been different to tell him that she wasn't interested in sex because of him.

Similar to you OP. We do have sex once a week but it does feel as if we are going through the motions, always with porn on in the background.

I have put on a lot of weight and my self confidence level is rock bottom. I don't want to talk about it because I feel that if I heard him confirm he no longer fancies me, that would just make me feel even worse.

Dressing up just makes me feel like an idiot and never has the desired response.