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Relationships

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Original poster

Do YOU turn your partner on?

80 replies

tory79 · 21/12/2013 14:36

Sorry, wasn't really sure how to phrase the title of this post!

I was thinking about dh and my sex life, and I realised that actually when he initiates sex t is because he wants sex..... As in I don't think he ever looks at me and thinks oooh my wife is hot, or she's looking sexy, I really want to have sex with her or anything like that, I think it's quite a separate thing. I don't know if that makes sense at all.

We were getting ready to go out the other night and I was wandering round in my underwear and I swear he never even noticed or looked at me, this is quite normal for us (although I don't often wander round in my underwear for this very reason - I always end up feelin slightly ignored!)

Is this normal/common?

OP posts:

ineedabodytransplant · 21/12/2013 16:03

If there had been a switch to turn my ex-OH on I never found it. Probably non-existent.

All I can say to all you lot who still fancy each other after 5 minutes, let alone 15 years etc.......you lucky bastards

neiljames77 · 21/12/2013 16:12

It's called "How do you know when", Lewji.

Lweji · 21/12/2013 16:23

What I found was a thread about tory not finding her OH attractive anymore because of his weight...

happycrimblechuckie · 21/12/2013 16:33

It seems reading this thread that most people think men are just after sex no matter who it is with. ( some are, I know!) Could you have sex with someone you didn't fancy OP, no, then why do you think your husband is so shallow that he can. Why don't you walk up to him in your underwear, instead of just getting on with getting ready, give him a kiss and then you will see if he fancies you or not. It is all about choosing your moments to get the right reaction surely. No good doing that if you are both running late, but if you have time, turn him on, go on do it, it is easy.

1muddymummy · 21/12/2013 16:54

I've been with DH for 13 years and I fancy the pants off him. I often find myself just staring at him. He always tells me I look lovely and gives me compliments. At the moment they're nearly all boob related because he is loving pregnancy boobs lol.
Maybe your OH just feels embarrassed to express himself?

Golddigger · 21/12/2013 17:25

I cant find the thread either.

So who doesnt fancy who because of their weigth?

Golferman · 21/12/2013 17:43

We are still having sex almost daily after 40 years together. We also have an open marriage and are swingers so get more sex than you can shake a stick at.

DuhDuhDuh · 21/12/2013 18:06

Or a willy at golferman!!

I think your situation might be a bit different though???????

Bowlersarm · 21/12/2013 18:07

Ooh get you golferman. Sounds exhausting.

redundantandbitter · 21/12/2013 18:22

My DDs father ignored me . I could have walked around in stocking and suspenders and he wouldn't have batted an eyelid. One time (the LAST time) I initiated sex (as a, frankly, desperate attempt at intimacy) he walked into the bedroom - had sex - went back downstairs to watch footie (pre recorded!) and I remember picking up my cup of tea and thinking "it's still warm". Bloody depressing. He NEVER discussed sex, didn't touch me for years.

There's no way my he would have discussed it with me - is your h able to express himself when it comes up sex?

My gorgeous exp and I fancied the pants off each other. Only had to look at each other in a certain way and we were taking our clothes off. I am glad I experienced it coz I thought it didn't exist. But it does. It's heartwarming to know some folk on this thread are fancied and still in love with their other halves.

neiljames77 · 21/12/2013 18:24

This daily sex after 40 years Golferman, is it with each other? Is it proper sex or is it as routine as brushing your teeth, putting the cat out, put the bin out, have a quick frotter, read a bit of your book, 'night dear?

DuhDuhDuh · 21/12/2013 18:27

I've never heard 'frotter' before but it's made me chuckle!!!!!!

neiljames77 · 21/12/2013 18:33

I wonder if he walks aroung the house nonchalantly, wearing a Paisley dressing gown, with a cigarette in a holder?

TheBookofRuth · 21/12/2013 18:39

No, I don't think I do, but it's not that he doesn't find me attractive, it's just that he has virtually no sex drive. It nearly broke us up once - I had my bag packed and was on my way out the door when he broke down and admitted that to me. I remember feeling a combination of relief - all this time I thought there was something wrong with ME! - and anger, because I bloody do have a sex drive, and he should have told me that before we got married.

We got counselling which helped with our lack of communication if not our lack of sex, and I've learned to live with it. I know I'm attractive, and there's more to life and our relationship than sex. He is a kind, loving, loyal, funny, clever, generous man and a fantastic father (we've managed to have enough sex to have 1 DC and another one on the way), and in 30 years time that's what will matter.

DuhDuhDuh · 21/12/2013 18:40

With some leather slip on slippers and a cravat ??

neiljames77 · 21/12/2013 19:01

DuhDuhDuh, what would happen if you did a bit of role playing?
Could you not do a lap dance for him or something?(I'm talking about your husband now btw, not Golferman)
Mrs neiljames77 did a lapdance for me. I even handed over a tenner because she said it would make it more realistic.

DuhDuhDuh · 21/12/2013 19:16

I don't think I'd have a chance with golferman - no pampous grass!!!

I'm not sure I'd be able to do a lap dance! I'm vvvvvvvv self conscious - I'd be afraid of rejection...........and laughter

poorturkeys · 21/12/2013 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

neiljames77 · 21/12/2013 19:37

Well at least you'd get some money out of it. I didn't get my money back because I broke the no touching rule after about 10 seconds.

It's rare that couples will be all over each other after 10, 15 or 20 years together.

DuhDuhDuh · 21/12/2013 19:52

Poor turkeys - that's really sad. Is it you just don't feel aroused due to her rejections or that she's a best friend rather than a sexy wife?

Neil - he would probably have borrowed the tenner from my purse anyway!! I'd love him not being able to keep his hands off me but I could never imagine it.

It's lovely that you broke the rules so quickly and find mrsneil so attractive!

justmethen · 21/12/2013 19:54

I think it's natural for the physical attraction and sex to wane. I would have thought it was rare to absolutely fancy the pants off each other after years together. That's certainly been my experience and that of my close friends.

poorturkeys · 21/12/2013 20:02

Duh - she has somehow managed to turn me off. I just don't associate her with sex in any shape or form now. I never think about her in that way now because I know for certain she's just not interested in sex, or sex with me, or sex with any man, as far as I know. A partner's complete lack of interest is a killer. That's how it has affected me anyway. She lives happily without any of that, likes to hold hands with me outside, but no touching inside....

DuhDuhDuh · 21/12/2013 20:06

Aw poorturkeys - have you told her? How long have you been together?

ARealPickle · 21/12/2013 20:08

The book of ruth. I think we are similar, my husband just has no drive and I didn't realise this until after we were married. I'm so envious of all these posts about regualar compliments, sexual intimacy.

My self esteem is more than shot.

BigBoPeep · 21/12/2013 20:10

5yrs together and still really fancy each other - anytime he spots me naked/in underwear I get attention, and I'll return the favour! We don't have as hectic a schedule as golferman, but we do a good job of it when we do it and look forward to it/back on it fondly which I'm happy with hope to fit more in when the kids fly the nest!

I think I'd be having a frank talk in your situation OP, get to the bottom of whether he can't express himself, has got sick of rejection (unintended or not) or has gone off me!

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