OH walked out on me yesterday. Still no word. WWYD?

[LapisBlue]

Hello, Mumsnetters

I'm in such turmoil and emotional pain I don't know what to do. My OH (fiance, actually, or he was supposed to be) has really unpleasant emotionally abusive tendencies. He is totally unable to cope with conflict and insults me appallingly. He never says sorry and shows no remorse. Oh, and he gave me Herpes.

He regularly threatens to leave me (he knows how much it hurts me as I've told him) and has now left me. Again. He did it two weeks ago but came back the following morning.

There has been no word from him for over 24 hours. What shall I do? I don't want to call his Mum and ask him if he's there (his Dad died recently and she has enough on her plate). He's been ignoring my texts, calls and emails. He has no money, or very little.

I'm just not sure what to do for the best. I feel sick. I reckon I need a big hug and a strong word.

Do the packing up in small doses, as you have strength. If you find yourself feeling angry it will help, but if not, grit your teeth and do it anyway.

Then take a break. And think of something else.

You are purging your flat of him. It's hard; it hurts, but it makes sense.

Crying so much. I know it will pass.

Will your Christmas plans need changing because of this?

Sorry, my post sounded much terser than I meant it. (Partly cos I didn't dodge my own bullet - had no recognition of EA). Of course it hurts, it is grieving for what could have been - except it couldn't have been, in reality. Crying is good.

HI Sparkly, no you weren't harsh. Don't worry. Can hardly see for my tears (how pathetic). Sobbing: so not a good look

Let it out Lapis

It took me a long time to cry chicken, you need to allow yourself to feel again!

We're still here!

Geez, nearly fifty. Glass of red wine and Strictly. Don't flame me but I tried calling him and he's still ignoring me. I would NEVER be so cruel to anyone. Ever.

Crying is good. Just because he's an absolute bastard you can still be sad for the entire bloody mess and the wretched way he's made you feel.

Then long hot bath, pjs, glass of wine and Strictly final, or whatever floats your boat. Because you are worth it.

If you have the kind of pals who can do late notice, get them round. If not, indulge yourself. ( and celebrate being able to chose exactly what you eat, drink, wear, watch on telly and generally breathe, I bet that will be a novelty).

Believe all of us on here. This is for the best. You are better than this. You will soon feel better.x

Ha! Cross posted! Go girl with the wine and tv.

Stern head shaking at phoning him. Bit like asking cockroaches if they would behave better if you let them back in...

I literally had to sit on my hands to stop myself calling when my ex disappeared.
Keep busy and treat yourself to an early night with your phone turned off and hopefully you will feel a little tiny bit stronger as each day passes. I journalled out my feelings which may or may not be your thing.
Please get RL support too. I have just spent an hour on the phone to a close friend whose DP just dumped her (cos mummy told him to) and I am sure you have RL friends who would drop stuff to support you.
Make some plans for yourself for the new year. Holidays, trips to see friends, good stuff for you.
What changes can you make? Career? Home? Time to concentrate on you.
And yeah, I am nearly fifty and it doesn't get any easier does it?

Meeting my sister tomorrow, who is very understanding and kind. He was always concerned that he "would spoil my life" so thanks, matey for the herpes and for the abuse. Nice one. What a catch I am now.

in other news. wish I could dance like the ladies on Strictly.

You are still the same kind of "catch" you were before.

Stop calling him. It is over. Don't demean yourself any more. It is horrible and it will hurt like hell but you have to go cold turkey otherwise you will just keep hurting yourself over an dover when you take him back time and time again.

When you do the same thing over and over you will get the same result. I know this is I have allowed people to hurt me time and time again and would do it even when I knew what the result would be and I would feel shit. And actually, I was the one doing the hurting as the other person had no clue what I was doing.

Ok lapis let's take a teeny tiny message from Strictly.

Every week Abbey looked like she was going to puke through nerves, and she bloody well did it anyway.
You can do this. You can be strong, independent and you CAN put yourself first.
You might feel scared and worried and nervous, but strap on those heels, dust off the feathers, sew on some sequins and get yourself a big, glittery wonderful life?
We are cheering you on

Good luck - keep your dignity and don't call him , it is what he wants. And I agree that next time will be worse. Don't let there be a next time. Drop his stuff off at his mums and text him that it's there as a prev poster suggested. Then turn your phone off - actually I would take the SIM card out and get a payg one for the moment. Delete him from your life and get friends and family to rally round. They will. Have an amazing 2014 without this prick.

He will NOT change.

Lapis my 6 yr relationship is over. We're still living in the same house so it's tough. I'm feeling a bit sad and emotional this eve but this relationship is over.

My exDP also has anger,communication issues. Ignores me for days. Jealous and insecure too. Not to mention how he treats my DO. It's over but I still miss him. Hugs to you, stay strong. We deserve better!