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Original poster

Housetraining... evolution of a husband...

146 replies

LemonDrizzleCake11 · 19/12/2013 11:45

Just thought I'd post a random musing I had regarding my husband's slow improvement in helping with housework to see if anyone is able to offer further hope for the future.

I was just thinking about laundry shows how riveting my life is

So in the first year of our marriage, when I asked Mr LemonDrizzleCake to help more with the laundry, he started putting the majority rather than the minority of his washing into the washing basket, as opposed to leaving it on the floor.

In the second year of marriage, the same request resulted in him starting to put loads of washing into the machine and starting a cycle. But not actually taking it out.

In the third year, a repeated plea for more help with the laundry yielded him discovering the ability to hang washing out on the airer after putting it through the machine.

In our fourth year of marriage, yet another discussion regarding laundry led to him discovering the ability to wash clothes, hang them on airer AND throw fold them into the washing basket again when dry.

Now into our fifth year of marriage my weekly laundry nag our periodic gentle discussion about laundry has helped him progress to putting clothes in the machine, taking them out and hanging them up, putting them in the basket once dry AND carrying the basket back upstairs.

With this stonking rate of evolution, I'm hopeful that in our sixth year of marriage he may manage to start putting the washing away afterwards.

Then maybe I could start working on other housetraining, such as how the bathroom does not self-clean, the hoover is not actually an independent being and important bits of paper sadly cannot self-file.

I'd love to hear others evolution stories!

OP posts:
LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 19/12/2013 16:30

What about the ironing OP - you didn't mention that, perhaps that's year 8!

For all those who say it should be an equal share of chores etc, you are right, but living with someone who is either oblivious or selfish is really hardwork, not just in terms of shouldering the load, but having to try and balance the relationship in terms of requesting equal share or becoming a complete nag if they don't do their share. Not many people would leave a relationship/break up a family because of unequal share of chores, there are so many other factors to consider.

I know it's not right, but sometimes the imbalance has to be lived with.

Tournesol · 19/12/2013 17:19

I am surprised that so many of you are giving the OP a hard time. Fair enough in an ideal world this would be a non issue but the fact is that some men do not pull their weight and at least the OP is working through it.

They way some people go on it is as if you should LTB if your partner doesn't do washing. Well I don't iron but I don't think DH should leave me as he is pretty poor on the food shop, so instead we work to our strengths!

Vivacia · 19/12/2013 17:35

My partner's "evolution".

Week 1 "this is how the machine works. Don't mix whites with darks".

Ever since, partner does the laundry because we are both adults.

TurnipCake · 19/12/2013 17:36

In the 6 years it took me to train and qualify as a doctor, your husband has learned how to do the laundry. Is he not ashamed or embarrassed? Seriously?

In those years of your repeated pleas and gentle discussions, how much precious time have you wasted - what things could you have been doing for yourself - 5 minute face mask? Tea and a nice book? Phone-calls with friends and loved ones?

It adds up.

lollerskates · 19/12/2013 17:50

Do any of these useless men have jobs? If so, how do they manage to not get fired? Is it because they have some respect and regard for their employers?

Tralalalalaaalalalalaaaaa · 19/12/2013 17:50

I once watched a crap fly on the wall type programme about couples and one woman was having a hard time with her lazy husband.

They told her to basically treat it how you would training a dog. She had to pat his head/ruffle his hair and tell him how good he was when he managed a chore. She even gave him a treat I think. Anyway, the next day he was much more helpful.

Shockingly sexist and offensive I know! Shock

But you might want to give it a try with the hoovering. Might get quicker results??!!

lollerskates · 19/12/2013 17:51

Not many people would leave a relationship/break up a family because of unequal share of chores

It's not "an unequal share of chores." It's one person thinking their partner is a mug - and the partner agreeing, really.

Vivacia · 19/12/2013 17:55

I think it's cultural, I think in some families it's just accepted. My sister-in-law on my partner's side lives like this. It's just normal for her friendship group, it's a bit of a joke (like the OP describes) and just isn't seen as a problem.

Lizzabadger · 19/12/2013 18:00

Honestly. I don't find this funny or cute. He is an adult. He should pull his weight.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 19/12/2013 18:06

this is where I amble in and say that my DH pretty much does it all. It helps that I am at work all hours so if he didnt then I would be sitting here stark naked

DH has sometimes suggested that we should all wear one-size-fits-all onesies in the winter and go nudist in the summer.

Been married 20 odd years. DH was SAHP for many of those looking after our three DCs (and me).

AlbertGiordinHoHoho · 19/12/2013 18:06

I love these threads. For those of you with husbands/partners that don't like housework as much as you do - LTB it'll do him the world of good!!!! Grin

RemoteControlGeekToyOfTheYear · 19/12/2013 18:07

DP and I both have a massive blind spot when it comes to housework. However, DP cooks 99.99% of the time and does the dishwasher loading/unloading, and I do the weekly ironing. Fair division, I say Xmas Wink

I was recently off for a fortnight with the flu and asked DP to do the washing for me. It took him five days - day 1, the washing got moved from the basket in the bedroom to the laundry basket downstairs. Day 2 it got put in the machine and turned on. Day 3 it got put on the heated airer, and day 4 it got taken off and put into the basket for carrying upstairs. It didn't make it up the stairs until the following day though.

Sometimes, I am also as bad. It took two days for the current load to make it onto the drier and it's been on there now for a further two days, so I might yet break his 5 day record!

Megglevache · 19/12/2013 18:14

My dh used to leave socks and pants on floor...even when I was ill and struggled to bend.....I managed enough to put anything on the floor in the bin....I think he'd run out after 2 weeks and I told him why......he bought new underwear that weekend.... mondays went in the bin as did Tuesdays....by Wednesday nothing was EVER on the floor. Grin

AskBasilAboutCranberrySauce · 19/12/2013 19:31

I'm not sure if people have utter contempt for men or if they are desperately trying to pretend that it's OK that men treat them with contempt.

Either way, I'm glad I don't live with one like this. I hope my DD never does and I hope my DS doesn't become one like this.

redundantandbitter · 19/12/2013 19:33

My DDs seperate their clothes into dark/lights and put them in the the respective washing baskets. Don't even have to ask them anymore. There are 8 and 5. They also make their beds, clear the table etc. there's no way I can run around pretending that we have a 'cleaning / washing fairy' . Don't get me wrong they are normal messy etc they know its nice to help out . Hope they don't have to 'train' a man when they grow up what a horrible thought

bigkidsdidit · 19/12/2013 19:38

Six years? SIX YEARS?

Did his boss spend six years teaching him how to turn a computer on and send an email? Because it's the same level of difficulty.

He just doesn't want to do it. And he knows of he leaves it you'll do it for him. I couldn't live with someone who played me like that.

Mrswellyboot · 19/12/2013 19:41

Well I was really annoyed with dh as we had visitors this morning and last night put all the washing on every radiator on the house, downstairs toilet everywhere!! Confused

Despite having airers. Know it's not a major problem!!! But still!!!

AnyBagsofOxfordFuckers · 19/12/2013 19:41

Do people know it's illegal to marry children? Because all NT (and many non-NT) adults know how to do housework. Not wanting to do it, or trying to get out of it, or letting someone you purport to love and respect do most or all of it, is another matter.

Beachcomber · 19/12/2013 19:48

What Basil said.

And, hi Basil Smile

AskBasilAboutCranberrySauce · 19/12/2013 19:51

at Beachcomber

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 19/12/2013 19:56

I have a friend whose husband suddenly died this year, last week she said that she felt she had spent. 20 years training him up, it had taken all that tome, for bloody nithing!

How we laughed, cried a bit, then laughed...

So 20 years it takes, apparently.

Good luck. Me, I'm halfway there....

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 19/12/2013 19:57

All that TIME for bloody nothing

( burns i pod)

Beachcomber · 19/12/2013 19:58

Rightbackatcha Basil. Really good to see you. Posting good old common sense as usual.

BuffytheElfSquisher · 19/12/2013 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElizabethBathory · 19/12/2013 22:04

The thing is...SO many men are like this. It's all very well saying ltb, he has no respect for you, etc? but is that really true? Are all these men genuinely that bad and have only married their wives so that they have a house slave?

Or is it that men and women have been socialised into "their" roles from birth and it often takes a lot of effort for both parties to communicate their feelings about housework and work out how to share it properly?

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