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Relationships

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Original poster

One night stand

105 replies

bedhead2008 · 17/12/2013 20:44

Had my first one night stand on Friday with a colleague. I had never really spoken to him before Friday, although I had noticed him (he is very, very good looking!!).

I am now incredibly embarrassed as I was very drunk and the sex was, well, awkward! I woke up in the early hours and left, he was asleep.

As I knew I would have to see him in work, I sent him a friendly email apologising for my behaviour and checking it wouldn't be awkward on Monday. He was friendly, said I should have stayed and he would have taken me home, told me not to be silly that it wouldn't be awkward.

Well it has been very awkward. He can't even look at me. I know he is single. I don't know what to do now? I now feel like I like him, but I'm not sure if this is normal after a one night stand? I feel so shit about the awkwardness as I'd hoped we could be friendly/I could gage if things could go further.

How should I handle this? What should I do? He is changing departments soon and I will not be seeing as much of him after next week.

OP posts:

cantthinkofagoodone · 17/12/2013 20:52

So if you would like to progress things, you've given the wrong impression by leaving in the middle of the night. I would wait for him to move department and then ask him out for a drink.

Original poster

bedhead2008 · 17/12/2013 20:53

He will still be around my department one day a week and I feel so scared about being forward. I am not very confident and the awkwardness of him saying no would be too much. What should I do?!

OP posts:

EQ2Junkie · 17/12/2013 20:53

How about suggesting you go for a drink after he changes department?

Twinklestein · 17/12/2013 20:54

Leaving in the early hours isn't exactly a confidence boost!

Between that & the awkward sex, I'm not surprised he can't look at you.

I would be mature & just go and talk to him confidently in a relaxed way, that will diffuse the embarrassment. And it will also get you talking if that's what you want...

Twinklestein · 17/12/2013 20:55

xpost - you can fake confidence though - just act.

Original poster

bedhead2008 · 17/12/2013 20:57

What if he said no?! I feel like he's waaay out of my league. If he liked me, surely he would have made more conversation in the emails I sent him the next day?

OP posts:

rpitchfo · 17/12/2013 20:59

well you left in the middle of the night i think that puts the onus on you to make the first move if you like him.

I'd be gutted if someone left before i woke up.

Original poster

bedhead2008 · 17/12/2013 20:59

This sounds like a stupid question but I am not used to one night stand etiquette! Why was it bad to leave before he woke?

OP posts:

Vivacia · 17/12/2013 21:01

Leaving early makes out you couldn't wait to escape.

Vivacia · 17/12/2013 21:01

But I'm not familiar with one night stand etiquette, I'm just making an assumption.

MadBusLady · 17/12/2013 21:02

Well, it just implies you massively regret the decision to go home with them in the first place. Think about how you'd feel if you woke up to that?

I'd be gutted too. I'm not surprised he can't look at you. Sounds like a nice email he sent, considering.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 17/12/2013 21:02

the same reason it's bad to leave halfway through a dinner party, or half way through a weekend away...because the host thinks it reflects on them and you look like you haven't enjoyed it.

What's the worst that can happen - ask him out for a coffee and drink and say you're a bit and take it from there. You'll find out how he views it.

Original poster

bedhead2008 · 17/12/2013 21:03

Oh god, it was only because I was so embarrassed. I had taken off all my clothes and I looked awful (self-conscious of my body and could not believe I had let such a gorgeous man see my body!).

Is there a more subtle way to find out his feelings other than asking him for a drink?!

OP posts:

Original poster

bedhead2008 · 17/12/2013 21:04

Plus I was still drunk!

OP posts:

LineRunner · 17/12/2013 21:04

How many emails did you send him the next day?

EQ2Junkie · 17/12/2013 21:04

Be brave, just ask.

MadBusLady · 17/12/2013 21:07

I think the time for subtle has now passed, really. Be honest, say you messed up with leaving early, it was nerves, you'd like to try that again but more calmly and with a clothes-on having-a-drink bit first. If he's a decent bloke (which he sounds from what little we have) he'll either say yes, or he'll say no nicely. No shame in that.

Vivacia · 17/12/2013 21:07

Best just not say anything then and get over it.

Original poster

bedhead2008 · 17/12/2013 21:08

This is the conversation

Me: Hey, sorry about last night I’m so embarrassed! Hope everything is ok and work won’t be too awkward on Monday?!

Him: Hey! Don't be daft, I'm sorry as well! Too much alcohol flying around I think! Nah don't worry it won't be awkward. Was going to message you anyway to make sure you got home okay! You should have waited until the morning and I would have taken you home

Me: I have no memory of getting home, a brief flashback of getting lost in the hotel god knows how long it took me to get out! I saw your text to my friend saying I'd followed you and was so embarrassed haha.

Him: Never thought of that! I got lost in there when I was sober! Haha don't be silly. I vaguely remember having to hold you up when you were walking but most of it is a blur!

Me: Well going by the cut on my knee I would say you didn't do a very good job! Don't suppose you noticed if I left my keys there? Can't find them anywhere!

Him: Well I was trying to hold myself up as well! Haha I didn't see them sorry and I had a good look at the end to check I hadnt lost any money!

OP posts:

MadBusLady · 17/12/2013 21:09

BTW I think awkward sex is par for the course if you're both rat-arsed. This is why it's a good idea to have a lot of soft drinks if that's what you have in mind

Casmama · 17/12/2013 21:11

I think by apologising for your behaviour you may have given the impression that you regret it. This will only compound the impression given by leaving during the night.

Now you decide you like him?

Tbh if it was a drunken ONS then it shouldn't really have been awkward - I think you need to write this one off.

ONSs don't often lead to relationships (my dh did though ) so maybe worth holding off a little longer if you would like to see someone again.

LineRunner · 17/12/2013 21:11

I think he likes you. That is a comfortable email conversation.

MadBusLady · 17/12/2013 21:12

x-post, well that sounds like he's happy to write it off as a drunken incident, or is acting that way at least. So your choices are still, forget it, or grit your teeth and ask him out in case he's being defensive.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 17/12/2013 21:17

I think the issue is, neither of you are clear what you're sorry about - the sex, the drunkenness or the midnight flit.

it's a very british dilemma - how do i find out if the man I shagged likes me without asking him directly?

but I am inclined to agree with MadBusLady.

Original poster

bedhead2008 · 17/12/2013 21:17

God I feel like I am 16 again. I feel like I need to ask him out, it's just working myself up to it. I really like him and am gutted I have given the impression otherwise!

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