I think he's got me a bread maker for Christmas...

[TinyAK]

I wasn't supposed to see anything and I don't know for sure, but it definitely looks like some kind of kitchen appliance. It makes me feel quite sick at the thought... We've only been together a couple of years and until now all his gifts have been very romantic (jewelry, flowers, customized cards...). What on earth do I do?!

I'd love a bread maker! Do you enjoy cooking? If not I can see why it's not a suitable present but I can't see how the 'gender stereotype/get in the kitchen and cook me something' is more offensive around a kitchen appliance than jewellery is 'look pretty and do nothing useful' or flowers are just unimaginative and die quickly!

We've got FIL a coffee maker, is that going to be unwanted??

I was after a new snazzy vacuum this year from my husband but my nan beat him to it ;) she sent me a bunch of cash so I blew it on an all singing all dancing Bosch vacuum, I love it!
My husband decided to get me jewellery instead. Bread maker is actually a fab gift, I want one!

I've put a panini press on my wish list and I've bought DH the hedge trimmers that he keeps on about. Shit, I didn't realise my marriage was in such trouble or that I was such a traitor to the cause.

How on earth is a kitchen appliance more gendered than flowers, jewellery, over priced handbag and all that shit?
I am really saddened by the people who advise getting something more expensive on "his credit card" too - really?

Sounds like a nice gift, but if it's not for you, just say so.

I've been given a Hoover by a boyfriend of 3 months, total honey moon period time. It's lovely!

Never say you'd quite like something domestic. Years ago I said I really liked those retro looking kitchen aid mixers. Well now our kitchen has just been done up guess what I got for my birthday???? Yep, a colour co-ordinated kitchen aid!

Haven't the heart to tell him that after 22 years of marriage with many lovely presents (and some a bit more miss than hit) that this just made my heart sink! He was so proud of himself. I never saw it coming or I probably would have made comments along the line of how hideous it is when partners buy their wives kitchen gadgets etc.

Oh well....

Why indeed is a kitchen appliance gendered?

What is derogatory about cooking?

If someone likes cooking and cooks for their partner, is this subservient? The end of love?

I have a Japanese rice cooker/steamer which on some days I love more than my DH ( it plays cute song too! My DH never sings cute songs after cooking me rice)

How can u be so upset is have been thrilled. They cost over £400 and are soooo pretty and so useful. I had to buy mine myself

Can't see the problem here! Certainly nothing to feel sick about .... a present is a present. Just imagine how you would feel if he just didn't bother?

DH bought me a KitchenAid for Christmas last year. I nearly wet myself with excitement. It is one of my best presents ever! . BUT I love baking.

And when I casually told him that a few weeks ago, he was like and was actually quite hurt, he said after all the diamonds I have bought you love your KitchenAid more? Yes but I have loads of nice diamondy things, but only one KitchenAid ...

bellavita call me shallow but I'm quite partial to a diamond or two

What all of these responses show is that we're all different when it comes to the kind of gifts that we like to receive. There's no right or wrong about it, and nothing to say that a practical gift is more or less 'gender-related' than anything more fluffy.

OP - do you have a list? Have you given any obvious hints about what you want/don't want? If not, then your OP is - presumably - trying to buy you something that he thinks you like?

Saying that it makes you feel sick at the thought is a bizarre and, frankly, rather childish thing to say.

If he has bought you a bread-maker, and you don't like it (for whatever reason), then the grown up thing to do would be to tell him once you have received it, and ask him if you can change it for something you would rather have. No need to make a big deal out of it. But just tell him that you prefer not to receive this kind of gift.

I would make some kind of comment about making sure that you both keep all receipts for your shopping just in case 'anyone' needs to change anything after Christmas, so that you're covered!

We aren't buying each other presents this year!

nowahousewife - oh me too , but I had best of both worlds last year!

I got dh a breadmaker

I'd love a kitchenaid as well but instead I always get some frivolous crap jewellery

Bread makers are the biz. Throw in the flour, seeds, yeast and out comes perfect, warm, home-made bread.

Buy yourself whatever you really want, and then you'll have 2 presents.

I think the world is split between people like my mother who would have been very upset to have something for the house and my MIL who wants something for the house.you need to make it plain which you are.
I would see a bread maker as something we just bought if and when we needed one.

If you don't want to say anything I would just go out and buy one now and he will have to rethink.

Most of my presents from my DH of 2 years are 'things for the house' - I am disabled, the house is where I spend my time.

I'd love a breadmaker too, but I'd also love more kitchen worktop space to put it on. I got a food mixer for my birthday (would have LOVED a kitchenaid - but just too expensive) and last Christmas a stick blender, a blowtorch and pasta bowls.

They are luxuries, actually, no one needs any of the above, and they were bought with love. You could say, well, he eats out of one of the pasta bowls, which is true, but I think if you start worrying that much you're probably missing the point.

If you really don't like it, you can hopefully be honest enough about it and it can go back after Christmas in exchange for a household appliance you'd like better

So lots of people would be happy with a breadmaker...the point is that it seems the OP would NOT be.

As for jewellery and kitchen aids both being gendered, the difference between the two IMO, is that one is a nice frivolity [if you like that sort of thing] and the other is 'wife worky'

A kitchenaid is wife worky? Really? Because much as I adore mine and use it frequently, it's definitely a frivolity (and I do like that sort of thing), crap all to do with work.

The jewellery serves no purpose but to pretty you up. I know which I'd rather have.

My partner just rang me, he's out getting my present. Oh the panic in his voice! Can't find anywhere to park. He's gone armed with my list. Doesn't know where to buy said items. It's so funny! Said shall I get you a dress from next. No it's not on the list. I can choose you a nice dress. Ended up saying only if I can take it back if it's horrible! He did get my size right though. He's also said he's cooking Xmas dinner. I'm not allowed in the kitchen! Not sure what the outcome will be! He is trying though! Lol

About 6 months after we were first going out it was my birthday. My boyfriend bought me a....toaster. I was stunned into silence while I stared incredulously at the only partially unwrapped 'present'. I had (or so I thought) been hinting heavily about a certain perfume that I really, really liked.

He obviously saw my surprise and explained that he was replacing the toaster that had been stolen from my house a few weeks previously during a burglary should have replaced telly, maybe? .

Anyway, I gave him another chance and at Christmas, again hinting about perfume, I received a watch. He said that I was always asking the time and didn't wear a watch. I don't like wearing them! I use my phone nowadays.

He's now my husband (18 years) and I know that he thinks carefully about my presents but only considers practical things not frivolous stuff like perfume. I now explain exactly what I want rather than hinting...

OP, I am wondering whether your DH is thinking in practical terms too. I would not like a breadmaker either but they are all the rage nowadays and perhaps he thinks that you will be pleased at getting something modern and useful.