Friendships...?

[LiamsMum]

Hi everyone
Does anyone else find that people are so unreliable these days?? I just wanted to get a few other perspectives on this. I have some female friends who I've known for a long time, but it so hard to rely on them anymore. One of them always insists that I come and visit her at her house about twice a month, but many times when we arrange for her to come to my house, she cancels at the last minute. Some of the excuses she gives me are laughable - she did it to me again yesterday and I felt really hurt. And yet she phones me almost every week and it's usually her that suggests that we get together. I get so tired of her inconsistency, but I've known her for 20 years so I can't really imagine ending the friendship. A couple of my other friends also 'blow hot and cold' - a girlfriend that I've known for 12 years seems to just come in and out of my life. Towards the end of last year, she was phoning me regularly and I was also calling her and sending her emails. Then all of a sudden, I don't hear from her anymore - don't even know where she is. She has done this quite a few times over the years that I have known her. My husband & I have talked about how hard it is to consider people "real friends" these days. It makes me feel so unimportant to be treated this way... does this happen to anyone else? Thanks for listening.

missdilema - not got much time but sounds a bit threatened and jealous of you perhaps? If you have a chance and value her friendship, have it out with her, if not quietly drop her.

misdilemma, I'd carry on being friendly and polite but I would also not make any effort with this friend at all. It doesn't sound like she is worth it TBH. In your position I think I'd concentrate on trying to make new friends (I know you don't have much time, but) who give you more than this. Good luck.

She sounds like a very complicated person to me, and by the sounds of it, not a very reliable friend. If she treats you that way at the school, you have to wonder why she does it.. if she was really your friend I doubt she would behave that way. I get the impression that she contacts you when it's convenient for her, but otherwise she's not all that interested. I would probably try to avoid her altogether, as wickedwaterwitch said be friendly and polite but don't try to engage in a conversation with her. Easier said than done probably, but you really don't need people like this in your life!! Good luck.

maybe now you dont go out drinking together the things you had incommon are gone? i have frriends for different things - i have drinking friends - who are nutcases and very funny if you want a fab night out, i have a moaning friend - one to listen to problems and visa versa. there are people who have the common interest with the kids and we go out on a saturday to a country pub while they run themselves silly. and a best friend who is unique. they all seem to fulfil certain parts of me - what this person is doing is a power game - ignoring you at school then wanting to come round for a brew, play it back, when she calls tell her your going out!

You've all confirmed really what was in my mind to do so thanks,I think I'm doing the right thing by dropping her.You're right I don't need it.Now I just need to concentrate on making some new friends.

What is it with people these days??!! A friend of mine who I've only known for a short time (she works with dh) suggested about a month ago that we get together with our toddlers one day, and then rang me to organise a date. I couldn't make it on the day she suggested, so we organised it for the following week. Then it turned out that she wasn't able to make it the following week, and said that we would get together the week after. Well I didn't hear from her, and then today (a couple of weeks later) she rang and left a message on my answering machine, saying that she wanted to get together and to call her on her mobile.

A couple of hours later I called her mobile and she was at an office Christmas party, and said she would phone me right back. That was about 4 hours ago. SO - I am just wondering - is it just me or is it like this for everyone these days?! The fact that it seems to be so hard to organise something with someone. I would be interested to hear if others are experiencing the same thing or whether I'm just (unfortunately) meeting the type of people who are basically unreliable.

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I met another mum through a friend and, unfortunately, our two ds's get on like a house on fire. I say unfortunately, because nearly every time we arrange to do something together, she cancels at the last minute. I don't mind so much for me (though it's a bit depressing to think there are such are huge number of more enticing options than an afternoon spent with my good self), but my ds (who's 4) can't understand why his friend, who he was looking forward to playing with, is not now coming. I now take the precaution of not telling ds we're going to see them until it gets to the point when we're getting in the car, which is a bit extreme, but I feel it's so unfair on him. Unfairer still on her poor ds, who can't know whether he's coming or going.