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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Me again - what do I do for the best ?

227 replies

Mosman · 02/12/2013 00:05

So I'm still in Perth Australia. I was working, had a great job which I got made redundant from because the market here has gone so quiet it's like 2007 in the uk. It came with a 457 visa which means no entitlement to child benefit, rental assistance or tax credits equivalent.
Dickhead managed to get himself a commission only job which just covers the rent and food, nothing else. He needs a car - we have a loan for $1100 a month - we simply cannot pay it.
With the job going my visa is finished on 25th January 2014 unless one of us gets sponsorship - based on previous experience it's unlikely to be him.
He wants, no sorry is insisting on staying in Perth.
God knows how - he wants us to get permanent residency but time is not on our side - come 25th January we would be here illegally which will go against us in any application for residency.
So it's down to me to get a job and another visa to help a man who's screwed me over for the past five years to live his dream and the only reason I would do this is so my kids see their father.
If I go back to the uk he plans to visit once a year and Skype FFs.
I have concerns about what child support he would pay - its my only source of income ATM and he regularly threatens to withdraw it even now.
What do I do ? I am so worried the children will blame me for taking them from their father and friends and tbh Perth is the better place to bring kids up. I just can't even think straight with all the stress.
To add insult to injury he is online dating, telling the children the names of his one night stands, choosing to go and see women the night before he leaves for a business trip rather than job hunting. He's a complete cunt tbh, I wonder how much of a loss he would be to the kids anyway if they never saw him again.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 03/12/2013 13:55

Well, it looks like 34DD has a plan!

He wants to "live the dream" in Australia, he better ensure he has the visa, and the job to enable him to do so, in his own right then!

Mosman · 03/12/2013 14:30

He's on borrowed time ... He knows this ...
I don't want to cut my nose off to spite my face but equally if he isn't working legally he's neither use not ornament.

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Mosman · 03/12/2013 14:30

Use nor ornament

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MillyRules · 03/12/2013 14:34

Does that mean that you have now decided to do what 34DD has said and everything is sorted?

Mosman · 03/12/2013 14:39

Ok so I had a job interview today which kind of confirmed there is no way I can stay here without him paying proper child support and I mean a decent chunk - with no tax credits and help with nursery plus school feed for state school the numbers simply don't add up.
So I am looking at the 11th Ddcember as a deadline if he hasn't a proper job by then we are packing and heading home and I will force him to follow.
What he does next I'd entirely up to him isn't it.
I do want to stay here but not at any price.

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Blossomflowers · 03/12/2013 14:41

I sure you said sometime back that you have the visa and without you he can not work? Is that right or do I have it all wrong. sorry if I do

34DD · 03/12/2013 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MillyRules · 03/12/2013 16:03

You an Aussie 34DD?

Mosman · 04/12/2013 01:08

Yes it's my visa and if I phoned DIAC now and told them we'd split up he ought not to be working ... However given that gd is covering the rent and a bit towards food and stuff I'm not going to cut my nose off.
Having slept on it I think it's a bad idea to be in Australia without PR and without any support ... That's just mental do my choices are helping him achieve what we came here to do or go home and not give a shit what he does one way or another.

OP posts:
AuntieVenom · 04/12/2013 06:25

Do you have to stay in Perth? If you want to stay in Australia why not look at another city? Adelaide, Sydney, Canberra, Brisbane? You might even find you've got better job prospects.

Blossomflowers · 04/12/2013 08:42

Morning mos well morning here anyway. So basically you are saying that you can not stay in Oz without his support because childcare and schooling would be un affordable , bet your DP knows this too and thinks you do not have the balls to leave. If I am right in this then you have no choice but to come back now and dob him in, he will have no choice but to follow, Oh diddums his dream over. NOT your problem. AS I said many posts back you can not go on living with this sad excuse of a man, he will destroy you.

Mosman · 04/12/2013 12:00

I wish we'd gone to Sydney tbh but I don't think the kids could face another move, at least if I go to the UK it's the same familiar house and schools etc

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Mosman · 04/12/2013 12:02

He isn't coming back, he has said today by hook or by crook he is staying, plans to get a 457, will put me on it so I can work part time and that's that until he gets us PR

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ravenousbugblatterbeast · 04/12/2013 12:40

Just a couple of financial points-the School fees aren't coming into force until Jan 2015, and will be $4k for the first child, $2k thereafter. However 457 fees have rocketed, a couple and 3 DC would now cost $2850.. And that's assuming you haven't illegally overstayed before applying. Do what suits you, not what he wants or what will annoy him most. Good luck...

Mosman · 05/12/2013 00:51

I'm not telling him that though otherwise ill be back in the same boat in 2015

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ravenousbugblatterbeast · 05/12/2013 04:13

No, exactly, just so you know.

Jux · 05/12/2013 17:22

But his plans are crap and he doesn't achieve them, so what he is saying is as irrelevant as ever.

Leave Aus. Stick to 11th as your deadline. I am sure you could return in a while without him, and in better fettle, with better prospects, if you wanted to.

Longdistance · 05/12/2013 21:12

Mos. Things are picking up here in the Uk.

My dh was given three job offers in one weeks he took the one that he was most keen on. So there is work here if you want it.

As you said earlier, they treat HR as a joke in Oz, I'd say you'd a better chance here.

Mosman · 05/12/2013 23:32

I have flights booked for the 26th December, school places sorted and my house is empty.
I'm going back, if he wants to and can get PR for us all before I divorce him then great he can do so from the uk where we have a roof over our heads but lets face it I don't think I'll be returning.

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MistAllChuckingFrighty · 05/12/2013 23:34

Mos, I am glad you are getting away from him. I think your life will become much clearer without him in it on a daily basis.

You will manage. You rock, and you will be ok.

Mosman · 06/12/2013 00:06

Thank you ... I hope you're right because the kids behaviour lately has been appalling, hopefully it'll improve with some stability

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AuntieVenom · 06/12/2013 02:48

Oh well done! I'm sure you'll have a much better life back in the UK.

treadheavily · 06/12/2013 03:37

I think going back is the smartest thing you have done in a long time. Let's face it, your Australian adventure has been a disaster.

Longdistance · 06/12/2013 03:48

Yay!

I'm so glad you're leaving fuckwit there to boil. Your dc will be better off without this wanker exposing them to shit like his latest conquest. What an utterly vile man.

Maybe you can have a bit of Xmas magic when you get back. I never liked Xmas there in the heat, if felt silly and just so wrong.

Have you told the dc yet?

OddFodd · 06/12/2013 10:10

I'm so, so pleased to read that Mosman. I think you will all be an awful lot happier. Good for you x