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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Facebook cheating and God knows what else.

32 replies

Everybodyhurts · 30/11/2013 14:12

Nc'd for this so as not to out myself. I'm very upset and in need of advice please.
What would you do if you found sexually explicit private messages on your boyfriend's Facebook that he had sent to other women?

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 30/11/2013 14:13

Find a new boyfriend.

Original poster
Everybodyhurts · 30/11/2013 14:19

Yeah it may well be time for that.
Some of them are women he works with. I feel like forwarding these messages to their husbands ??
Why do they do it?
And if he wanted to write things like that in messages why not write them to me?

OP posts:
LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 30/11/2013 14:19

What Isla said!!!

RollerCola · 30/11/2013 14:23

I did. We're getting divorced.

IslaValargeone · 30/11/2013 14:25

'May well be time for that' ??
This isn't going to get better you know.
Get rid.

Original poster
Everybodyhurts · 30/11/2013 14:27

I've been cheated on in the past too and he knows this.
I can't believe he's doing it to me. ??

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 30/11/2013 14:27

That is exactly what I thought Isla. Why 'may'?

How much dis-respect is enough for you to dump him?

Original poster
Everybodyhurts · 30/11/2013 14:29

Sorry, that came out wrong.
I'm so upset. I should have said it is time after this discovery.
I just don't know what to do or say to him now.

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 30/11/2013 14:31

You realise it's not you who needs to explain anything don't you?
Do you live together?

Diagonally · 30/11/2013 14:32

Why do they do it? Who cares.

I'd dump straight away.

Original poster
Everybodyhurts · 30/11/2013 14:33

No we don't live together.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 30/11/2013 14:34

Dump him with your Facebook status?

LucyGracey · 30/11/2013 14:36

This seems to happen a lot over facebook, sadly. It looks like it's just a part of the age we're in- at least he can't deny it with the evidence there. Have you talked to him about it yet?

Original poster
Everybodyhurts · 30/11/2013 14:38

No I've not said anything yet.
I only saw the messages last night.
Been sitting here not knowing what to do since then.

OP posts:
Diagonally · 30/11/2013 14:40

Just text him you've read his FB messages to x,y & z, and your relationship is over.

Keep it short and to the point.

IslaValargeone · 30/11/2013 14:42

That's great then, no complications.
Take a deep breath and send send a text saying it's over. Don't contact me.
I don't suppose you want to divulge you have been looking/checking up on his face book page, but he presumably has form?
Just don't allow yourself to be drawn into any discussion.
Have a quick cry, but then realise you have had a lucky escape and celebrate the fact you deserve better.
You are in a very lucky position that there are no practical complications like living together.
I know you are hurting and I don't wish to gloss over that, but there is nothing but misery ahead for you if you continue to see him.
Grab a friend tonight, drink wine and eat chocolate.

hotblacktea · 30/11/2013 14:44

sorry this has happened to you
no need to agonize over this, ask why etc
dump his sorry arse and don't look back

PerpendicularVince · 30/11/2013 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZombieMojaveWonderer · 30/11/2013 15:51

Just say 'welcome to dumpsville, population YOU!' And get on with your life because he's obviously a cunt and you can do so much better!

Original poster
Everybodyhurts · 30/11/2013 16:00

It's a horrible thing to be happening with Christmas round the corner.
I know I will have to finish with him.
I just don't know how.

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 30/11/2013 16:05

I'm sorry, I really don't wish to appear unsympathetic but I don't get what the problem is?
You tell him you don't want to continue seeing him. End of.
If you want to tell him you have seen his sexual messages to a woman who isn't you then fine.
You don't owe him an explanation.
Entering into some extended dialogue will only allow him to attempt to justify his actions and manipulate you.
The fact that you are dithering over this suggests to me you are somewhat lacking in self esteem, don't let him exploit that.

Original poster
Everybodyhurts · 30/11/2013 16:08

Yes you're right, I am lacking self esteem.
This has happened before and I can't believe I'm here again.

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 30/11/2013 16:10

Now is the time to start getting some then lovely.
Have a good look in the mirror, channel some Cheryl Cole and tell yourself you are worth it.
Then dump his sorry ass.

MonkeysInTheFog · 30/11/2013 16:14

What do you mean you don't know how?

What is it you're struggling to understand?

It's really not difficult.

IslaValargeone · 30/11/2013 16:23

I cannot stress enough how lucky you are that you are not tied by kids or property. Lots of women who find out their partners are shits are sahm with small kids no jobs and they have a hell of a time finding the courage to end the relationship. It is extremely difficult for them because they have so much to sort out.
Some don't leave and then waste the rest of their lives with the same crappy guy who sucks out every ounce of respect and self worth from them until they are hollow.
Do not let that woman be you. This will not get better, he will not change.

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