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Original poster

did you have pre wedding nerves?

63 replies

OohBridget · 29/11/2013 13:39

I get married in a fortnight and up until today never felt any nerves etc.

yesterday my friend and I met s complete stranger. An old chap running a stall. Ww were chatting about areas and work etc. When my impending marriage plans came up. He went on and on about how marriage ruins everything etc.

now im like. . oh fuck. lol

did anyone have any niggles and if so how has it all panned out. I'm trying to decide if my new found nerves are silly. . I haven't got long to back out lol!!

OP posts:
Original poster
OohBridget · 29/11/2013 13:40

excuse typos Hmm must start proof reading

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maras2 · 29/11/2013 13:45

Nah.I looked forward to it so much that I bored friends,family and fiance to death during the 3 week build up to it.Will probably do the same on the build up to our 40th anniversary next year.Best wishes for your wedding and rest of your lives together. Mx.

Ilanthe · 29/11/2013 13:46

Yes, terribly. No idea why. We're very happy 7 years on with 2 DC.

Original poster
OohBridget · 29/11/2013 13:51

Oh brilliant responses Grin wipes sweat from forehead

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Yellowcake · 29/11/2013 14:15

Honestly, who do you trust here? Your own decisions on who to love and commit to, or some random old man with a bee in his bonnet about his bachelor years??? Would you take financial/wedding dress/career advice from some guy you met on a market stall??? Especially one who is rude enough to hit someone he knows is about to be married with 'Don't do it, it's awful'...?

newestbridearound · 29/11/2013 16:13

I was absolutely fine for the entire 18 month run up to the wedding, so excited and happy, then for some reason about 3 weeks before suddenly woke up with a real sense of dread. No idea where it came from and couldn't specify why I felt it, but it was like I'd been hit by a bus- I was suddenly terrified. It passed after a couple of days though and I got married in May (signed up to MN the day after my honeymoon ended, really need to name change!) feeling ecstatic Smile. Since then I've been very poorly and my husband has been helping me in every way possible, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Ignore what that guy said to you, I think the odd jitter is normal but if you feel happy and loved and adore your fiancee then you will be fine. Come wedding day chances are you will have completely forgotten them.

ProfondoRosso · 29/11/2013 16:17

Oh hell yes. But I have generalised anxiety disorder, so it just got heightened. Nothing to do with being the centre of attention, whether or not I was ready to commit, rather that I'd be a wreck on the day and end up fainting or throwing up!

Neither happened, and it was the best day ever. Smile

Though I did lose 1.5 stone in the months leading up to the wedding because of my nerves and henceforth my dress fitted a lot better (it was off the peg, not made). Every cloud, eh?

TobyLerone · 29/11/2013 16:17

Nope. Not this time. I did before my first wedding, and it turns out I should have listened to them!

2nd time around, however, I was never anything but excited to marry DH. I knew it was the right thing to do and I never had a single doubt.

Some wanker will always make a stupid comment about losing one's freedom or whatever, though.

Doppledanger · 29/11/2013 16:21

Yes, a little bit.... Think it's fairly normal!? Still happily married 13 years later.x

Lweji · 29/11/2013 16:23

No. I should have had and ran off. :( Except now I have DS.

I'm sure yours will be fine. This man was probably just bitter. Resenting not having enough attention due to the children, or not enough sex because of the children, or actually having to step up as a partner. Who knows. :)

Unless your jitters are caused by particular issues. You could check red flags lists and see if any significant ones apply to your future DH.

ApocalypseThen · 29/11/2013 16:24

Surprisingly, no. I expected to be up the walls but I wasn't. And it was lovely and being married is great. Listen to yourself and your own heart rather than some bitter old randomer.

Offred · 29/11/2013 16:25

Surely it really very much depends on what hit a nerve about what this guy was saying! You have to determine what exactly you are nervous about and whether it is a serious concern.

Original poster
OohBridget · 29/11/2013 17:03

it really wasn't so much of what he said but more that he made it sound like I was nuts.. so then I left thinking. ..should I be worried. ..should I be analysing absolutely everything in order to make sure im making the right decision.

because honestly im marrying him because its a natural progression and I want to. Beyond that I've really not considered anything else. ..we have a committed happy relationship and a beautiful family of little people.

I was just like Shock what does he know that I don't? lol

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HeirToTheIronThrone · 29/11/2013 17:08

The day before I was a wreck - burst into tears every 10 minutes all day, whilst simultaneously sorting out all the stuff. But on the actual day, was serene and calm and BEAMING -which made me think I was doing the right thing.

Lavenderhoney · 29/11/2013 17:11

Well, lucky you're not married to or marrying him eh? Sounds like a make version of women who tell a pregnant one birth horror stories. Ignore.

My dad stopped me as we stood outside the town hall and said " its not too late to change your mind, he's a nice man, but if you have any doubts.."

And I said " you're right, give me a tenner, I need to catch a cab out of here, you go in and tell everyone" then I watched the blood drain from his face as he realised the bollocking my dm would give him.

Then I said " hahaha, come on" and in we went.

DancingLady · 29/11/2013 17:14

Yes, I did. Think it'd be strange not to - you're making a huge commitment, FOR LIFE. That's scary. I do over-analyse a lot, though.

Do you want to be with your fiancé for the rest of your life, through thick and thin? Is he kind to you? These are important things.

Hope you have an amazing wedding day, and congrats on your marriage!

Offred · 29/11/2013 17:15

Hmmm... I don't know. Marriage is really about the ownership of property. I think people who marry for love and romance without understanding the legal implications, are not nuts, but haven't actually given it enough thought. I obviously understand that people can be happily married but I think that marriage really can destroy a relationship if you haven't thought about or talked about it enough.

I do think he has a point even if it is a little weird to rant at a total stranger about it.

Offred · 29/11/2013 17:18

I do think it is a bit nuts to see marriage as for life though. It is a legal contract which opts you out of retaining individual rights to own the property you have individually accrued and which therefore offers some protection for dependents. You should feel able to leave a marriage as you would any other relationship, it is more complicated legally but feelings wise it is dangerous to approach marriage as "for life" IMHO.

Charotte31 · 29/11/2013 17:19

No none at all! But a friend of mine was so scared about getting married she almost call the whole thing off a week before her wedding! Thankfully they get married, had a beautiful day and have now been married 3 years and have a gorgeous little boy!

Original poster
OohBridget · 29/11/2013 17:21

I sometimes think he is literally the only gentleman left on the planet. Sure, no ones perfect but his flaws are so minor when mine are so huge Grin god, I wonder if he's planning his escape? ! lol

I know most definitely that I want to live out the rest of my life with him. My honest only concern is that life can be so shockingly shit that sometimes it can break the strongest of relationships. you know? but then I've come from a broken home which included s selection of ill suited partners and he hasn't. His parents celebrated 40 years recently.

Thanks all..

I am nervous but I Spose it just feels epic .. but really just the act ... life itself won't change. if we weren't getting married we'd still always be together ..

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Original poster
OohBridget · 29/11/2013 17:25

oh yes this is what the bloke said. that there was no way out and marriage traps you.

I told him I wouldn't think twice about walking away anymore than I would now if i have reason to. I would work at it as much as possible, like now. But I will never live my life miserably just because I signed a peice of paper Hmm im still my own person married or not. But I am marrying with the hope and intention that it is for life.

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marzipanned · 29/11/2013 19:14

No nerves at all, except on the day about messing up my vows in front of everyone :)

I don't know, I am of the opinion that it's pretty epic and that life does change. I didn't think anything would change at all pre and post marriage, but it did, in the best possible way. Literally, I woke up the next morning and felt a new strength of love for my DH, when I already thought I loved him as much as humanly possible as my DP. And that has grown, for both of us, ever since.

But we were younger than you (I assume!), didn't have kids, sounds like we hadn't been together for as long, so maybe for you it really won't change anything! Either way - have a lovely day and, while I think you're quite right that there's no telling what shit life will throw at you as individuals and as a couple, there's no reason at all to go into this marriage thinking of the possible worst outcome.

Original poster
OohBridget · 29/11/2013 19:22

Marzipanned I highly doubt you are younger than me (22)

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Original poster
OohBridget · 29/11/2013 19:23

(together 6 years and have dc)

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SpottyDottie · 29/11/2013 19:26

I married my DH thirteen years ago and it is the best thing I ever did. Marriage does not have to ruin everything.

I got very nervous in the run up and on my wedding day could only eat a spoonful of cornflakes and a chicken cuppa soup! but only because my mum foisted it onto me but, like marzipanned, I didn't want to make a mistake. DH says we are a team and we've had some ups and downs believe me (ill health etc) but as a team we've supported each other.

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